Chapter 37
Chapter 37
Ji Hanyi froze when she saw Xie Yuheng. As she passed him, he caught her wrist in a tight grip once more.
She looked up at him, and Xie Yuheng turned to look at her as well, his eyes filled with complicated emotions. His first question was, “Where did you go?”
Then he asked, “Something held me up for a while. Have you had dinner?”
Ji Hanyi no longer cared about Xie Yuheng’s promises, nor did she care that he had said they would have dinner together only to arrive late.
If anything, she was relieved.
Relieved that she had not spent all that time waiting for him alone again.
“I went to see my maternal grandfather,” she replied simply.
Hearing the distance in her voice, Xie Yuheng lowered his own. “Hanyi, come back to the main bedroom with me.”
Ji Hanyi shook her head. “I still have some work to finish in the study. Eldest Master should retire without me.”
The fingers around her wrist tightened. Xie Yuheng gazed deeply at her. “Hanyi, there is no need for things to come to this between us.”
“Now that you’re sleeping in a separate room, what will the servants think? If my mother learns of this, do you know how harshly she’ll blame you?”
He took a deep breath and let out what seemed to be a helpless sigh. “Hanyi, you were never this willful before.”
Ji Hanyi shook her head again. “Eldest Master, I am not being willful.”
Seeing her remain so obstinate only deepened Xie Yuheng’s disappointment. He was on the verge of losing his composure as he stared intently at her. “Even if I neglected you in the past, that is no excuse for you to behave so unreasonably.”
“Hanyi, you have been married into the Xie Family for three years, yet you still haven’t conceived. By all rights, no one could fault me even if I divorced you. If you keep this up and truly end up leaving the Xie Family, will that make you happy?”
“Where could you possibly go after leaving the Xie Family?”
“If you continue down this path, there will be no turning back.”
Ji Hanyi had never intended to leave herself a path back.
She pulled her wrist free from Xie Yuheng’s grasp. She was tired of trying to explain her resolve to him. All she said was, “Eldest Master, there is no point in saying more. The night is dark and cold. You should go back and rest.”
With that, Ji Hanyi turned and opened the door behind her. When she turned back to close it, she saw the disappointment on Xie Yuheng’s face.
What Ji Hanyi hated most was how he always looked at her with that same disappointment.
As though no matter what she did, no matter how well she did it, she would never be good enough in his eyes.
He had never praised her. Never approved of her.
In the few conversations they shared, he was always telling her what she could have done better. He was always reminding her that she was his wife and listing the burdens she was expected to shoulder.
She was supposed to honor her elders, defer to those younger than her, and take care of the feelings of every member of the Xie Family.
She was supposed to be the perfect woman everyone in the Xie Family expected her to be — flawless and devoid of any feelings of her own.
Xie Yuheng had placed every burden on her shoulders alone. In his heart, the feelings of every other member of the Xie Family mattered more than hers.
He did not even care who was right or wrong, or what was fair and what was not.
And absurdly enough, it was all simply because she was his wife.
How exhausting.
How unfair.
Even now, he still dismissed her feelings as willfulness and unreasonable behavior.
He still looked at her with those disappointed eyes.
Ji Hanyi did not understand. If Xie Yuheng clearly did not love her, why was he still unwilling to sign the Divorce Agreement?
If he was so disappointed in her, then parting ways and setting each other free should have been a relief to him.
She did not understand him. She could not see through him.
But the gulf between them had long since grown too wide to bridge. They would never be able to draw closer to each other, and they would never understand one another.
Ji Hanyi said nothing, just as he had said nothing to her through countless days and nights over the past three years. She closed the door without another word.
The shut door cut off the last sliver of light from the darkness. Xie Yuheng stared blankly at it, thinking of the look he had glimpsed in Ji Hanyi’s eyes — a look he could not understand.
He staggered back a step and stood there for a long time.
