Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Ji Hanyi lowered her eyes. The dangling earring beside her cheek brushed against her skin, bringing a faint chill.

Old Madam Gu lowered her voice again. “Old Madam Xie does have a point. Divorce is no small matter. Both of you must think it through carefully. If you act on impulse and come to regret the consequences, there will be no turning back.”

She looked down at Ji Hanyi’s profile. “Girl Yi, no matter what decision you make, I will support you. I’m only afraid you’ll regret it.”

“The Xie Family is flourishing now. The three men of the family who bear the title Master all serve as officials. If Xie Yuheng’s father returns from Xuanzhou, he will receive an appointment no lower than vice minister.”

“Yuheng has done well for himself too. He has already accomplished something at such a young age.”

“Besides, the Xie Family promised back then that he would never take a concubine. Can you truly bear to give up such an excellent marriage?”

Ji Hanyi had considered everything her grandmother said through countless sleepless nights.

But she would not turn back.

She looked at her grandmother and spoke as gently as she always had. “The Xie Family may be good, but after what happened with Cousin Xun this time, surely Grandmother can see that the Xie Family’s prosperity has nothing to do with me.”

“What I want has never been the Xie Family’s wealth or status. Xie Yuheng and I have never been of one mind. His advancement is his alone, and his wealth and glory are his alone. I am nothing more than a decorative vase displayed in the Xie Residence.”

“It would be all too easy for Xie Yuheng to give his heart to another woman someday. I would rather free myself now than sink deep into the mire later.”

“I know I am being somewhat willful this time. Please let me be willful just this once, Grandmother.”

Old Madam Gu listened, then gazed deeply at Ji Hanyi.

Three years had passed. The little girl who had once been soft in both nature and temper, delicate and forever acting spoiled, had grown up.

Though she was dressed as a married woman, neat and dignified, her eyes and brows still looked much as they had before, inspiring both affection and heartache.

Old Madam Gu drew Ji Hanyi into her arms. For one heartbreaking moment, tears blurred her vision. Stroking Ji Hanyi’s back, she said, “Girl Yi, when the time comes for the divorce, remember to send word. Your cousin and I will go to the Xie Family and stand behind you.”

“Your mother is weak-natured and prone to trapping herself in her own thoughts, so don’t tell her yet. Keep it from her for as long as you can. She cannot handle such upheaval, and it would only cause more trouble.”

“I may be old, but I will never allow one of my own girls to suffer injustice.”

Ever since her father passed away, Ji Hanyi had rarely allowed herself to cry. Only in front of her grandmother did all her pent-up pain come surging out, and she wept her heart out.

Before she left, her grandmother asked about what had happened with Cousin Xun last time. Ji Hanyi concealed nothing.

After hearing the whole story, Old Madam Gu looked at Ji Hanyi’s reddened, still-damp eyes with nothing but sympathy. “You have been put through a great deal.”

Then she added, “Marquis Shen was probably willing to help you out of regard for the old friendship between your father and the Former Chief Grand Secretary. Did you thank him properly?”

Ji Hanyi paused. It was not that she was unwilling to thank him.

On the day she learned Cousin Xun had returned, she had written Shen Si a letter. She did not even know whether he had read it.

The last time they were in the carriage, she had meant to thank him properly, only to make a fool of herself in front of him. Everything had become a muddle, and even her departure had been hurried.

She said none of this. In any case, a man like Shen Si probably would not care whether he received a word of thanks from her.

Upon leaving her grandmother’s quarters, Ji Hanyi found Gu Yan standing at the entrance to the courtyard of Ning’an Hall. He did not go inside, instead pacing outside the courtyard. The moment he saw her, he hurriedly stepped toward her.

Ji Hanyi held a handkerchief in one hand and dabbed beneath her eyes once more. Looking at Gu Yan, she asked, “Were you going in to see Grandmother?”

Her soft voice was still slightly hoarse from crying. Gu Yan’s heart began pounding wildly at the sound, and his palms grew damp with nerves. He did not even dare lower his gaze to look at Ji Hanyi for long.

He fixed his eyes instead on her graceful shoulders beneath her water-green robe, where subtle woven patterns shimmered across the fabric. The cool wind threw his thoughts into disarray, but he feigned composure and nodded. “I’m on rotation today, so I thought I’d stop by and see Grandmother.”

Ji Hanyi nodded and moved aside to let him pass. “Grandmother is free right now, and she seems to be feeling better too. I’m sure your filial devotion will make her happy, Cousin Yan.”

All Gu Yan could see were the pointed toes of her shoes as she shifted gracefully aside. His cheeks grew hotter. When he lifted his gaze to Ji Hanyi’s face, he saw that her eyes were rimmed in red and glistening like stars, while the tip of her fine, straight nose was faintly pink. His hand rose before he could stop it as he asked urgently, “What’s wrong?”

Ji Hanyi shook her head. “Don’t worry. I was only happy to see Grandmother.”

Gu Yan’s half-raised hand dropped again. A scorching emotion was pent up inside his chest, pressing so painfully against that single spot that even speaking became difficult.

