Chapter 139

Chapter 139

After Hu Heng started middle school, there was a period when Hu Yonglan suddenly became desperate to move.

The new place was about the same size as the old one. The transportation was just as convenient, and even the distance to Hu Heng’s school and Hu Yonglan’s workplace was roughly the same. Hu Heng couldn’t understand why she insisted on moving.

Only after living in the new place for a semester did Hu Heng finally understand. It turned out it was all because Qin Song’s family had moved.

Before Qin Song’s family moved, their two apartment complexes hadn’t been too far apart. But after they moved, the distance became much greater.

Hu Yonglan was afraid she would no longer be able to see them easily, so she anxiously searched for an apartment complex near theirs and moved in right after them.

Now look at that – the two families were even closer than before.

Hu Heng felt helpless about his mother’s way of thinking, but he had long since grown used to it. His tolerance for her outlandish behavior had become extremely high.

Hu Heng began to see Qin Song frequently on the way to school.

Although Qin Song didn’t know Hu Heng, to Hu Heng, Qin Song was the most familiar stranger in the world.

Hu Heng was like an audience member in front of a screen, while Qin Song was like the protagonist of a movie. Perhaps Hu Heng wasn’t interested in this movie, but his mother played it on endless repeat at home every day… He had absorbed it all without even realizing it.

Gradually, Qin Song also began to notice Hu Heng. After who knew how many chance encounters on the road to school, one day, Qin Song finally took the initiative to greet him.

The instant Qin Song said hello, Hu Heng felt as if his whole body had been pricked by a needle.

Qin Song smiled and said, “Are you in eighth grade too?”

Hu Heng looked around in a panic and answered, “Ah… ah!”

Qin Song said, “I knew you looked familiar! You’re probably in Class Five, right?”

Hu Heng blinked. “Ah!”

Qin Song said, “Then I was right. Our class and yours had art class together in the big classroom on the third floor. I remember you.”

Hu Heng grinned and gave a dry laugh.

And so, the two of them awkwardly chatted the whole way.

If Hu Heng could express something with “mm,” “yeah,” or “ah,” he used those three sounds without exception. He was very afraid Qin Song would discover he stuttered. He hoped to leave Qin Song with a good impression.

After the first time came a second and a third. The two of them began going to and from school together more and more often.

Hu Heng rarely spoke, and Qin Song didn’t mind. Most of the time, Qin Song talked while Hu Heng listened.

Hu Heng’s feelings toward Qin Song were complicated.

From the perspective of his family, he felt very guilty toward Qin Song. For all these years, his mother had been like a bloodsucker secretly clinging to the Qin family from behind, and she had once cursed Qin Song with vicious words.

From the perspective of a friend, he admired Qin Song. Qin Song was smart, lively, interesting, and loyal.

From the perspective of blood ties, he loved Qin Song, because Qin Song was half his own brother.

After becoming friends with Qin Song, Hu Heng felt his world gradually become more colorful. He no longer always walked with his head down, and when he spoke to people, he was no longer as timid and submissive as before.

A few more months passed, and Hu Heng was surprised to discover that he no longer stuttered. He could speak normally now.

He repeated the word that had always been hardest for him to say-“red scarf”-several times like a tongue twister, and every time, it came out clearly.

That day, he was unusually happy. He used his pocket money to treat Qin Song to several popsicles, and the next day, Qin Song had diarrhea so badly that he couldn’t make it to school on time.

That day, after school, the two of them walked back while chatting. When they reached the entrance of the apartment complex, Hu Heng suddenly saw Hu Yonglan standing quietly beside the iron gate.

She was carrying two bags of steamed buns, her eyes fixed unblinkingly on Qin Song.

Hu Heng panicked. He turned to Qin Song and said, “I saw my mom. I’m going home first. You should hurry home too!”

Before Qin Song could react and figure out what was going on, Hu Heng quickly ran over to Hu Yonglan, grabbed her, and pulled her toward home.

Hu Yonglan was dragged several steps by Hu Heng, but her head remained turned firmly back toward Qin Song.

Qin Song met Hu Yonglan’s eyes for a moment and felt deeply uncomfortable.

He couldn’t understand how he had ever offended this woman. The way she looked at him didn’t seem at all like she was seeing him for the first time.

On the way back, Hu Heng walked very quickly, his head lowered as he said nothing.

Hu Yonglan cleared her throat. “That was Qin Song, wasn’t it?”

Hu Heng gave a quiet “mm.”

Hu Yonglan said, “I just happened to come to the entrance to buy steamed buns.”

Holding back his anger, Hu Heng said, “Do you not want us to hang out together?”

Hu Yonglan froze for a moment, then said, “Oh, no, that’s not it.”

