Chapter 60
Chapter 60
Nanny Lin’s voice gradually trailed off. By the time she finished, it was choked with emotion.
Every woman bearing the title of Young Madam in the other courtyards had private savings and a generous dowry of her own, and they all dressed splendidly from day to day. Only their Young Madam had nothing and had to rely entirely on allocations from the household coffers. She dressed plainly and wore old jewelry, yet the other women bearing the title of Young Madam still mocked her behind her back.
The only times Young Madam ever dressed richly and respectably were when she went out or returned to the Gu Family.
There were only a few pieces of jewelry in her jewelry box, all chosen from the selections the First Madam sent around to the various courtyards each season. She had never bought herself anything she truly liked.
The Eldest Master had never paid much attention to Young Madam, either. The Master of each other courtyard often bought jewelry for his wife, but the Eldest Master seldom even stayed in this courtyard, much less bought Young Madam anything.
Meanwhile, that young cousin came over every so often and was always telling Young Madam about the things the Eldest Master had bought for her. Even the servants could no longer stand to watch it.
None of them understood. Young Madam was clearly better than the young cousin in every way, yet the Eldest Master favored only the young cousin. She was the only one he ever saw.
They all understood how difficult things were for Young Madam. How could they possibly accept so much silver from her?
Nanny Lin hurriedly said, “Every servant in this courtyard knows how good Young Madam has been to us. We cannot accept this money for clothes.”
Seeing the tears glistening in Nanny Lin’s eyes, Ji Hanyi suddenly felt that it had all been worthwhile.
The people she treated sincerely were sincere to her in return.
Smiling, she pushed the silver back toward Nanny Lin. “Just take it. This will probably be the last time I give you anything.”
“There is no need to decorate the courtyard this year. Clean it as you always have. If anyone asks for leave to return home, continue keeping a proper record. The old rule still applies: until the seventh day of the New Year, at least half the servants must remain here to attend to the courtyard. Do not let everyone take leave.”
Nanny Lin had long since committed these arrangements to memory. She nodded while raising her sleeve to wipe away her tears.
She did not even know why she was crying. She was only a servant, and her words carried little weight.
She only knew that Young Madam truly did not intend to stay.
Seeing Nanny Lin weeping so bitterly, Rongchun hurried over to comfort her. While she was doing so, Xie Yuheng walked in from the outer room.
This was the first time Ji Hanyi had seen Xie Yuheng in days. Lowering her head, she told Nanny Lin to take the silver outside and distribute it among the servants. Nanny Lin knew the Eldest Master had arrived and did not dare linger, so she hastily withdrew.
Xie Yuheng watched Nanny Lin pass him with a pouch of silver in her hands. Her eyes were red, and tears continued to roll down her cheeks.
At that moment, his feet felt impossibly heavy. He stood where he was and looked at Ji Hanyi, but she kept her head lowered and did not even glance at him. She merely instructed Rongchun to check the items the steward had delivered that day.
Xie Yuheng’s throat tightened. He stepped closer to Ji Hanyi and asked quietly, “How much did you give the maids in the courtyard?”
Xie Yuheng had never concerned himself with such matters before. Ji Hanyi raised her head and answered, “Two taels of silver each.”
There were more than a dozen servants in the courtyard. Altogether, the rewards would amount to thirty or forty taels.
A maid earned only a little over one tael of silver in an entire year.
He knew the servants had to be rewarded for the New Year. After all, who knew what they might do behind their masters’ backs if they received nothing? But even in a household of the Xie Family’s status, a few hundred copper coins would have been enough. No one gave two whole taels.
Xie Yuheng frowned at Ji Hanyi. “Where did you get enough silver to give them so much?”
Ji Hanyi lowered her gaze to the narcissus carved into her teacup and replied evenly, “Eldest Master need not worry. It came from my private savings.”
That one sentence lodged all of Xie Yuheng’s words in his throat.
Of course. It was her own private money.
For the first time, he showed concern for her. “You do not have much in private savings. Why did you not come to me?”
Ji Hanyi merely said, “Eldest Master need not trouble himself with matters of the inner household.”
Her calm, distant words struck Xie Yuheng as both familiar and mortifying.
Yes. He remembered saying something similar himself.
He had told her not to keep bothering him with matters of the inner household.
Ji Hanyi had no desire to continue exchanging these distant pleasantries with Xie Yuheng. Once the Old Madam’s birthday on the fifth day of the New Year had passed, Ji Hanyi would leave.
Still preserving the civility between them, she said, “I still have some unfinished work in the study. I will go there now.”
Xie Yuheng suddenly leaned down and braced one hand against the low table, blocking her path before she could rise and leave. He stared intently at her, an unsteady tremor in his voice. This man, usually so cold and aloof, now had a trace of pleading in his eyes.
“Hanyi, let us start over.”
“Can we stop being like this?”