Ji Hanyi looked up at Gu Yan once more. “You must have been waiting here for quite a while, Cousin Yan. This spot catches the wind, and it’s cold. You should hurry inside.”
Gu Yan merely lowered his head, but his gaze involuntarily followed Ji Hanyi’s retreating figure. Then he jolted back to his senses as if waking from a dream, a fresh sheen of sweat breaking out across his back.

His heart pounded so violently it seemed ready to drown him, and even his steps as he walked into the courtyard grew unsteady.

Ji Hanyi stayed with her mother for a while and carefully checked her medicine. Just as she was about to leave, Second Aunt invited her over.

Second Aunt held her hand and spoke at length about how grateful she was, only to start crying again as she worried about Ji Hanyi’s future in the Xie Family.

Ji Hanyi comforted her. Having family by her side who cared enough to worry about her finally brought some warmth to her heart.

Before leaving, she also went to see Cousin Xun. The instruments of torture at the Northern Pacification Office were indeed brutal, and they truly had shown him little mercy. Gu Xun had been bedridden for so long and still had not recovered, and the sight pained Ji Hanyi deeply.

When she returned to the Xie Residence, Old Madam Xie once again asked Ji Hanyi to join her for lunch.

Ji Hanyi understood that Old Madam Xie likely had something to say to her. By the time she arrived, the table in the front hall had already been laid with food. Old Madam Xie smiled and beckoned Ji Hanyi to sit beside her.

They did not speak much during the meal. Once they had finished, Old Madam Xie took Ji Hanyi’s hand and asked, “Have things been well between you and Yuheng lately?”

Ji Hanyi knew that Old Madam Xie would naturally favor Xie Yuheng to some extent, so she did not know how to answer.

Old Madam Xie continued, “Your mother-in-law came to me first thing this morning. She said you and Heng’er were sleeping in separate rooms, and that you had angered him so badly that he had stayed away for several days. She cried and made such a scene, insisting that I take charge and give Heng’er a concubine. She gave me quite the headache.”

Ji Hanyi looked up at Old Madam Xie. “Hanyi has caused you trouble, Old Madam.”

Old Madam Xie sighed as she looked at her. “How could you call it trouble?”

Then her tone shifted. “But what problem between husband and wife could truly be insurmountable? Among men in officialdom, how many with even a little ability spend their days preoccupied with romance and affection?”

“Just look at your father-in-law. He has held posts away from home for years, and your mother-in-law has always been understanding and kept the residence in excellent order.”

Old Madam Xie tightened her grip on Ji Hanyi’s hand. “Hanyi, that is enough. A woman’s fate is to stand behind her husband. Managing the inner household and bearing and raising children is a woman’s greatest purpose.”

“It does not matter if you feel some discontent, nor does a man’s affection matter. What matters most to a woman is her respectability. Of all the women who marry, how many truly find everything to their satisfaction?”

Ji Hanyi parted her lips, wanting to say something, but ultimately fell silent.

In truth, Old Madam Xie could not fully understand her. Ji Hanyi knew she could pretend not to see or hear and maintain a respectable marriage with Xie Yuheng for the rest of her life. It would only mean swallowing a few grievances. It was only a matter of her husband not loving her. She could endure it if she tried.

But she simply found it all so pointless. Being trapped here was unbearably dull.

More importantly, she did not believe Xie Yuheng was worth it. He was not worth her forbearance, nor was he worth bearing and raising children for.

Old Madam Xie did not wait for a clear answer from Ji Hanyi. Instead, she continued, “The day after tomorrow, Her Majesty the Empress will be holding a Snow-Viewing Banquet at the Shen Residence. The Xie Residence has received an invitation as well. You should go with the rest of the household.”

Old Madam Xie gazed at Ji Hanyi with a melancholy look. “You did not originally need to attend, but I want you to go so you can speak with the ladies of other families and hear about their lives. No one’s life is perfect, just as the moon cannot always be full. Go take a look around and clear your mind. Perhaps then you will be able to come to terms with things.”

“If you do, leave the banquet a little early. Yuheng’s carriage will be waiting for you. Whatever the two of you have to say, you should talk it through.”

“As for your mother-in-law’s demand that he take a concubine, you need not worry. Heng’er has also assured me that the promise his father made when he proposed the marriage still stands. Even if you cannot bear a child, we will bring another child from the clan under your name. He will never take a concubine.”

Ji Hanyi lowered her eyes submissively, her fingertips tensing slightly.

Before she could say that she did not want to go to the Shen Family’s banquet, Old Madam Xie’s next words stopped her.

“Hanyi, I am on your side, but you must accept my good intentions. Otherwise, how can I continue to side with you?”

“Do not refuse. You must at least give Yuheng a chance to prove himself.”

“Do not mention divorce again for the time being. Spend these next few days together pleasantly. No matter how things end, I will stand up for you where I should.”

Two days later, Ji Hanyi finished getting ready and headed toward the front gate, only to find Xie Yuheng waiting there.

