Chapter 46

Chapter 46

Xie Yuheng’s words made Ji Hanyi frown.

She paused, then shook her head. “Who knows when there will be another monkey performance? Mingrou is still waiting for you. There is no need to keep me company, Eldest Master. You should go.”

Xie Yuheng could not help remembering that snowy night. She had said the same thing then: Mingrou was waiting for him, so he need not concern himself with her.

She said it with such matter-of-fact generosity, as though it had long since become perfectly ordinary for her husband to abandon her for another woman.

The dull, helpless ache in his chest swelled until panic joined it.

He gazed intently at Ji Hanyi and said in a hoarse voice, “Hanyi, if you want me to stay with you, I will.”

“It has been far too long since I spent any time with you.”

Ji Hanyi paused, then shook her head. “I have no need of your company, Eldest Master.”

She removed Xie Yuheng’s hand from her wrist and curtsied to him. “The snow is still falling. You should go, Eldest Master. Mingrou is frail. Do not leave her standing outside in the cold.”

Without caring what expression crossed his face, Ji Hanyi turned and walked through the vermilion gates.

Of course she had seen the hope in his eyes, the wish that she would ask him to stay, but it only disgusted her.

Perhaps he had grown accustomed to her trailing after him and enduring his indifferent cruelty no matter how deeply it cut. Now that she no longer cared, he was the one who could not adjust.

She did not believe Xie Yuheng had suddenly awakened to how badly he had wronged her or begun to feel guilty. His strange behavior looked more like panic at realizing he could no longer control her.

He had simply grown comfortable with her suffering and submission.

When she failed to behave as he expected, he felt his grip on her slipping.

It was nothing but greed.

He wanted everything.

Xie Yuheng stared blankly after Ji Hanyi.

Li Mingrou glanced at Ji Hanyi, then walked to Xie Yuheng’s side and whispered, “Cousin-in-law is always quarreling with you like this, Brother Xie. I feel so wronged for you.”

Tears pooled in her reddening eyes, making her look delicate and pitiful.

Xie Yuheng turned toward Li Mingrou just as a tear slipped down her cheek, yet his emotions were tangled and hard to name.

He knew perfectly well that, apart from the past few days, Ji Hanyi had never acted this way before.

Whatever he said, she quietly agreed. She never even told him when she had been wronged.

They had been married for three years, yet they had never once gone out alone together.

He had accompanied Mingrou countless times, but never Hanyi.

He wanted to make amends.

That day, he had planned to escort Mingrou back first and then take Hanyi to the temple fair.

Ji Hanyi disappeared beyond the vermilion gates without looking back. The gates slowly closed behind her.

The strength seemed to drain from Xie Yuheng’s body. He stared distractedly into Li Mingrou’s glistening eyes. Only after a long moment did he manage to say, his voice strained, “Let’s go.”

Ji Hanyi returned directly to her courtyard. Only then did she take the handkerchief from her sleeve and spread it across the table.

On the white embroidered cloth lay a scarlet insect half the length of a little finger. It was already dead.

Rongchun, who stood beside her, could not help asking, “Was this the insect that did this to you, Young Madam?”

Then she looked at Ji Hanyi. “What do you intend to do?”

Ji Hanyi had already formed a plan while she was with Shen Si.

In the past, Li Mingrou had used petty schemes to drive a wedge between people. No one believed Ji Hanyi, so she had been forced to endure it in silence.

This time, however, Li Mingrou had tried to destroy her reputation. Ji Hanyi could no longer swallow it.

She said quietly, “Do not worry. This time, I will not let the matter be brushed aside as it was before.”

Li Mingrou could not always get her way.

That night, Ji Hanyi had already gone to bed by the time Xie Yuheng returned.

Xie Yuheng stood outside the door to Ji Hanyi’s study, staring at the lamps that had long since gone dark. His thoughts churned.

He was not especially late. It was only around eight in the evening.

