Chapter 36

Chapter 36

How could Ji Hanyi not know who the lord was?

Yet for some reason, unease fluttered in her heart, and her thoughts ran wild as she wondered what Shen Si wanted to say to her.

She followed Wen’an to the carriage. At the sight of its tightly drawn curtains, she felt the same nervousness and panic she had whenever she saw Shen Si in her youth, even though she was still standing outside.

She hesitated, reluctant to get in, but Wen’an had already lifted the curtain and was smiling at her. “Please, Miss Ji.”

Knowing there was no avoiding it, Ji Hanyi steeled herself and climbed inside.

The carriage was not as warm as she had imagined. In fact, it was only slightly warmer than outside.

Only then did she remember that Shen Si did not seem to mind the cold. There was no brazier burning in the carriage, either.

The interior was dim. Though the carriage was spacious, Shen Si’s face was hidden in shadow, leaving Ji Hanyi unable to make out his expression. Nor did she dare raise her head to look at him. She sat stiffly across from him.

When Shen Si remained silent for a long time, Ji Hanyi finally lifted the thin veil from her face and looked across at him. Uncertainly, she asked, “Was there something Lord Shen wished to discuss with me?”

Shen Si gazed at her without a word.

Her presence seemed to fill the carriage with a warm spring fragrance, alluring and softening to the heart.

In the faint lantern light, her face was as flawless as white jade. Her bright eyes turned toward him, glistening as though veiled in water. Those beautiful eyes of hers always seemed tender and full of feeling, delicately enchanting and achingly vulnerable.

Shen Si’s gaze swept over her finely arched brows and graceful chin before returning to her cautious eyes.

She had always looked at him that way, ever since they were children.

Even as a child, Ji Hanyi had been exquisitely pretty, like a little snowball carved from jade. Whenever she propped her chin in her hands and watched him practice calligraphy, her soft cheeks would bunch together so adorably that he sometimes wanted to pinch them.

But Shen Si knew Ji Hanyi was afraid of him. Just now, she had dragged her feet outside the carriage as though reluctant to see him.

In truth, Shen Si had regretted his decision the moment he told Wen’an to summon her. He should not have asked her to come.

There was nothing he could say to her anyway.

She was already another man’s wife. No matter what he said, nothing about her had anything to do with him anymore.

He had thought he could restrain himself. Yet when his carriage passed this place, the longing buried in the deepest recesses of his heart seemed branded into his very bones. He had lifted the curtain — and there she was.

It was like an inescapable destiny.

Shen Si straightened slightly, his face emerging from the shadows. As if asking casually, he said, “Was it good?”

Ji Hanyi froze. Once she realized what he meant, she hurriedly nodded. “It was.”

Shen Si rested his fingers on the teapot atop the small table, poured a cup of hot tea, and passed it to Ji Hanyi. His calm gaze lifted to her. “Has Cousin Xun returned?”

The fact that Shen Si had personally poured tea for her left Ji Hanyi both startled and flattered. She hurriedly accepted the cup with both hands. Realizing that he had most likely called her over to ask about her cousin, she quickly replied, “Cousin Xun returned early the next morning.”

Then she looked at Shen Si with gratitude. “I never had the chance to thank Lord Shen. Thank you for helping us this time.”

As she spoke, Ji Hanyi began to set down the teacup and rise to give Shen Si a formal bow, but his cool, detached “No need” stopped her in her tracks. She sat back down awkwardly, still cradling the cup in her hands, and took a sip at a loss for what else to do.

She did not know what to say. Had Shen Si summoned her merely to ask that one question?

From the corner of his eye, Shen Si watched her uneasy expression. Her half-lifted veil draped against her pink robes, while the green pendant by her ear glimmered in and out of sight. Her lush, warm fragrance grew ever more intoxicating, mingled with the sugary sweetness of the rice dumplings she had eaten.

His throat moved. That familiar yet foreign tide of desire surged through him once more. Lowering his eyes, Shen Si’s cool gaze settled on her slender waist above the smooth folds of her skirt.

He leaned his taut body back against the cushions, retreating into the shadows again. With his head tilted slightly upward and his eyes closed, he asked in his usual aloof voice, now tinged with hoarseness, “Are you treated well in the Xie Family?”

Shen Si thought that if Ji Hanyi told him she was unhappy in the Xie Family, he could perhaps find a thousand reasons to take her away from Xie Yuheng.

He merely wanted to give himself a justifiable reason to possess her.

Shen Si now understood why he had wanted to see Ji Hanyi again.

Once more, he had silently offered her a way out. She did not need to understand his intentions. She only had to tell him of her grievances, her hardships, or her regrets.

She could tell him how her husband did not care for her, how she had been abandoned alone in the snow, or why she was still outside by herself at this hour.

She only had to take one small step toward him, and he would give her a life of even greater wealth, honor, and favor.

An inexplicable air of tension and oppression filled the dim carriage.

Ji Hanyi could not see Shen Si clearly. All she could make out were the long, defined fingers resting on his knee and the turquoise ring on his index finger, emanating an aura of formidable authority.
In Ji Hanyi’s heart, Shen Si had always possessed the stern authority and aloofness of an elder.

