Chapter 1
Chapter 1
It was the dead of night in the depths of winter. The roar of the blizzard flooded the ears, mingling with the sharp cracks of the curtains snapping in the wind.
Ji Hanyi narrowed her eyes and lifted the frozen curtain with stiff fingers. She stared into the dense, snow-choked darkness. The hoofbeats of an approaching horse were faint beneath the howling wind, but she still heard them.
A soft, delicate voice came from behind her. “Cousin-in-law, will Cousin come to get us?”
Hanyi let the curtain fall. She did not answer, merely closing her eyes in exhaustion.
She knew he would come.
He would come no matter how fierce the blizzard was.
She had not wanted to accompany Li Mingrou to the hot spring estate today, but he had said, “Hanyi, you’re Mingrou’s cousin-in-law. She has a condition that makes her vulnerable to the cold. It’s only right that you look after her.”
His voice had been cool and detached, arranging everything as if it were only natural.
But on their way back, the heavy snow had blocked the road, one of the carriage wheels had cracked, and they had been stranded halfway home.
The coachman had ridden back to report the situation almost four hours ago. He should be here soon.
The approaching hoofbeats rose and fell amid the storm like a flurry of drumbeats, growing more urgent as they drew closer. At last, a horse whinnied, and a gentle yet worried voice came from outside the carriage.
“Mingrou.”
The curtain was immediately lifted, and a large, slender hand reached inside.
Ji Hanyi lowered her eyes to that hand. It was clearly not there for her.
Li Mingrou’s choked voice came from beside her, soft and petulant. “Cousin, you’re finally here.”
Li Mingrou placed her delicate fingers in that long hand. Perhaps she had been too frightened, for she threw herself toward him, her pink-clad figure fluttering like a butterfly. Her faint sobs wound through the snowy night like the lingering warmth of spring, enough to draw anyone who heard them under their spell.
Hanyi watched in silence as the long fingers resting against the back of Mingrou’s pink dress hesitated, then tightened, drawing her closer.
A thick fox-fur cloak was immediately draped over Mingrou’s slender shoulders.
Hanyi looked away and turned her gaze toward the curtain beside her.
It whipped wildly in the snowy wind, letting flakes blow inside and strike her cheeks. She could no longer feel the cold.
She merely tucked her stiff fingers deeper into her sleeves.
Li Mingrou cried in Xie Yuheng’s arms for a long time before his gentle murmurs finally soothed her. Then he carried her out of the carriage.
From outside, Hanyi heard Li Mingrou ask through her lingering sobs, “But what about Cousin-in-law?”
The man’s reply was swallowed by the wind and snow. Ji Hanyi did not hear it, but it did not really matter.
She simply pulled her cloak tighter around herself and silently watched the glass lantern swaying inside the carriage, casting fractured shadows across her body.
Before long, the curtain was lifted again. His refined, aristocratic face appeared before her, cool and distant. For the first time that night, he spoke to her.
“The carriage coming to pick you up was blocked by a snowdrift halfway here and couldn’t go any farther. I had no choice but to ride ahead on horseback.”
“Mingrou has always been sensitive to the cold, and this ordeal gave her a terrible fright. I can only take one person back on the horse, so I’ll take her first.”
“Wait here a little longer. The carriage will arrive soon.”
Ji Hanyi nodded in understanding without asking any questions. “All right.”
His face shifted in and out of shadow beneath the dim, flickering light. He studied Ji Hanyi’s calm expression, then noticed how she was huddled in on herself, her skin deathly pale. The step he had been about to take faltered.
He looked at her again and added by way of explanation, “I could only bring one fox-fur cloak with me. You’re her cousin-in-law, so I’m afraid you’ll have to bear with it for now.”
Ji Hanyi had heard words like these countless times since marrying him, as if becoming his wife meant she was naturally expected to be the one who suffered.
Perhaps in the past, she would already have demanded an answer from him: Just who is your wife?
But back then, Xie Yuheng would only look at her with eyes colder still.
He would not answer or offer so much as a single word of explanation. He would only pierce her with that icicle-sharp gaze until not an inch of her remained unscathed, until she felt like nothing but an unreasonable madwoman.
Now, Ji Hanyi was too weary even to question him. It would make no difference. He still would not take her with him.