It was a day off from court, and Xie Yuheng had made a rare return to the residence. However, the two of them had not crossed paths. When she went to pay her respects to Madam Lin, Xie Yuheng had been in the study, so she was rather surprised to see him now.
She also spotted Li Mingrou standing beside Xie Yuheng, gazing up at him with her soft, limpid eyes. Ji Hanyi could not hear what they were saying, but Xie Yuheng was helping Li Mingrou into a carriage.

At the sight, Ji Hanyi understood why Xie Yuheng was here. She quietly turned and headed toward the carriages at the rear.

The carriage at the front was for the unmarried young ladies. The carriages behind it held the married women of the Xie Family, followed by the carriages of Second Madam and Third Madam.

After seeing Li Mingrou into her carriage, Xie Yuheng turned to look for Ji Hanyi. When he saw her climbing into a carriage alone, his heart tightened. He crossed the distance in a few quick strides and caught her by the wrist.

In a low voice, he said, “I saw you arrive just now. I meant to hurry and help Mingrou into the carriage, then come find you.”

He added, “Why didn’t you wait for me?”

Ji Hanyi merely murmured an acknowledgment before asking, “Does Eldest Master have anything else to say?”

Xie Yuheng felt as though he had punched a ball of cotton, all his strength swallowed without effect. He drew a deep breath as he studied Ji Hanyi’s placid features. The gaze she turned on him no longer held any of its former warmth or brightness.

Taking another deep breath, he said, “I’ll come pick you up when the banquet is over.”

He watched her as he spoke, then gently rubbed his thumb across her soft palm, his voice easing. “I’ll take you around the temple fair.”

Ji Hanyi was about to refuse when the coachman came forward and asked Xie Yuheng whether they should depart. Xie Yuheng told her, “Wait for me,” then stepped back several paces and nodded to the coachman.

Li Mingrou lifted the curtain and looked at Xie Yuheng. Seeing his gaze remain fixed on Ji Hanyi’s carriage, her expression shifted.

There were already many guests in the rear gardens of the Shen Residence. People occupied the pavilions and waterside terraces, but the grounds were so expansive that they did not feel crowded.

Glazed-tile pavilions stood beside the water, surrounded by rare trees and exotic flowers. Branches of prized plum trees reached out from the covered galleries. Maidservants carrying golden trays passed through winding corridors, the sweep of their skirts trailing a fragrant breeze that stirred the copper bells beneath the eaves. Their chiming blended perfectly with the soft rustle of the falling snow.

Upon arrival, everyone was expected to pay their respects to Her Majesty the Empress and Madam Shen first. Ji Hanyi walked alone at the very back, her eyes lowered demurely. Unlike the others, she did not look around in wonder.

She seldom interacted with the other daughters-in-law of the Xie Family and had no one beside her. Li Mingrou, however, came over and said, “I never realized you were so skilled at playing hard to get.”

“Do you think this will make Brother Xie look at you more? Brother Xie’s heart has always belonged to me.”

Ji Hanyi said nothing. She could not even be bothered to engage with Li Mingrou now, infuriating her so badly that her expression twisted.

Elsewhere, Shen Si stood in a distant tower, looking down at Ji Hanyi as she walked at the rear of the group.

She wore a hibiscus-pink dress patterned with delicate floral medallions. Though petite, she drew the eye even from afar. Her skirts fluttered gracefully with every step, making her slender waist look small enough to encircle with one hand.

Her snow-white skin appeared even more luminous beneath the drifting flakes, setting off her red lips and pearly teeth. She looked reserved and simply adorned, with only the flash of a green hairpin amid her thick black hair.

Beside Shen Si stood Shen Changling, the Fourth Master of the Shen Family’s Second Branch. Following Shen Si’s gaze, he asked curiously, “Fifth Uncle, what are you looking at?”

Shen Si found him too talkative and had no intention of answering.

Shen Changling had always been rather afraid of his stern Fifth Uncle, so he dared not ask again. Still, he followed Shen Si’s line of sight until his gaze fell upon the woman passing below.

Her black hair gleamed like satin, and her skin was as white as snow. Though petite, her figure was shapely and perfectly proportioned. She lacked the sickly fragility currently fashionable among delicate beauties. Instead, she was full where she ought to be and slender where she ought to be.

Even her lowered eyes were exquisite. More captivating still was the contrast between her naturally seductive face and her modest, shy expression. She truly had no idea how alluring she was — a peerless beauty.

Unable to help himself, he murmured, “She really is the kind of ravishing beauty you read about in books…”

The moment he finished, he sensed a cold gaze on him. A chill ran down his back. When he turned, he found Fifth Uncle looking at him impassively, his eyes like blades of ice carried on a wintry wind. Shen Changling nearly jumped in fright.

By the time he recovered, only the retreating back of a white-robed figure remained. Left alone in the corridor, his heart was still pounding.

His mother had told him today that Her Majesty the Empress’s true purpose in holding this banquet was to find a wife for Fifth Uncle. She had also told Shen Changling to keep an eye out for any woman who caught his fancy. Yet he had only just noticed a rather promising one, and a single look from Fifth Uncle had made him feel as though he had no right even to look at her…