Chapter 151
Chapter 151
Although Shen Si kept his eyes lowered as the dim candlelight fell across his face, his gaze never truly left Ji Hanyi.
He saw every trace of shock and bewilderment on her face.
She wanted to leave. She wanted to go somewhere else and live a free, unfettered life.
But he wanted her to stay – wanted her to remain with him for many years to come. Selfishly, he wanted her by his side, living within the sprawling Shen Residence, even though that was not the freedom she yearned for.
He had once thought of letting her go, but it was already too late. He could no longer bear to.
The mere thought that another man might one day appear by her side, that she might marry someone else, or even that her cousin might leave with her…
He could not let go.
Whenever he imagined that she might someday belong to someone else, he could not bring himself to release her.
He wanted to be selfish for once.
He had even come before her drenched to the skin, trying to soften her heart by making himself look pitiful.
His voice slightly hoarse, Shen Si pressed his lips together and leaned his tall frame forward. His dark gaze settled on Ji Hanyi. “His Majesty the Emperor intends to grant me a marriage to a woman from the Empress Dowager’s maternal clan.”
Ji Hanyi froze at this. Then she looked at Shen Si in confusion and asked softly, “Does Lord Shen not wish to marry her?”
Shen Si lowered his eyes. “This marriage would place another shackle on the Shen Family.”
“The Shen Family may appear to be at the height of its glory, but we are also oil simmering over a blazing fire. By granting this marriage, His Majesty the Emperor would, firstly, be showing favor to both the Empress Dowager and the Shen Residence, demonstrating that the imperial family treats both clans of imperial relatives with equal generosity. Secondly, it would allow the Empress Dowager to place an informant by my side openly and legitimately. From then on, every word and action of the Shen Family would be watched by yet another pair of imperial eyes.”
“The power of imperial relatives has always been a thorn in an emperor’s heart. His Majesty the Emperor has long since grown wary of the Shen Family. If he decides to act against us one day, he will be able to use me to restrain, placate, and monitor the family.”
After Shen Si finished speaking, he glanced at Ji Hanyi from the corner of his eye. When he saw the genuine gravity on her face, the corners of his lips curved upward almost imperceptibly.
His Majesty the Emperor’s desire for him to marry Sun Baoqiong did indeed carry such intentions, but the situation was nowhere near as dire as he had made it sound.
But if he did not make it sound dire, how could Ji Hanyi possibly agree?
Shen Si had only spoken a few brief sentences, yet Ji Hanyi found them terrifying. The situation sounded extremely grave.
She understood his implication as well: His Majesty the Emperor had begun to fear the Shen Family and was preparing to move against them.
Her fingertips curled slightly. Although she understood, she still hesitated before asking, “But if His Majesty the Emperor intends to grant you a marriage, can you refuse, Lord Shen?”
Shen Si raised his eyes, his voice very low. “His Majesty the Emperor has not issued the decree yet. I need only become betrothed before then.”
Ji Hanyi stared at him in surprise. “But wouldn’t His Majesty the Emperor take his anger out on the Shen Family?”
Shen Si looked directly at Ji Hanyi. “That is why I want to marry you.”
“There is no one left in the Ji Family but you. Even if His Majesty the Emperor is displeased, your natal clan has little power and can bring the Shen Family no advantage. He will be able to accept it.”
“Even if His Majesty the Emperor does become angry, I can handle it. You will not be implicated.”
“Besides, you are the only woman I know.”
Shen Si’s voice grew hoarse. “Hanyi, will you help me?”
Ji Hanyi went completely still.
She understood everything Shen Si meant. Although she knew little about matters of the imperial court, for Shen Si to say such things to her, the situation had to be extraordinarily urgent.
She owed Shen Si so much and had always wanted to repay him, but to do so in this way…
Under Shen Si’s unwavering gaze, Ji Hanyi’s heart clenched. This was the first time he had ever asked her for help. He had come to her drenched to the skin. If she refused him, she would feel as though she had wronged him.