A nameless fire suddenly shot up in Hu Heng’s chest. He abruptly raised his head and shouted, “If you have something to say, then please just say it! Please don’t make me guess, and please don’t make those passive-aggressive remarks. If you don’t want us to be friends, then please just say it!”
Even in the middle of those complaints, he had to insert a “please” into every sentence.

After firing off a barrage like a machine gun, Hu Heng wilted again, like an eggplant hit by frost.

“Mom, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I got so worked up just now.”

Hu Yonglan looked utterly unconcerned. “Oh, it’s fine. I support you two playing together. I think you’re a little lonely going to and from school by yourself. It’s good to have someone with you.”

Hu Heng glanced at her in surprise.

Hu Yonglan quickened her pace, opened the door, and set the steamed buns in her hand on the dining table. “I’m not hungry. I already made the dishes earlier. They’re keeping warm in the pot. Take them out and eat them with the buns.”

With that, she briskly went into the bedroom and shut the door.

Hu Heng fiddled with the still-warm steamed bun and sighed.

He understood Hu Yonglan’s personality very well. If she said she didn’t mind him playing with Qin Song, then she truly didn’t mind. That meant he really could spend time with Qin Song from now on without any obstacles, without worrying that Hu Yonglan would feel uncomfortable about it.

But the reason she didn’t mind wasn’t because, as she’d said, “it’s good to have someone with you.” It was simply that with Hu Heng as the link between them, it would be even easier for her to stand at the entrance of the residential complex every day and get an unobstructed, up-close look at Qin Song.

As for shutting herself in and refusing to eat, that wasn’t because she really wasn’t hungry. It was because she was angry that Hu Heng had suddenly lost his temper with her.

Hu Heng took several deep breaths, adjusted his tone and his mindset, and only then walked over to knock on Hu Yonglan’s door.

“Mom, open the door. I was wrong just now. Don’t skip dinner…”

Was it suffocating? For Hu Heng, it was all right. He had long since gotten used to it.

If even he felt suffocated, then there would be no way to keep living like this.

If people wanted to get through life comfortably, they inevitably had to fool themselves again and again. Only then could they muddle through somehow.

Before he had gotten used to all of this, Hu Heng had always felt, for no clear reason, as if he were living at the bottom of a dry well, or inside a glass jar.

How was he supposed to describe this kind of life?

He thought that if he had been born into a family of three, or four, or even more… if one person got angry, there would always be another person, or two others, or three others who could comfort and persuade them.

Wherever there were people, there was a tiny ecosystem. The more people there were, the more their interactions spread from point to surface, from lines into a web.

In other words, Hu Heng believed that a richer family environment, with more family members, might have a better ability to withstand pressure, and life would be more colorful too.

Yet there were only two people in his family – Hu Yonglan’s maiden family had cut ties with her long ago because she had given birth out of wedlock.

When there was nothing to do each day, mother and son simply stared at each other. When Hu Yonglan got emotional, Hu Heng was the only one who could keep coaxing her.

Of course, there were times when even he couldn’t coax her. Then Hu Yonglan would give him the silent treatment.

This kind of life was like playing ping-pong against a wall. No matter how you played, you could never come up with anything new.

When Hu Heng was little, he often felt an inexplicable despair, the kind of despair that made it seem as if he would spend his entire life unable to walk out of a single endless night.

He hated Hu Yonglan, but he knew he could never abandon her. Just as he only had Hu Yonglan, Hu Yonglan only had him.

He also hated Qin Zhiyuan, because it was Qin Zhiyuan’s affair that had left only him and his mother in their home.

But his hatred for Qin Zhiyuan was somewhat vague and insubstantial – hatred had to be built on love, and he didn’t even know Qin Zhiyuan.

In his memory, Hu Heng had only lost his temper with Hu Yonglan a few times. But each time, less than half an hour after he did, the guilt that came surging over him would torment him until he broke down crying.

Now things were different. Hu Heng had gained another small piece of family, an older brother his own age.

It felt like someone had placed an ice-cold cola into the hands of a traveler walking through the desert. Overnight, Hu Heng’s world exploded with colorful fireworks.

Hu Heng secretly swore in his heart that he would be good to Qin Song for the rest of his life, that he would treat Qin Song the same way he treated Hu Yonglan.

He would listen to anything Qin Song said, and wherever Qin Song needed him, he would help.

When Hu Heng was bored, he would also think about pointless questions – such as whether he loved Hu Yonglan more or Qin Song more, or if the end of the world came and he could only save one person, who would he choose?

Would he choose the strange-tempered mother who had given birth to him and raised him, or the older brother who shared half his blood and had the same interests?

Questions like that were too tormenting, and Hu Heng was unwilling to dwell on them.

Still, the fact that he even had the chance to think about such questions made Hu Heng very happy – at the very least, it proved that he now had two family members.