Chapter 10

Chapter 10

From the state Xie Yuheng was in, Ji Hanyi could tell he must have heard about his mother’s illness. He had not even taken the time to change before going to see her.

But had he come here now because he remembered what she had told him this morning?

With that thought, Ji Hanyi was about to dismiss the maids so they could discuss the divorce in private. Before she could speak, however, Xie Yuheng said coldly, “My mother is gravely ill, yet when I returned, Mingrou was the only one by her side caring for her. As the eldest daughter-in-law, is this how you attend to your mother-in-law?”

“Mingrou has always been frail. How could you bear to leave her there to care for Mother all by herself?”

Ji Hanyi paused, frowning at Xie Yuheng. “I haven’t neglected her. When I learned this morning that Mother was gravely ill, I–”

Xie Yuheng cut her off, raising his voice. When she looked up, she saw nothing but disappointment in his eyes. “Hanyi, the Xie Family has never wronged you.”

“And neither have I.”

“But you insist on making everyone feel as though they’ve wronged you. Is that the only thing that will satisfy you?”

Ji Hanyi stared at him in a daze. Her slender, pale fingers slipped from the low table to her lap, crumpling her cuff. A drop of ink fell onto the letter paper as she said, “I don’t understand what you mean.”

Xie Yuheng’s expression remained cold and distant, his disappointment unchanged. “You’re upset because I didn’t bring you back first that night, so you’ve been targeting Mingrou at every turn and sulking at me for the past two days.”

“If you’re dissatisfied with me, then tell me. Why must you cause trouble like this while my mother is ill?”

“Do you realize Mingrou has been the one caring for my mother this entire time?”

Ji Hanyi finally understood. Suppressing the ache that welled in her chest, she looked at Xie Yuheng. “You think I’m not by Mother’s side right now because I’m sulking at you?”

Xie Yuheng regarded her with disappointment. “You know perfectly well whether you are.”

“With a temperament like yours, how are you supposed to become mistress of this household in the future? How will you manage the inner household?”

“My official duties may keep me busy, but since you married into the family, has the Xie Family ever mistreated you in the slightest? Has my mother?”

“Hanyi, what you’re doing is unfilial and ungrateful.”

To the outside world, Xie Yuheng was aloof and upright. Everyone called him the moon in the heavens, noble and graceful, with all the luster of fine jade. Yet no one knew better than he did how to drive a needle straight into someone’s heart.

Ji Hanyi looked at the man before her. When he had agreed to their marriage without hesitation, he had once given her a fleeting sense of security and warmth.

In the early days of their marriage, he had shown her tenderness. For a brief time, they too had been a harmonious couple who treated each other with courtesy and respect.

How had their marriage deteriorated beyond recognition, one step at a time?

She did not know.

Perhaps it had happened through one misunderstanding after another, every one compounded by his partiality.

It was not Li Mingrou who had driven a wedge between them. From beginning to end, Xie Yuheng had only ever had eyes for her.

Bitterness was all Ji Hanyi felt. If that was the case, then divorce was for the best.

Perhaps she should never have taken their marriage contract to seek him out back then. Even six months after she had come of age, no one from the Xie Family had appeared. She should have seen the truth then, yet she had still clung to a shred of hope.

Arguments, resentment, and accusations had long since lost all meaning.

Ji Hanyi took a deep breath and dismissed the maids from the room, then sent Rongchun to fetch the Divorce Agreement she had written.

At last, she looked at Xie Yuheng. “Think whatever you like of me. As a daughter-in-law of the Xie Family, I have always fulfilled every duty expected of me.”

“No matter how you accuse me, my conscience is clear.”

Xie Yuheng closed his eyes for a moment. His brows drew together as he sighed. “Hanyi, you always say I never take your side, but how am I supposed to side with you when you behave like this?”

“Tomorrow, I’ll explain things to Mother on your behalf. You will go to her first thing in the morning and apologize as well. You’ve been far too willful this time, so I’ll dock your monthly allowance and have you copy Buddhist scriptures. Use the time to cultivate your character.”

With that, he turned to leave.

Ji Hanyi hurriedly called after him. “Wait. There’s something else I need to tell you.”

Xie Yuheng stopped and looked back at her, his eyes dark and inscrutable. “I know what you’re going to say.”

His expression grew complicated as he frowned and said quietly, “Hanyi, that matter is not up for discussion.”

“I won’t help you.”

Ji Hanyi never got the chance to say what she had intended. She stared blankly at the swaying curtain and his retreating figure as he left without looking back. Then she lowered her gaze to the rolled-up Divorce Agreement in her hand.
She gave a bitter smile. She understood now. It seemed he had learned about her cousin and assumed she would ask him to help.