Ji Hanyi paid no attention to whether Xie Yuheng was still outside or had already left. She went about her own business, instructing the servants to heat water for her bath.
She would no longer take his feelings to heart or endlessly agonize over what he wanted her to do.
None of this had been her fault in the first place. She did not need to change herself to please every member of the Xie Family.
Early the next morning, Xie Yuheng was still waiting at the courtyard gate. With no way to avoid him, Ji Hanyi had no choice but to walk past him.
When Xie Yuheng reached for her again, Ji Hanyi stepped aside before he could touch her and continued on ahead.
Xie Yuheng stared in surprise at his hand, left hanging in midair, then at Ji Hanyi’s retreating figure. He quickened his pace to walk beside her.
In the past, even when they walked together, they had never had anything to say to each other.
But he had grown accustomed to Ji Hanyi occasionally finding something to talk about. Only now did Xie Yuheng realize that every conversation they had ever shared had been started by her.
When she said nothing, it seemed there truly was nothing for them to say.
He tried to come up with a topic. “Why haven’t you been taking the tonics the kitchen sent over?”
Ji Hanyi kept her eyes lowered to the path beneath her feet. Her voice was soft. “I don’t need them.”
Xie Yuheng frowned. “Your cold was so severe last time. Even if you’re feeling better now, you still shouldn’t be careless.”
Ji Hanyi gave a distracted murmur of acknowledgment, clearly unwilling to say anything more.
All the words hovering on the tip of Xie Yuheng’s tongue became lodged in his throat at her perfunctory response.
He drew a deep breath and said, “Hanyi, I’m trying to have a proper conversation with you.”
Ji Hanyi glanced at him in surprise. “Isn’t this how Eldest Master always behaved before?”
Then she added, “Eldest Master, I don’t feel like talking. Could you please leave me be?”
With that, Ji Hanyi continued forward on her own. She truly did not want to speak. There was no particular reason for it. She was simply tired of everything.
Xie Yuheng frowned as he watched her walk away.
One after the other, they entered Madam Lin’s quarters and paid their respects as usual. As usual, Madam Lin dismissed Xie Yuheng first.
The only difference was that Madam Lin ordered everyone else in the room to withdraw, leaving Ji Hanyi behind alone.
When Madam Lin’s stern rebuke came crashing down on her, Ji Hanyi showed no reaction at all.
She had long known that she could not hide the fact that she and Xie Yuheng were sleeping in separate rooms from Madam Lin for long.
When she married into the Xie Family, Rongchun had been the only maid she brought with her. Although the servants in her courtyard treated her respectfully enough, they were still servants of the Xie Family. It was hardly difficult for Madam Lin to learn about something like this.
Her silence only infuriated Madam Lin further.
The teacup in Madam Lin’s hand came hurtling down at Ji Hanyi’s feet. Pointing at her, Madam Lin snapped, “In the past, Yuheng didn’t like you. He would rather sleep in his study than go to your room. Now that he’s finally returned to your room, you’re the one sleeping elsewhere.”
“What exactly are you trying to do? Is this how you treat your husband?”
Ji Hanyi took a step back and looked up at Madam Lin. “Since Mother already knows that Eldest Master does not care for me, why insist on forcing the matter?”
Madam Lin froze, then fixed Ji Hanyi with a cold stare. “What do you mean by that?”
Ji Hanyi shook her head. “Nothing in particular. If Mother wants heirs, and since I cannot win Eldest Master’s heart, you can have Eldest Master divorce me and marry someone else.”
Madam Lin pointed at Ji Hanyi in shock. For a long moment, she was too stunned to speak.
Was this really the same meek and obedient Ji Hanyi who had always kept her eyes lowered and submitted without complaint?
Madam Lin almost felt as though the woman before her had become someone else entirely.
When she finally recovered, she said “good” three times in succession, then sneered. “You said it yourself. Don’t start threatening to kill yourself and bringing up that agreement from all those years ago when I have Yuheng divorce you.”