Chapter 24
Chapter 24
The assignment wasn’t actually difficult. A case involving an animal spirit Seeking Human Recognition had cropped up on the outskirts of City A.
In northeastern folklore, there were the Five Immortals: the fox, weasel, hedgehog, snake, and rat. Legend had it that the Five Immortals could cultivate until they attained enlightenment, and the final step in becoming an immortal was Seeking Human Recognition.
They would find a person with whom they shared a karmic connection and ask, “Do I look human to you?”
If the person said yes, they would be able to assume human form and complete their cultivation.
If the person said no, they would have to find someone else.
Recently, a rat on the outskirts of City A had been accosting pedestrians who were out alone and asking them late at night, “Do I look human to you?”
In truth, it hadn’t cultivated enough to become an immortal through Seeking Human Recognition. It had simply become obsessed with cultivation and run out to terrify a great many innocent people.
Once the matter was reported to the Paranormal Bureau, the bureau naturally had to send someone to deal with it.
Si Wuming took a taxi to the outskirts of the city with practiced ease. When he got out, he asked the driver for a receipt and carefully tucked it into his pocket.
The driver was a real chatterbox and had talked the entire way. As he printed the receipt, he casually asked, “Hey, handsome, what’s that thing on your back? It looks like one of those huge swords from a TV drama.”
“A fire poker,” Si Wuming lied without so much as blinking.
And just like that, a razor-sharp Tang saber capable of hacking an Evil God to pieces became a fire poker.
Yun Jianyue sucked in a sharp breath. This man’s ability to lie with a straight face was actually on par with hers! Truly remarkable!
After the driver left, Yun Jianyue asked Si Wuming, “How are we going to find that rat?”
Si Wuming silently drew his saber and plunged it into the ground.
From inside the jade pendant, Lu Changxue shrieked like a squeaky chicken. “H-He… He stabbed straight through the concrete!”
Half the Tang saber’s blade sank into the concrete. An invisible wave of energy rippled outward like water, gradually spreading in every direction.
Less than two minutes later, a gray rat larger than a toy poodle squeaked furiously as it knocked a manhole cover aside. It came tearing toward Yun Jianyue as if its tail were on fire, then crashed headfirst into the back of the Tang saber’s blade. Its eyes rolled back, and it fainted on the spot.
Lu Changxue: Why did that entrance seem oddly familiar? It had to be her imagination.
“Every time you show off, you somehow find a whole new way to do it,” Yun Jianyue said. Though she had already seen Si Wuming put on a show twice, she was still stunned by the sheer prowess of this Ultimate Show-Off.
Si Wuming gazed at Yun Jianyue in confusion, his eyes clear and dark. They had a moist sheen to them, and for some inexplicable reason, his entire being radiated harmless innocence.
Yun Jianyue: Damn, he looks like a big, adorably dumb wolfhound! Does he have any idea how easy it would be for someone to beep-
Fortunately, Si Wuming couldn’t hear Yun Jianyue’s thoughts. With one long, pale hand, he picked up the Big Gray Rat by the scruff of its neck.
The Big Gray Rat slowly regained consciousness in the grip of fate. The moment it saw the golden light of merit surrounding Si Wuming, bright enough to nearly blind its beady little eyes, it went berserk.
“Squeak, squeak, squeak! Squeak, squeak, squeak!”
Yun Jianyue smacked the Big Gray Rat across the back of its head. “Use human speech.”
The Big Gray Rat whimpered, “Boo-hoo-hoo.”
Lu Changxue: Is that rat copying me?
“Keep whining and I’ll smash your head in,” Yun Jianyue snapped.
Lu Changxue: That line sounds awfully familiar. I’m not sure, though. Better keep listening.
The Big Gray Rat spoke in a raspy, duck-like voice. “Human, release this immortal!”
With one hand, Si Wuming pulled the Tang saber out of the concrete. Seemingly by accident, he gave it a little wave in front of the Big Gray Rat.
