Chapter 133

Chapter 133

“Brother Hai, asleep? You okay?”
Glancing at the WeChat message from Huahua on his phone screen, Qin Song wearily tossed the phone onto the pillow beside him.
Li Juan, still half-asleep, got up to pour him some water. “Why are you back? Weren’t you on night duty?”
Qin Song dismissed her as he undressed. “I’m not feeling well.”
Li Juan handed him the water. “Should I turn on the light?”
“No, just come back to bed.”
“Where does it hurt? Let me take your temperature.”
Qin Song pulled her back. “No need. Just a headache and tired. I’ll be fine after some sleep.”
Li Juan climbed into bed by the moonlight from the window and lay down, gently holding his arm.
“Wang Hai, I think something’s bothering you.”
Qin Song, slightly irritated, said, “No, you’re overthinking.”
Li Juan fell silent.
After a while, she hesitantly spoke again. “Aren’t husband and wife supposed to be honest with each other?”
Qin Song furrowed his brow deeply. “You really are overthinking.”
Li Juan gently rubbed his shoulder. “If something’s wrong, tell me. We can talk it out and figure it out together.”
Qin Song coldly replied, “I really just want to sleep. If you keep talking, I’ll have to sleep in another room.”
Li Juan froze.
Qin Song turned over, showing her his back.
Frustrated, he closed his eyes, his mind churning with scenes from the hotel tonight.
Li Juan began to softly sob behind him.
Qin Song buried his head in the pillow and pretended not to hear.
Li Juan sniffled and whispered, “You’ve been troubled lately. I’m not stupid. I can tell. But you won’t say anything, you won’t let me share the burden. I’m not even as close to you as Hu Heng. Sometimes I wonder why you even married a wife. Are we just roommates? I want real emotional connection too…”
Qin Song ignored her.
When he was in a good mood, he could treat her like a normal wife: love her, take care of her, understand her.
But when he was in a bad mood, he couldn’t even take care of himself, let alone her.
Li Juan’s sobs made Qin Song feel a twinge of guilt – what exactly did he see her as?
He had messed up the marriage equation and rushed to correct his mistakes, so he had used Li Juan as his error-correction notebook.
Qin Song had never felt guilty toward Li Juan because he wasn’t bad to her.
He needed a wife to prove he could be a good husband; she needed a man to help her care for the family. They hit it off, became teammates. It was fair for both.
But now things were different. Qin Song could clearly feel that his life and mental state were going wrong again.
He had no clue where the problem came from or when it started; he felt no sense of control over it.
These things he could never tell Li Juan, much less let her help carry the burden.
If life stayed this way, his attitude toward Li Juan would slowly turn into emotional coldness, and this marriage would eventually fall apart.
What to do? Qin Song didn’t know.
He felt like a small, frail stick figure who had pushed a huge boulder from the bottom of the mountain all the way to the top. With great difficulty, he found a cave to hide the boulder, and finally he lived a peaceful and happy life.
But then on a calm night, a thunderbolt struck the sky, and this giant boulder suddenly came crashing down from the mountaintop back to the bottom, crushing him into pieces.
Qin Song’s heart had been reduced to rubble.

The next morning, Qin Song didn’t go to work. He didn’t ask for leave, either.

His immediate supervisor called him four times, and he ignored every single call.

He knew the old man in 302 must have filed a complaint against him. Let him complain. He was just a perverted old geezer who ran around in his underwear yelling his head off. Qin Song couldn’t care less.

He deeply regretted taking “the more you’re afraid of something, the more you should face it” as his life motto half a year ago, then arrogantly going out and getting a job as a hotel security guard.

If he hadn’t been so determined to court death, maybe last night’s terrifying experience never would have found him.

So when a person hit a hurdle in life, should they curl up like a turtle in its shell, or charge bravely ahead?

On that point, he was no longer sure.

Li Juan made him breakfast before leaving for work. Qin Song lifted the pot lid and took a look: two hot steamed buns, one salted duck egg, and a bowl of eight-treasure porridge.

He had no appetite, so he put the lid back on.

He left home and walked aimlessly along the side of the road.

After a while, Huahua’s little building appeared up ahead. Only then did he realize he had been unconsciously walking in the direction of her home the entire time.

Only then did Qin Song understand that when people were under pressure they couldn’t relieve, they would long so intensely to be close to someone else who understood them.

He went straight upstairs and knocked on Huahua’s door.

About two minutes later, Qin Song heard Huahua’s impatient shout from inside.

“Who is it?!”

Qin Song knocked again. “It’s me, Wang Hai!”

Huahua yanked the door open. “Holy shit, what are you doing in broad daylight? You just got off the night shift. Why aren’t you home sleeping? What are you doing out here?”

Qin Song slipped inside and gave Huahua’s shoulder an apologetic shake. “I’ve got something on my mind. I can’t sleep.”

Huahua snapped, “You really are selfish. You have something on your mind, but I don’t. You can’t sleep, but I can! You can’t just drag the whole world out of bed to keep you company because you can’t sleep, can you?”

Qin Song pointed at the sofa. “You don’t have to mind me. Go sleep. I’ll just sit on the sofa by myself. I’ll play on my phone.”

Huahua planted her hands on her hips. “You really are ridiculous, you know that? What, you think my place is some kind of sanatorium?”

Qin Song gave an awkward smile and rubbed his hands together. “Just pretend I’m sick, then. Your place is… the only place that makes me feel calm and comfortable.”

Huahua tilted her head and looked at him. “Why? Because of those massages and hypnosis sessions?”

Qin Song nodded. “Yes.”

As Huahua poured some water, she said, “Looks like that stuff can be addictive too.”

Qin Song said, “Mm. Then just pretend my addiction’s acting up again.”

Huahua handed Qin Song a glass of water and gave him a suggestive look in the eye. “A little addiction adds flavor. A big addiction ruins the body.”

Qin Song didn’t react for a moment. Then he gave a dry cough. “You should rest first. I’ll be fine here on my own. You don’t need to worry about me. When you wake up, can you give me another massage?”

Huahua laughed. “With a grown man sitting in my living room, how am I supposed to relax enough to sleep?”

Qin Song waved his hands. “I won’t try anything.”

Huahua gathered her hair back. “Have you eaten?”

Qin Song shook his head. “No.”

Huahua took the apron down from the wall again. “I’ll cook some instant noodles. Let’s eat something first, then talk about the rest.”

Qin Song said, “Sorry for the trouble.”

He did not know that this would be the last meal he would ever eat while still in his right mind.