Chapter 189
Chapter 189
Among Huicheng’s most famous attractions was Incense Street.
Every year, countless dignitaries, celebrities, and businesspeople came here to worship and pray for good fortune in the year ahead.
The Driver brought Liu Ye to a fortune-telling shop that had opened recently. Rumor had it that the immortal master inside possessed genuine skill, and his prices were reasonable. It was the establishment best suited to Liu Ye.
Liu Ye had never put much stock in such things, but the events of late had been far too uncanny. He decided it wouldn’t hurt to get a proper reading.
The moment the man and the Fiend stepped through the door, a man in a suit came over to welcome them.
“Would you gentlemen like your fortunes told, or would you like your luck changed?”
“What does fortune-telling involve? And what about changing our luck?” the Driver asked.
“For fortune-telling, we offer character divination, physiognomy, bone reading, drawing lots, and a variety of other services. Our cheapest package is only nine hundred and ninety-eight yuan, and it will reveal your fortunes for the entire year.”
“Only one year?” Liu Ye couldn’t help asking.
“Of course. Fortune isn’t fixed. It takes one form this year and another the next. Only by testing and calculating it regularly can you keep up with the very latest information.”
Liu Ye and the Driver thought the man made a great deal of sense.
“Then what does changing our luck involve?”
“As the saying goes, no one enjoys a thousand perfect days, and no flower stays red for a hundred. No life is smooth sailing from beginning to end. Everyone experiences a low point. So how can you escape that low point as quickly as possible?
“That is where our luck-changing service comes in. Whether you believe in Buddhism, Daoism, Christianity, or Jehovah, we have a corresponding master who can help guide you out of your difficulties.
“Naturally, communicating with the gods involves rather substantial roaming fees, so the price is just a tiny bit higher than a fortune reading. For only sixty-six thousand, six hundred and sixty-six yuan, you can enjoy an entire year of smooth sailing and unstoppable success! Do you want to take your career to the next level? Do you want your enemies to stop walking all over you? Do you want your goddess to see you in a whole new light? Brother, for such a small price, you can buy a whole year of good fortune. My friend, that is an incredible bargain!”
Liu Ye and the Driver stared at him in silence.
Good grief. With salesmanship like that, it was a waste of talent not to join a pyramid scheme.
Liu Ye swallowed. When he turned his head, he saw a priest holding a cup and sprinkling water over a customer’s head.
“What’s that?”
“Oh, our fortune-telling shop follows international standards. We don’t only provide readings to our own people. We have foreign tourists to serve as well, don’t we? We also work with zodiac signs, blood types, tarot cards, and so on. If you gentlemen are interested, you’re welcome to try. It’s only eight thousand, eight hundred and eighty-eight yuan per person.”
“That expensive?”
“You know what they say: foreign monks chant the best scriptures. Those foreign gods traveled thousands of miles to come here, so naturally their appearance fees are a little higher. Personally, though, I recommend choosing one of our local faiths. The after-sales service is much more convenient.”
Liu Ye and the Driver felt as though they had truly broadened their horizons today. They had always imagined fortune-telling was nothing more than a blind man setting up a stall beneath an overpass. They had never realized there was so much to it.
“Big Brother, why don’t we forget it?”
“Don’t be like that. We’ve already come all this way. We might as well get a reading. Don’t worry, your big brother is paying today.”
“Big Brother, it’s not about the money…”
Before Liu Ye could finish, the Driver shouted, “Give us the nine-hundred-and-ninety-eight package first! If you impress us, we’ll add more!”
“Certainly. If I may ask, do you have a master here whom you already know?”
“No. This is our first time.”
“I see. Then we’ll assign one in sequence.”
The Driver fell silent.
Why did this feel so much like choosing a masseuse at a foot spa?
“All right, gentlemen. Please follow me.”
The Suit Man led them into a room.
It was decorated in an elegant antique style, with calligraphy and paintings by famous figures hanging on both walls. A low table stood in the center, with a meditation cushion placed on either side.
Behind the table sat a large incense burner holding three sticks of incense. The instant the Driver entered, however, the two sticks on either side suddenly began burning faster.
In the blink of an eye, the three sticks had become two short and one long.
For people, “three long and two short” was a dreaded omen; with incense, the taboo was “two short and one long.” A sign like this meant something terrible was about to happen.
The Suit Man noticed none of it. After showing Liu Ye and the Driver inside, he turned and left.
Before long, an elegant-looking man in glasses and a flowing white robe entered, carrying a small cloth bundle. He gave them a courteous salute.
“Gentlemen, I am Master Number Fifty-Eight. It is my pleasure to serve you.”
The Driver had nothing to say.
Master, are you sure you didn’t train at a bathhouse?
“Big Brother, why are you covering your mouth?” Liu Ye asked curiously.
“It’s nothing. I’ve had a few mouth ulcers lately.”
Good grief. He had nearly blurted out a request for someone else.
The master sat down behind the table and placed his cloth bundle on it. He undid the cord and neatly arranged an assortment of fortune-telling implements before them.
“What would the two patrons like me to divine?”
“His career,” the Driver said. “Here’s the thing. This little brother of mine has been having a terrible run lately. Everything he tries falls apart, so we thought he might be going through a streak of bad luck. We’d like you to take a look.”
“Easily done.”
The master slapped a timer on the table, and its numbers began ticking upward.
“Let us begin by reading his face. Patron, please raise your head and let me take a careful look.”
Liu Ye obediently lifted his head. The master narrowed his eyes at him, then smacked his lips.
“This patron’s facial structure looks highly inauspicious.”
“What exactly is wrong with it?” Liu Ye and the Driver asked nervously.
The master picked up a mirror and held it toward them.
“See for yourselves. His face is sunken in front, flat in back, wide on the left, and narrow on the right. This is the classic countenance of a floor drain.”
“A floor drain? Isn’t that something in a bathroom?”
Everything else had gone over Liu Ye’s head, but he understood the part about a floor drain.
“Precisely. It belongs in a bathroom. Think about it. If your face resembles a toilet fixture, how could your luck possibly be good?”
Liu Ye considered this and had to admit it made sense.
“Is there any way to fix it?”
“It’s very simple. Plastic surgery. An unfortunate face is no great problem. Just have it altered to resemble an auspicious one. The richest man in the country has a rather good face, for example. You could model yours after his.”
Liu Ye accepted the photograph and looked at it, then firmly shook his head.
“Master, is there another way? If I got plastic surgery, I’m afraid my mom would kill me. Besides, surgery costs far too much.”
“If that’s too expensive, I have a cheaper option. Here, I possess a Talisman known as the Heaven-and-Earth Boundless Fortune-Protection Talisman.”
“Protection? Like birth control?”
“Er… it works for that too. In any case, this Talisman is no ordinary object. I spent forty-nine days refining it, drawing in the spiritual energy of heaven and earth and absorbing the essence of the sun and moon. Not only can it transform your fortune, it can drive off Fiends as well!”
The Driver stared at him in silence.