She regarded him with reverent fear.

She revered the solemnity and diligence he had shown in his youth, the calm and inscrutable workings of his mind, and even more so the way he stood in the imperial court like a lucid, razor-sharp sword.

Her thoughts in turmoil, she instinctively took Shen Si’s question as nothing more than an elder’s solicitous inquiry — or perhaps a casual remark he had made without thinking.

Nervously, she tightened the fingers resting on her knees. As ill at ease as she would have been before an older relative she barely knew, she opened her mouth like a child who had done something wrong, too ashamed to admit that she had not done well enough. Her halting voice was as soft as an oriole’s song. “Everything is fine for me in the Xie Family.”

The fingers tapping lightly against his knee went still. Shen Si exhaled slowly.

At her declaration that everything was fine, every thought in his mind came to an abrupt halt.

He looked up at the lifelike crane carved into the roof of the carriage. Its wings spread as it soared into the clouds, where layer upon layer of white mist obscured the true form of the immortal high above.

Love and desire were a bottomless abyss shrouded in mist. Even he could not see his true self within it.

Did desire arise from love, or love from desire? Or had the two always been born of each other?

At last, he straightened again and gave Ji Hanyi one final look, his expression shadowed and unfathomable.

For Shen Si, this would most likely be the last time he ever looked at her.

He had gotten his answer. From now on, he would never see her again.

The woman’s soft, full face had grown all the more captivating. Light shimmered in the eyes beneath her fine, dark brows. She looked at him with fear and nervousness, even her earrings trembling with unease.

The way Shen Si stared at her made Ji Hanyi panic. She even began to wonder if she had said something wrong.

A confused thought crossed her mind — she seemed to have seen that look before.

But she could not remember when.

While she was still distracted, Shen Si’s deep voice sounded again. “Madam Xie, you should get out of the carriage.”

Ji Hanyi came back to herself and hurriedly rose.

She meant to curtsy to Shen Si before leaving, but the carriage was obviously not tall enough. Her head struck the roof, and she cried out as her body pitched forward. She quickly stepped forward to steady herself, instinctively raising a hand to rub the top of her head.

Shame flooded her at having lost all composure in front of Shen Si. Her cheeks burned scarlet, and her heart quivered. Just as she lowered her head to apologize, she met Shen Si’s upturned gaze.

His eyes were as calm as a bottomless pool of stagnant water, devoid of ripples or emotion.

He still sat high above her like a deity upon a viewing platform, watching without the slightest disturbance as she made a fool of herself below.

That only made Ji Hanyi feel even more humiliated and mortified.

Perhaps, in Shen Si’s eyes, she was no different from anyone else. Even when she was in such an embarrassing state, he remained expressionless, making her feel as insignificant as a speck of dust before him.

Ji Hanyi lowered her eyes. For some reason, a sudden heat pricked behind them. Her lashes trembled, and she hurriedly excused herself in a soft voice before lifting the curtain beside her and fleeing almost as if in panic.

She only wanted to escape that humiliating, suffocating situation as quickly as possible.

Standing by the roadside, she watched the luxurious carriage drive away without the slightest pause. The cool breeze stirred the gauze in her hair. She blinked, looked at the bright lanterns all around her, then raised her eyes to the fathomless night sky.

Inside the carriage, Shen Si closed his eyes. All he could see was the step Ji Hanyi had taken toward him moments ago.

Her soft fragrance had washed over him. Her faintly flushed face had been every bit as alluring as it had been that night, and her slender waist, narrow enough to encircle with one hand, had been within arm’s reach.

In that instant, he had nearly lost control and reached out to drag her tightly into his arms, pin her beneath him, and kiss her sweet, fragrant lips with all his strength.

Even though she was already another man’s wife, even though her heart remained with the Xie Family, he would have offered her the most irresistible terms to tempt her.

How could Xie Yuheng compare to him?

How could the Xie Family’s wealth and status compare to the splendor of the Marquis of Rong’en’s Residence?

In that instant, desire had come within a hair’s breadth of overwhelming reason.

Another moment, and all his amorous thoughts of her would have spilled out unchecked.

He had even imagined her expression, her movements, and her reaction.

He had even thought that if she struggled and resisted, he would pin her beneath him with force and surrender to every desire his body harbored for her.

Fortunately, she had fled in haste.

That had been enough to drown the thoughts that had accumulated for so long.

Once more, he buried his body’s primal desires.

It was not yet very late when Ji Hanyi returned to the Xie Residence — only around eight in the evening.

As she passed the main house on her way to the rooms along the rear corridor, she saw that the main house was ablaze with light. A maid from the front gate followed behind her, but Ji Hanyi told the girl not to announce her arrival, intending to leave without disturbing anyone.

She had not even brought a lantern, all to avoid attracting attention.

But to her surprise, Xie Yuheng was standing alone outside the door to her study.

His features cold and distant, he stood in the shadows and watched her in silence.