Chapter 15
Chapter 15
I wanted to laugh, but I could not move.
Of course. What had he done wrong? One could not demand that a wolf cease hunting or that a bonfire refuse to burn. Exterminating a defeated royal line was only natural.
And yet…
He sensed something wrong in me and tried to soften his expression. “Do your injuries hurt? They knew their limits. They won’t even leave scars.”
His brow furrowed again. “You brought it on yourself by refusing to obey. These past two days, I…”
He stopped and held me tighter. Before long, his breathing changed. In the dim candlelight, everything felt like a dream. He kissed me roughly and carried me to the bed. I kept my eyes open, staring through him.
“Nothing can separate us now,” he murmured. “There was so much I needed to do, but once I thought of this, I could do nothing else.”
Only then did I realize he was happy, with the suppressed, childish happiness of someone finally given what he wanted.
“Say it for me. Say you are mine.”
When he kissed me again, I could endure no more. I vomited violently. I had eaten nothing for days; only black clots of blood came up.
Chen Dong caught me in alarm. “What is wrong?”
I smiled and wiped the blood from my mouth. I no longer wanted to endure.
“Do not touch me. You disgust me.”
He stared as though he had never seen me before. He had not. The gentle, obedient porcelain merchant’s daughter Zhou Xiaoxi had never existed.
“Why won’t you ask who I am?” I smiled like a blood-soaked ghost.
“Be quiet!” His face changed.
Seeing it filled me with savage pleasure.
“My name is Xihe. The ancient texts say Emperor Yao charged Xihe with governing the four seasons of heaven and earth. My grandfather, Emperor Xiaozhang Chengren, named me for that ancient deity to declare that the Grand Princess stood equal in honor to the crown prince. My father, Emperor Ninglie, pacified three provinces and cleared the Five Ranges. He died in battle after slaying a million northern dogs. My brother, Emperor Dunren Jingyu, refused surrender and gave his life for his country. Do you understand? That is my family. That is the blood from which I come!”
Guards had gathered outside. I feared nothing now. I stood like living flame.
“You once asked whether I would marry you if Southern Xu had not fallen. Now I will answer. No.” I looked at Chen Dong and spoke each word clearly. “How could beasts be worthy of heaven’s blood?”
He drew his sword and pressed its point to my chest.
“Kill me!” I laughed at last. “Otherwise, I will repay every pain you have inflicted upon me tenfold.”
The blade remained there so long that cold seemed to seep into my heart.
“I do not understand,” he said at last.
Northern Qian’s soldiers watched like tigers. He looked at me once more, then threw his sword to the floor.
“Take her away.”
A river ran through Nancheng. In winter, it froze beneath a thick sheet of ice. Northern Qian’s soldiers broke holes through it, drove in iron stakes, and made a crude prison.
They dragged me into the river and bound me beneath layers of chain in the freezing water. I could touch neither bottom nor bank. I rose and sank, just as I had all my life.
Blue-white corpses floated around me, most from Southern Xu, some from Northern Qian. Soldiers stood above, shouting abuse. Surrounded by them, Chen Dong watched me. The winter night reflected in his eyes like cold stars.
Then he turned and strode away.
No one could survive water that cold. Numbness swiftly spread through my limbs. However fiercely I struggled, I could feel my body dying by degrees.
Don’t be afraid, Xia Wan. Aunt Xihe is coming to join you.
I had thought I would not fear death. But as the moment stretched without end – as freezing pain woke me again and again from numbness, as each time I believed myself dead only to open my eyes once more – I suddenly regretted it.
I should have died long ago, but not silently in this frozen river. I should at least have killed several northerners as an offering to my fallen dynasty.
What had become of the bandits who shouted that Southern Xu would live while its people lived? Was Helan Zhiyan, weak as a skeleton, still alive? What of He Sulong, who had entered the monastery and only days ago forced down blood and flesh by the mouthful? What would they do? What would become of Southern Xu’s people? Would they survive Northern Qian’s tyranny? Would any glimmer of light remain in their hearts?
If only I could have one more chance, I thought.
Then I slowly sank, and the world went dark.
Warm lips pressed to mine and gave me a breath. A muffled thunder rolled through the water as someone struck my iron shackles.
I opened my eyes. In the black depths, white fish swam toward me one after another, dreamlike and unreal.
Something loosened at my feet. The chain holding me released.
Was this a dream? Had my ancestors sent water spirits to save me?
Soft arms caught me and slowly carried me from the river.
Harsh sunlight burned against my eyelids. I smelled food. When I forced my eyes open, a tabby cat lay asleep beside my pillow. Seeing me wake, it stretched out a little tongue and yawned lazily.
“You’re finally awake!”
A woman in coarse cloth sat beside the bed with a bowl of porridge, watching me anxiously. “Hungry? Want something to eat?”
I stared in confusion. Her face was dark, tapering to a pointed chin, and a dimple appeared beside her lips when she smiled. She looked both familiar and strange.
We seemed to be in a small farmhouse. Dogs barked and chickens clucked nearby. Someone had changed my clothes, dressing me in a clean flowered jacket.
She studied me too. At last she sighed with envy. “You’re truly beautiful, all that pale skin. No wonder Northern Qian’s men like you. If I were a man, I’d like you too.”
She cooled the hot porridge and fed me spoon by spoon. Peanut and glutinous rice warmed me until I finally found the strength to speak.
“Did you save me?”
“We saved you!”
“Who are you?”
“I’m Dengxin’er. I used to farm, until Northern Qian’s soldiers captured me to serve them.” She curled her lip. “Those beasts act as if no woman has existed for eight lifetimes.”
I stared blankly. She wiped my mouth, her gaze softening. “I owe you thanks. If you hadn’t stepped forward that day, the northern dog emperor would have killed me.”
When I still failed to understand, she added, “The day they tried to make that bald old monk drink blood. I was the third girl. I nearly died of fright!”
I remembered the dancer trembling beneath heavy paint and slowly understood. Dengxin’er kept talking. “Last night was terrifying. I didn’t dare at first, but then Youchun said you were a princess and we had to save you. So everyone who could swim went down…”
The blankets were too warm, and the cat’s purring made me drowsier still. Before she finished, I drifted back to sleep.