Ji Hanyi had never gone to bed so early in the past. Even if she had already retired when he returned, she would get up to help him change.

Earlier that day, he had been out with Li Mingrou when they ran into several of his colleagues. Her veiled hat concealed her face, so none of them recognized the woman beside him and they instinctively assumed she was his wife.

When they remarked on how affectionate he and his wife were, an inexplicable emptiness opened inside him.

His actual wife, Ji Hanyi, had never once gone out alone with him.

He had never felt guilty about it before, yet now guilt filled him.

He looked down at the honey-date cake in his hand and remembered Ji Hanyi once saying that she liked it.

The cake had already grown cool. Xie Yuheng raised his hand to push open the door, but stopped halfway.

What he truly wanted was for Ji Hanyi to argue with him and vent her grievances. At least then he would know what she was thinking and what she wanted him to do.

At least he could still believe she cared about him.

But how could Ji Hanyi possibly not care?

Perhaps she cared too much, and this was only her way of making him notice her.

Xie Yuheng sighed, helpless in the face of what he saw as her latest act of willfulness.

He had only asked that she stop targeting Mingrou, yet she insisted on competing with Mingrou in everything and was now behaving so unreasonably.

Xie Yuheng drew a deep breath and finally pushed the door open.

The room was dim and carried the mingled scents of ink and fruit. Without looking around, his gaze went straight to the simple bamboo couch.

Ji Hanyi was asleep alone. Although the night was cold, she had dismissed Rongchun rather than have her keep watch. She had deliberately gone to bed early to avoid Xie Yuheng.

The door was suddenly flung open from outside, sending cold air rushing into the warm room. Clad only in her nightclothes, Ji Hanyi pushed herself upright on the bamboo couch. By the faint light of the lamp left burning beside it, she looked toward Xie Yuheng as he entered.
The cold clinging to Xie Yuheng was biting. He quietly regarded the woman half-risen from the bed — Ji Hanyi’s face was as lovely as a hibiscus blossom above her moon-white underrobe, her long hair spilling over her shoulders. Yet her expression no longer brightened at his arrival.

If this was what she wanted, if all of this was merely a deliberate ploy, then he would give in.

As soon as he entered, he sat down on the edge of the bamboo daybed and placed the slightly cooled honeyed date cake in Ji Hanyi’s hand. As if finally deigning to speak first, he said, “Come back to the main quarters and sleep.”

Xie Yuheng had left the door open behind him. Cold wind poured into the once-warm room, gradually chilling it. Ji Hanyi, dressed only in a thin underrobe, could not bear the cold, but when it came to Xie Yuheng, even disappointment now felt exhausting.

She lowered her gaze to the cooled honeyed date cake in her hand. There was no need to ask. Li Mingrou must have wanted it, so he had bought it for her. Perhaps this piece was merely what Li Mingrou had not finished.

Ji Hanyi had never been one to assume the worst of him, but this was far from the first time something like this had happened.

Besides, she did not even like honeyed date cake. The one who liked it was Li Mingrou.

During the first year of their marriage, after they had gone to a temple to pray for blessings, he had bought honeyed date cake for Li Mingrou. Perhaps because Ji Hanyi happened to be standing nearby, he had asked whether she liked it too. She had said yes. From then on, whenever he bought some for Li Mingrou, he would have a servant bring the leftovers back to Ji Hanyi.

It had never even occurred to him to buy her a separate portion.

Of course, Ji Hanyi had not known any of this at first. But Li Mingrou had told her, gloating and smug.

Ji Hanyi had never confronted Xie Yuheng about it. Even if she had, he would only have thought she was making a fuss over nothing.

She had simply thrown the cake away and pretended nothing had happened.

Now, looking at the honeyed date cake in her hand, Ji Hanyi set it beside her pillow and looked at Xie Yuheng. “Eldest Master, I no longer like this.”

“The only person who has ever liked honeyed date cake is Li Mingrou.”

