Chapter 31

Chapter 31

I smiled, rose onto my toes, and whispered in his ear, “Then let Naihe and Youchun leave. Let the imperial guards loyal to me go with them.”

My voice held the soft sweetness of a Southern Xu woman, a sound he had loved many years before. In that voice, I told him, “Your son Donglin is in my hands. If you refuse, I will never tell you where he is being held. He will die more horribly than anyone you have ever known.”

Yes. To preserve her own life, Yu Ning had given me more than the token of love between her and Yu Qing. She had also given me her son, Donglin.

The Great Qin prison was heaped with straw crawling with rats and bedbugs. There were no windows. Only a crack in the wall admitted the faintest light and the chirping of crickets. Half asleep, I would remember our flight in my youth, when Northern Qian soldiers were often only one wall away. I would hold Xia Wan tightly and say in my heart, If we die, we will die together. So do not be afraid.

But whenever I truly woke, I discovered I was utterly alone.

Before dawn that day, Chen Dong finally agreed. He allowed the commander of the imperial guard to take Naihe and Youchun out of the palace. I sat on the ground, my mind lost in fog. I remembered only Youchun clutching my hand before she left and repeating, “It will be all right, Princess. The young master will bring people to save you.” I tore my hand from hers and said nothing. Naihe finally struggled to his feet. His gaze was unfocused. Perhaps to remain conscious, he had bitten his knuckles until blood covered them.

He lowered his head, painstakingly tore a strip from his robe, bent down, and wrapped it around my feet.

Only then did I realize I had run out barefoot. The running and confrontation had left my soles bloody.

He raised his face to me. His eyes remained as clear and pure as ever. His cracked lips moved, but before I could understand his words, the imperial guards took him away.

Then I was in prison.

Danchi’s death shattered Great Qin’s delicate balance. Chen Dong did not yet possess the strength to suppress the eighteen tribes of Northern Qian, all watching him like circling predators. Countless other factions had long coveted the battered dynasty. For a time, no one had attention to spare for me. My only constant companion in that cell was one daily meal of sour, spoiled buns. At first, I counted them to measure the days. Eventually, I lost track.

Just when I thought I would grow old in prison, someone came to see me. After so long without light, I flinched from it. Only when she approached, long skirts trailing behind her, did I recognize Yu Ning.

She wore the empress’s crown, her beauty more exquisite than ever. Bending slightly, she called to me with a trace of pity. “Your Majesty, you have suffered these days.”

I looked up at her.

Oh. Chen Dong must finally have quelled the rebellion – or at least quieted it for the moment – and successfully taken the throne. His wife had come to flaunt her life before me.

“I still remember the first time I saw Your Majesty. You sat in the great hall, so beautiful and noble. And now look at you…” A subtle curve touched her lips, part mockery and part compassion. “Who can ever predict what the world will bring?”

I remained silent. Her smile deepened. “Surely Your Majesty is not still hoping someone will save you? The southern ministers all fled Nancheng the night the late emperor died. Now some are dead and the rest scattered. The remnant court in the west has already submitted to His Majesty. They say Princess Xihe died long ago and anyone claiming to be her is an impostor.”

She lowered her head and whispered, “These are the people you risked everything to protect.”

I looked at her and smiled without speaking. In an instant, she seemed enraged. She narrowed her eyes and smiled through clenched teeth. “That look again. Always above everyone. I know you despise me. You despise the people of Northern Qian. But what of you? How noble are you?”

Her beautiful face twisted with madness. “Did you think I did not know? Ha! Everyone in the palace knows! The mighty empress is nothing but a whore used and discarded by the son, then passed on to his father!”

I frowned and spoke my first words of the day, my voice hoarse. “I never despised you.”

She froze.

“I despise many northerners, but you were never among them. I knew long ago that you were a princess of the Humie tribe. Northern Qian swallowed your people, and you were offered to the victors as a spoil of war. From then on, you passed through the hands of one Northern Qian warrior after another until you married Chen Dong. That is why you are cautious far beyond necessity. You must use every means available to survive the next war. There is something remarkable in that.”
I coughed several times and smiled weakly at her. “Just as now, you do not need to convince yourself I deserve to die. Even if you kill me only to preserve yourself, I will not blame you. No one understands better than I what it means to do anything necessary to survive.”

All strength seemed to leave her. Her head drooped.

After a long silence, she whispered, “Your Majesty…”

For one instant, she became again the fragile, gentle young woman I remembered.

“I am afraid. He cares for you so much. I fear he will come to see you and learn what happened between Yu Qing and me. He has already killed Yu Qing. He killed his own uncle. He will never spare me…”

She took a tiny bottle from her sleeve and held it out with a trembling hand. “Your Majesty, before coming here, I made inquiries. Everyone has abandoned you. No one will come to save you. The Northern Qian royal house will never let you leave. How long can you remain here? Ten years? Twenty? It is too cruel. You will wither and grow old in this place until you become a monster. I do not want to see you like that. Please take this. You will remain young and beautiful forever, and I… I will be able to rest.”

Her beauty had always contained a girl’s innocence. The innocent cruelty of it made me laugh. My laughter turned to coughing, and then I reached out and accepted the little bottle.

Beauty required time and care to preserve. After only days in prison, the skin on the back of my hands had dried and split, to say nothing of my face. Even if Chen Dong one day remembered what we once shared and came to see me, my appearance would probably frighten him away.

I said slowly, “I will do better than that. I will wait a long time after you leave before taking it. Chen Dong will never suspect you in the slightest.”

She made almost no attempt to hide her wild joy. “Thank you, Your Majesty! Thank you!”

“But…” I continued with effort. “There is a price. Tell me what happened to Naihe.”

“The monk?”

“Yes.”

She thought for a moment. “I remember that the moment you revealed Donglin’s location that night, Chen Dong sent men after them. I heard they failed to catch him. By now, he is probably living somewhere among the common people under another name.”

“Good.”

I felt as though I had released the last foul breath tying me to the mortal world. I said no more and leaned against the wall.

Yu Ning’s pity became genuine. “You love him?”

I wanted to shake my head. In the end, I smiled at myself. “Yes.”

With death approaching, the only person left for me to miss was him.

Yu Ning departed in relief.

I leaned against the wall and slowly poured the poison onto the floor.

What difference could it make to continue living in prison?

Xihe must live.

I did not seek death, and no one came to trouble me again. Everyone forgot me.

The nearest occupied cell was several miles away. Only the most vicious condemned prisoners were held there. Very occasionally, faint cries reached me, but from such a distance that I could not distinguish them. Whoever delivered my food opened a mechanism and placed the tray upon it. After I ate, I returned the tray the same way. I never saw another living person.

At last, I understood that Chen Dong had planned it deliberately.

He wanted me dead, but a single stroke of the sword would have been too easy. He wanted day after day of solitude to drive me mad until I died of my own torment. Seen that way, Yu Ning’s poison might indeed have been a kind of release.

But I could not accept it.

I could find no way out. The prolonged silence had already begun to produce hallucinations and confuse my memories. I had to slow my descent into complete madness. I sang songs and used stones to carve my story into the walls. The rock was hard, and even with all my strength I could leave only shallow marks.

Fortunately, time was the one thing I possessed in abundance.