She was his wife, yet she had never once mattered in his heart.
She was too exhausted to speak. She only nodded. “Go quickly. Mingrou is still waiting for you on horseback.”
At those words, Ji Hanyi saw Xie Yuheng’s brows draw together as he regarded her with a complicated look.
Ji Hanyi closed her eyes. It was not for any other reason; she simply had nothing left to say.
Xie Yuheng pressed his lips together again but said no more. After one last glance at Ji Hanyi, he lowered the curtain.
Hoofbeats soon rang out beyond the carriage, then faded into the wind and snow.
Beside her came Rongchun’s sorrowful voice. “His Lordship left you here alone, my lady. Is he truly not worried?”
Hanyi slowly leaned against Rongchun, resting her head on the maid’s shoulder. With lowered eyes, she gazed at the brazier by her feet, where only a few faint embers remained.
As a frosty breath escaped her lips, she found herself beginning to like this bleak solitude.
She quietly closed her eyes and whispered, “Rongchun, I’m going to sleep for a while.”
The moment she closed her eyes, she saw herself three years ago.
It had been early autumn. She had waited outside the Xie Residence for a long time before Xie Yuheng finally appeared.
Clutching the marriage contract binding them together, she ran over to him. Her heart was pounding, but she forced herself to look up at him calmly. “I’m the daughter of the Ji Family.”
“I came to ask whether our betrothal still stands.”
She had already come of age then, and it was the only time in her life she had ever acted so boldly.
Her palms had been slick with nervous sweat, and she had not known what answer she hoped to hear.
By then, her father had already been imprisoned, and the Ji Residence had been confiscated. When a great tree fell, those who once sheltered beneath it scattered. The Ji Residence had once been thronged with visitors, but now there was no one left except those eager to kick the family while it was down.
Although mercy had been shown to her and her mother, sparing them from implication, they had been forced to take shelter with her maternal grandfather’s household, which had itself fallen into decline. Even if Xie Yuheng had backed out of the marriage, no one would have blamed him.
It would only have been human nature. After all, everything had changed.
Even Ji Hanyi had been prepared to tear up the marriage contract on the spot if Xie Yuheng chose to withdraw.
At the time, Xie Yuheng had already made something of a name for himself in the capital. He had entered official service at a young age and risen swiftly to prominence. Upright, refined, and luminous as the moon, he was the man countless young ladies from noble families dreamed of marrying.
He had no shortage of better prospects.
She had even been about to tell him that if he was unwilling, she would tear up the marriage contract and pretend it had never existed. She would not blame him.
But Xie Yuheng agreed.
Ji Hanyi had long forgotten the expression on his face that day. She remembered only his voice, gentle and low, bringing her warmth in that mild autumn when she had been most desperately in need of it.
He had said, “Since this match was arranged by our parents, the betrothal naturally still stands.”
“In a few days, I will ask my mother to visit and discuss the wedding date.”
Back then, Ji Hanyi had believed she had found a good man with whom she could spend the rest of her life.
She had believed that the man who offered her warmth in her darkest hour would treat her as well as her father had always treated her mother.
She had thought she had a home again.
Only now did she understand that the man she had believed so good had married her merely to preserve his reputation. His heart had already belonged to someone else.
Amid the endless white of winter, she turned in a daze, as though waking from a dream, only to meet a pair of disappointed eyes that haunted her in the depths of night.
“Look closely. This is the husband you chose.”
Another bone-chilling gust forced its way through the thick curtain and swept inside, jolting her awake.
Ji Hanyi abruptly opened her eyes and looked at the charcoal fire, which had long since burned out.
Her stiff, frozen fingers no longer had the strength to stir it.
She remembered visiting her father in prison for the last time when she was fourteen. He had held her hand with the same tenderness as ever and spoken slowly.
“Hanyi, don’t cry. There is no absolute right or wrong in this world, just as there is no absolute good or evil.”
“Official fortunes rise and fall. Those who win may not keep winning forever, and even those who lose may one day rise from the ashes.”
“Do not hate. Do not cling. Do not obsess.”
“Let go of the past and always move forward.”
Ji Hanyi looked out at the snow beyond the curtain.
All at once, she understood. Only by ending this marriage — a marriage forever trapped in the dead of winter — could she do as her father had said and keep moving forward.