Yet she could not bring herself to agree without hesitation either.
She knew that if she truly agreed to marry Shen Si, she would have to spend the rest of her life within the inner compound, bound by endless rules and unable to live the life she had once dreamed of.
She had spent the first half of her life confined within the walls of a manor, cautious in all she did, quiet and obedient. Yet she had received no true affection and ended up with nothing. She truly wanted to live a free and unburdened life now.
With Shen Si, she felt safe. She trusted and depended on him, but it did not seem to be romantic love.
Ji Hanyi hesitated, then asked Shen Si softly, “Even if we set aside the difference in our family backgrounds, I have been divorced. Would the Shen Family agree?”
From the hesitation in Ji Hanyi’s eyes, Shen Si understood that, deep down, she did not want this.
At this moment, he was forcing her to stay.
But even if it meant forcing her, he would keep her by his side.
If she still wanted to leave, he would find some other way to make her stay.
He would be selfish just this once in his life. This would be the one time he wronged her.
Shen Si lowered his head and watched the water continue to drip from his sleeve, one drop at a time. His voice was hoarse. “Hanyi, you don’t need to worry about any of that. I only need you to say yes.”
Ji Hanyi looked at him blankly. His body was slightly hunched, his soaked black robes clinging to him. Several strands had fallen loose from his usually immaculate hair, and his face flickered in and out of view in the dim light. He looked almost vulnerable, yet there was still something unmistakably noble about him.
Ji Hanyi had never seen Shen Si like this before, so bedraggled and forlorn.
In her eyes, he had always been dignified and meticulous, aloof and rigidly proper. Yet now, he had laid out the stakes for her, confessed his worries and plans, and spoken of the Shen Family’s future. He had even said that she was the only woman he knew, as if she were the only person who could help him.
Ji Hanyi parted her lips. She knew she should not refuse him, but deep in her heart, she still felt a trace of uncertainty, confusion, and unwillingness.
Whether it was her uncertainty over marrying Shen Si or her reluctance to abandon the future she had already planned for herself, all her emotions surged within her at once.
Silence filled the space between them. A crystal-clear drop of water, reflecting the firelight, slowly slid over the back of Shen Si’s hand and across the turquoise ring on his index finger. It gathered at his fingertip, then fell as his hand shifted slightly.
The silence made Shen Si close his eyes. Forcing her to agree was tormenting him as well.
It made him understand all the more clearly that Ji Hanyi had no romantic feelings for him.
Shen Si slowly drew a deep breath, raised his head, and looked at Ji Hanyi’s face. In the same hoarse voice, he said, “Hanyi, you don’t have to give me your answer now. Take two days to think it over, then tell me.”
“If you regret it in the future, I will make sure you are provided for and let you leave.”
As the words fell, Shen Si clearly saw the relief that crossed Ji Hanyi’s face. His gaze shifted, and the corners of his lips dipped with faint bitterness.
Ji Hanyi met Shen Si’s eyes. The way he looked at her made her feel strangely guilty, but at least he had given her two days instead of demanding an immediate answer.
She quickly agreed, giving him a gentle nod. “Lord Shen, I will think it over carefully.”
It was not that Ji Hanyi was unwilling to answer Shen Si now. She simply wanted to give herself time to accept it. This was her own decision. Even if her life turned out poorly in the future, she wanted it to be a choice she had made after careful consideration, so she would have no one else to blame and no right to regret it later.
Ji Hanyi thought that, deep down, she had already decided to accept Shen Si’s proposal – especially if she could repay him this way.
She simply needed a little time to shoulder the weight of that decision. She also had to discuss it properly with her mother. After all, they might no longer be able to go to Wei County, and she would need to explain everything to Second Uncle as well.
She could not refuse Shen Si as he was now, but she first had to put her own affairs in order.