“I know you still care for me. You are only upset by how much attention I give Mingrou. Mingrou will be leaving soon. From now on, I will return to the main house every day.”
“Hanyi, things can still be the way they were before.”
Xie Yuheng was so close that his breath nearly washed over her.
Yet Ji Hanyi felt a deep discomfort rise from the bottom of her heart.
She could no longer bear being this close to Xie Yuheng, let alone accept any intimate gesture from him.
She looked into Xie Yuheng’s eyes, drawing her head back slightly as she said softly, “Eldest Master, I don’t like the way things used to be at all.”
“And I have no desire to go back to those days.”
“There can be no starting over between us. Eldest Master, just take it that I no longer like you.”
She no longer liked him.
The words stabbed into Xie Yuheng’s heart like a knife, and his eyes abruptly reddened.
He stared fixedly at Ji Hanyi and said hoarsely, “Hanyi, don’t say things you don’t mean just because you’re angry.”
“We’ve always been fine. Don’t say such things again.”
Ji Hanyi looked at Xie Yuheng’s expression. He looked as though he cared deeply for her.
Disgust suddenly welled up inside her, and she frowned. “We were never fine. Eldest Master thinks it was good only because Eldest Master saw it that way.”
“To me, these past three years have been like a nightmare.”
Xie Yuheng’s hand trembled as he stared intently at her. “You never said anything all these years. If you felt wronged, why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why are you suddenly asking for a divorce?”
“You must still be angry with me.”
“That night was my fault. You’re my wife. I should have taken you away first. I thought you had a stronger constitution than Mingrou and wouldn’t fall ill. I’m sorry…”
This apology had come far too late to mean anything.
Ji Hanyi had wanted to preserve the last shred of dignity between them, but now it seemed Xie Yuheng had no desire to preserve even that.
For the first time, she showed her impatience in front of him.
At that moment, Ji Hanyi finally understood. Once you disliked someone and grew tired of them, you truly had no patience to spare.
It was just as Xie Yuheng had once been with her, aloof and taciturn, never willing to say a single extra word to her.
Now she had learned that feeling from him.
She looked at Xie Yuheng with the same aloofness. “The pear tree in the courtyard will bloom in March. Its blossoms truly are beautiful.”
“Next March will soon be here. When the flowers bloom, that will be when Eldest Master is happiest, won’t it?”
“I wish Eldest Master and his future wife a long and harmonious marriage. I also ask Eldest Master to let me go, if only in consideration of how diligently I have tended to everything in this courtyard for the past three years.”
“Can we part amicably?”
The arm Xie Yuheng had braced against the low table trembled faintly. Only he knew what was passing through his heart.
He looked into Ji Hanyi’s eyes. They no longer held any of their former warmth when they gazed at him, and she no longer called him husband in private.
He remembered the hibiscus flowers she had planted when she first arrived in the courtyard. They had been beautiful too, but he had ordered the servants to uproot them.
That was the most heartbroken he had ever seen her.
A terrible pain suddenly seized Xie Yuheng’s heart. He said urgently, “Next year, I’ll cut down that pear tree and fill the courtyard with your favorite hibiscus flowers.”
“Hanyi, we can start over and make things right.”
Ji Hanyi merely glanced at him before shaking her head. “I don’t need that anymore.”
“Whatever flowers or trees are planted in this courtyard from now on will have nothing to do with me.”
Xie Yuheng stared blankly at Ji Hanyi. Her calm, indifferent gaze made him feel as though the person before him was not Ji Hanyi at all.
His eyes reddened, and he gritted his teeth. “Hanyi, what’s the point of saying such things out of anger? If you leave me, who else will be willing to marry you?”
“Now that I want to make a proper life with you, why must you remain so stubborn?”
“If you end up living a bleak and miserable life, I will never concern myself with you.”
His voice sounded furious and desperate, but Ji Hanyi merely nodded calmly. “Eldest Master, that would be best.”
Xie Yuheng’s eyes became bloodshot. He abruptly rose and swept the tea stove, teacups, and fruit platter from the low table onto the floor.
One crash after another rang out. His eyes red-rimmed, Xie Yuheng pointed at Ji Hanyi, yet even after a long moment, he could not utter a single word. He kicked the daybed, then turned and strode outside.
Once outside, Xie Yuheng looked at the desolate courtyard. All the decorations were gone. The servants stood listlessly to one side, without the slightest trace of festive cheer on their faces.
Every other courtyard was filled with celebration. Only this one was not.
Only this one…
Xie Yuheng stumbled into the middle of the courtyard and looked around the cold, cheerless space. Everything he had once taken for granted had, in truth, been Ji Hanyi’s doing.
During all the days he had spent in his study, no one had brought him warming soup again.
No one carefully ironed and perfumed his clothes anymore.
Ji Hanyi’s words echoed endlessly through his mind. There was no going back.
His eyes burned.
He fled the empty courtyard that no longer held the slightest trace of warmth or life.