“My lord, what are your orders?” The Big Gray Rat’s beady eyes blazed with an intense will to survive, and its tone could not have been more obsequious.
“Until your cultivation reaches full maturity, you are forbidden from Seeking Human Recognition from anyone.”
Si Wuming sheathed his Tang sword, then drew a talisman in the air with one hand. The faintly golden symbol dissolved into a cluster of glowing motes and sank into the Big Gray Rat’s head.
The Big Gray Rat trembled in terror. What kind of person slapped a restriction on a humble little immortal the moment they met? And such a vicious restriction at that! If it tried Seeking Human Recognition before its cultivation reached full maturity, it would explode on the spot!
Come on! A Big Gray Rat spontaneously exploding in front of a human wasn’t much better than a Big Gray Rat opening its mouth and speaking like one!
Once Si Wuming was done, he released the Big Gray Rat.
On the verge of tears, the Big Gray Rat scurried off at top speed. In the blink of an eye, it vanished into some bush or storm drain.
“That’s it?” Yun Jianyue pointed at herself. “Other than slapping it, I don’t think I did anything at all.”
Si Wuming held out a hand to her. Confused, Yun Jianyue held out hers as well, with no idea what he wanted.
The next second, Si Wuming produced a bottle of hand sanitizer as if by magic. Squirt, squirt. He pumped it twice into Yun Jianyue’s palm, then gave himself two pumps as well.
He wanted to disinfect their hands? Yun Jianyue was stunned, but her hands were already moving at lightning speed, rubbing the sanitizer in.
A man of few words and decisive action, Si Wuming put the sanitizer away, booked another ride, and took Yun Jianyue out of the deserted area.
Over the next two weeks, Yun Jianyue accompanied Si Wuming on several more assignments.
All she ever had to do was slap the disobedient demons, monsters, ghosts, and spirits. Si Wuming handled everything else himself.
She had to admit, this was the easiest money she’d ever made.
And Si Wuming was incredibly considerate. Every time they took a cab, he kept the receipt, and when they returned to the bureau, he was the one who went through the entire reimbursement process!
“It’s official. You’re the best coworker in the entire world.”
After yet another assignment, Yun Jianyue gave Si Wuming a heartfelt thumbs-up.
Si Wuming pursed his lips, revealing a puppy-like smile.
Yun Jianyue silently turned her head away and tilted her face toward the sky, refusing to let her nosebleed come out.
Damn it! If she stood a chance against him, she’d drag this Show-Off King into the bushes right now and have her wicked way with him!
Just as Yun Jianyue’s emotions were running wild, the Red Thread of Fate around her wrist suddenly quivered and tightened its grip.
“What’s your problem? You have a temper now?” Yun Jianyue raised her hand and tugged at the Red Thread of Fate.
The thing had been quiet for so long and hadn’t affected her life at all. She had almost forgotten it was even there.
Si Wuming looked at Yun Jianyue in confusion, like a puzzled puppy.
Yun Jianyue immediately shoved her best friend forward to take the blame. “I was talking to Lu Changxue. She’s singing ‘The Eighteen Touches’ inside the jade pendant, and it’s getting on my nerves.”
Lu Changxue, who had been as quiet as could be before this enormous accusation dropped on her head, flew into a towering rage. Half her head emerged from the jade pendant as she tried to defend herself, only for Yun Jianyue to forcefully smack her back inside.
Then Yun Jianyue smiled. “See? She’s terribly disobedient.”
Si Wuming frowned slightly and offered a solution in complete sincerity. “I can place a restriction on ghosts that will prevent her from ever speaking again.”
Inside the jade pendant, Lu Changxue shrieked frantically, “Yun Jianyue, you goddamn menace! Save my miserable life!”
Yun Jianyue waved her hands so fast they were practically a pair of spinning wheels. “No need! I’ll go home and discipline her properly right now!”
With that, Yun Jianyue fled like the wind.
Left standing where he was, Si Wuming reached a bewildered hand toward Yun Jianyue’s retreating figure and murmured, “Is she planning to run home instead of taking a cab?”