Though she had long known he would refuse, hearing him say it himself still sent a faint stab through her heart.

The pink outer robe slipped from her shoulders, and her simply pinned-up hair spilled over one side. Her fair face was wan with illness and exhaustion, yet beneath the hazy light of the gauze lantern, she looked as gentle and ethereal as mist.

Rongchun hurried over and draped Ji Hanyi’s fallen robe back around her shoulders. Pained, she said, “Eldest Master only said those angry words because he misunderstood. Once Young Madam explains everything, it’ll be all right. Eldest Master will surely listen.”

Ji Hanyi propped her forehead on one hand and passed the Divorce Agreement to Rongchun to put away. Then she lowered her gaze to the tiny blot of ink on the pristine paper.

It was a scar that could never be erased. Things could never return to the way they had been.

It would never heal.

When Ji Hanyi rose early the next morning, she learned that Xie Yuheng still had not come by. He had merely sent servants to collect his clothes and take them to the study in the front courtyard.

Ji Hanyi understood. Xie Yuheng likely would not return to her courtyard for a long time again.

It did not bother her much, but Rongchun looked deeply worried. “Perhaps Young Madam should clear up the misunderstanding with Eldest Master as soon as possible.”

Ji Hanyi lowered her head and finished her medicine, then placed the empty bowl in Rongchun’s hands. In a soft voice, she said, “I’ve been thinking. Now that things have come to this, what difference would it make even if he listened to my explanation?”

“Even if he listens this time, will he listen the next time?”

Rongchun stared at Ji Hanyi in a daze, her own heart clenching painfully.

Tears welled in her eyes as she said hoarsely, “I heard Eldest Master has already found a suitable match for the young cousin. Her engagement will be settled at the beginning of next spring.”

“Once the young cousin is married and no longer here to sow discord between you, Eldest Master will surely recognize how good Young Madam has been to him.”

Ji Hanyi sighed without a word. She gazed at the dark shadows beneath the lantern outside the window, then braced herself on the armrest and stood.

Early that morning, Xie Yuheng went to pay his respects to his mother. Madam Lin was reclining against the headboard, and when she saw him enter, she sighed. “You should simply go report for duty. There’s no need to worry about me.”

Xie Yuheng walked over to her. He pursed his lips before saying quietly, “Hanyi failed to take proper care of you. I’ve already spoken to her, so please don’t blame her too harshly.”

Madam Lin looked up at Xie Yuheng and said helplessly, “Why would I blame her? She was actually quite attentive in caring for me.”

“She stayed by my side yesterday and personally attended to everything. I saw it all.”

“I fell asleep in the afternoon, and when I woke, the old maid at my side told me that Hanyi’s face had turned pale and she’d nearly fainted. If a servant hadn’t caught her, she would have collapsed.”

“Mingrou happened to come visit me, so Hanyi finally left.”

Madam Lin sighed. “Her cold hasn’t even passed, yet she still came to care for me. It must have been hard on her.”

Then she asked Xie Yuheng, “Have you gone to see her? Is she any better?”

“I heard from the steward that the physician said she was quite seriously ill. She’s been coughing for days.”

Xie Yuheng paused.

When he returned last night, he had only seen Mingrou caring for his mother. His mother had still been asleep then, and Mingrou had not mentioned that Ji Hanyi had been there earlier, so he assumed Ji Hanyi had never come.

Then he recalled Ji Hanyi’s pallid face when he returned to the courtyard the previous night, and his heart gave a faint hitch.

She had been ill for days, yet he had not spoken a single word of concern to her.

His mother’s soft voice sounded beside him once more. “No matter what, I admit I wasn’t particularly pleased to have her marry you, and I also know you don’t like her.”

“But back then, you were the one who said she had come with the marriage contract in hand and that, both morally and reasonably, you ought to marry her.”

“And over the past three years, she has done well enough. She has been attentive in every respect and always conducted herself impeccably in public.”

“Her family may have fallen on hard times, and the Xie Family can’t expect her to offer any help to your official career, but since you’ve already married her, what’s done is done.”

“If nothing else, it would be best for her to bear your eldest son soon.”

“If you truly still don’t like her in the future and wish to take a concubine, I won’t object.”

“But according to propriety, only when the lawful wife bears the eldest son can the family remain harmonious without harming your reputation.”

Xie Yuheng parted his lips. After a long silence, he said, “I will keep the promise I made back then. I will not take a concubine.”