“I’ve already gone to bed. You should return early, Eldest Master.”

Xie Yuheng stared at Ji Hanyi in utter incomprehension. “All you want is for me to pay more attention to you. You’re only upset because I spend more time with Mingrou than I do with you.”

“From now on, I’ll try to spend more time with you in the main quarters.”

“Why are you sulking again?”

As he spoke, his gaze traced the graceful curves beneath Ji Hanyi’s thin robe. Her face was lovelier than a delicate blossom, soft and alluring in the lamplight. The warm fragrance drifting from her body sent a surge of desire through him.

Though he rarely shared her bed, Ji Hanyi’s body truly did drive him wild with desire.

His voice grew slightly hoarse, his eyes darkening with intimate heat. “I’ll try to give you a child. Once you have one, you won’t indulge in all these foolish thoughts anymore.”

As he spoke, Xie Yuheng reached out to touch Ji Hanyi’s cheek. Before his fingertips could reach her, however, she calmly turned her face away. His hand froze in midair as he stared at her in silence.

She had never avoided his touch before.

Ji Hanyi had heard that condescending tone countless times. His intimacy was no favor to her.

Weary, she lowered her head and propped her forehead against one hand. “Eldest Master, we can discuss such things another time.”

“And I have never been distressed by you spending time with Mingrou.”

Ji Hanyi lowered her hand and raised her eyes to Xie Yuheng, her voice as soft and gentle as ever. “I am not upset, nor do I resent you.”

“From beginning to end, you are the only one who believed I did.”

“You most likely won’t believe me even after I’ve said all this.”

“But this is still my study. If no one is allowed to enter your study, Eldest Master, why are you free to enter mine whenever you please?”

“The Old Madam said we were to spend the New Year peacefully. Could you let me have some peace, Eldest Master, and stop disturbing me?”

Xie Yuheng went still. He silently stared into Ji Hanyi’s calm eyes. They were dark and devoid of light, while the candlelight fell across one side of her face. In that tranquil voice, she had actually asked him never to disturb her again.

He must have misheard.

Coming from Ji Hanyi, such words struck Xie Yuheng as especially absurd.

His patience exhausted, he rose to his feet, his tall figure casting a dark shadow over her. Frowning at Ji Hanyi in disappointment, he said, “Hanyi, I personally came here today to ask you to return to the main quarters, yet you’re still making a scene.”

“If you keep this up and anger my mother, I won’t plead on your behalf.”

Ji Hanyi almost laughed. When had Xie Yuheng ever pleaded on her behalf?

She had been childless for three years and had endured endless reproaches from her mother-in-law. When had Xie Yuheng ever spoken a single word in her defense?

If only he had explained that his official duties kept him busy and that staying in the study had nothing to do with her, her life before her mother-in-law — and within the Xie Family — would have been a little easier.

But Xie Yuheng had said nothing. Even while his mother blamed her, he could not be bothered to spare Ji Hanyi a single glance.

Ji Hanyi drew a deep breath, then nodded. “All right.”

Those two quiet words, distant and polite, contained all her exhaustion. She could only hope that Xie Yuheng understood she was asking him to leave.

Xie Yuheng looked down at her coldly, regarding her behavior as nothing but an affected performance. His hand clenched into a fist. With a cold laugh and a curt nod, he turned and walked away.

Ji Hanyi watched his retreating figure. He slammed the wooden door behind him, the force of it revealing his mood all too clearly.

A trace of warmth slowly returned to the room, though it was still cold.

She lay back down and stared up at the rafters for a long while. Then she took out the letter Shen Si had sent her from beneath her pillow and carefully read it once more.

She had not expected Shen Si to look into the matter so quickly. His findings were exactly as she had anticipated.

The handwriting on the letter was bold and sweeping. Ji Hanyi recognized Shen Si’s hand. Her fingertips lingered on the paper for a moment before she held it to the candle flame and burned it to ash.