Chapter 6

Chapter 6

After we had walked for I knew not how many days and nights, Xia Wan lifted a hand and pointed ahead. “Aunt Xihe, are we almost there?”

I raised my head. The setting sun bled across the sky, edging the dark mountains nearby in gold. Tears spilled from my eyes. Linnan was a land of mountains. We truly were close.

Months of exhaustion and anguish overwhelmed me all at once, and I sank to my knees. Once, I had never walked more than a single li. Now I had crossed mountain after mountain and worn through several pairs of shoes. Once, I would refuse meat if the charcoal fire beneath it was not right. Now searching corpses for dry rations had become commonplace. Once, the sight of an insect was enough to frighten me to tears. Now I could calmly chew dry food at night with wolves trailing behind us.

It turned out that when no one treated me as a princess, I was no more than a clod of mud in the dust. However the world kneaded and crushed me, I still had to cling to life.

That night, we rested in a cave. It was deep winter. I lit a fire against the cold and held Xia Wan in my arms. Just as we were drifting to sleep, we heard broken sobs in the distance. I rose to investigate and found a woman half-submerged in a marsh, wailing hysterically.

“Brother, please! You’re a good man. Save me! Please, save me!” Trembling, she reached toward me.

I extended a branch. She dragged herself out, shaking all over and reeking of rot, like a demon crawling up from hell.

“Brother… brother… can you spare me something to eat? I haven’t eaten in three days.”

I hesitated. Beside me, Xia Wan said softly, “Aunt Xihe, we shouldn’t invite trouble.”

All along the road, we had disguised ourselves as leprous beggars. I had pasted on a beard and padded my belly, and Xia Wan and I posed as father and son. To avoid discovery, we traveled alone whenever possible.

“I’m from Southern Xu…” the woman wailed. “Our country is gone. My whole family was killed. I’m going to Linnan to find my son. Please, I can’t die…”

I froze.

People of Southern Xu? There were no people of Southern Xu anymore.

There were only people who had lost their homes because their royal family had failed them.

We brought her back to the cave, warmed our last piece of dry food over the fire, and gave her half.

She was in her fifties. As she ate, her eyes rolled back in her head and tears streamed down her face. “Brother, you saved my life! What’s your name? Once we reach Linnan, I swear I’ll repay you properly.”

I shook my head, afraid my voice would betray me, and remained silent. Xia Wan answered for me. “There is no need. We aren’t going to Linnan. Tomorrow, we’ll each go our own way.”

After thanking us over and over, the woman curled up to sleep. She whimpered through her dreams, sobbing like a wounded animal.

Those who survived the massacre all seemed plagued by nightmares. Many, many years later, I would still wake from sleep in tears.

By the time we woke, morning had come and the woman was already gone. Fewer than ten li remained. I mended Xia Wan’s little shoes, then set off in high spirits.

And then, on the official road, we found a band of Northern Qian soldiers waiting with the woman.

“My lords! That’s a white-footed lamb – a young woman! I checked while she slept. No Adam’s apple, and her skin is pale! The other one isn’t sick either. He’s a tender little brat. How much will you give me for them?”

Several soldiers forced me to the ground. They scrubbed my face roughly with a rag, then pulled down my trousers. Through tear-blurred eyes, I watched the woman count her coins with a fawning smile.

“A bodhisattva face too – a pretty one. Be a waste to use her here. Come on, take her back!” they cried gleefully.

“Why does the boy look like northern stock?”

“Take them both!”

They shoved me into the northern army camp. The last time Xia Wan and I met each other’s eyes, I saw him cry for the first time. That child, always so quiet, screamed and fought to reach me until a soldier struck him hard across the face.

My lips moved soundlessly. I’m sorry… Xia Wan, live. Do anything you must, but live…

Before everyone in the camp, several Northern Qian women stripped me and emptied bucket after bucket of water over my head. A crowd inspected and discussed me like livestock. They gave me a thin outer robe, probably stripped from some dead girl. It still smelled of blood.

Then they pushed me into a tent. From far outside, I could hear the shrill screams of young women within. Northern Qian had no notion of privacy. I saw another kind of hell on earth.

“Another bodhisattva face!” A burly, bearded man laughed loudly and yanked me into his arms. “Come help your lord let off some steam. Don’t be as fragile as the last one – she died before I’d had any fun.”

Everyone roared with laughter.

I tilted my face up and smiled. “Be gentle, my lord. I’ve never been married.”

“How do you speak our language?” Surprised, he pinched my face and examined me. “And you’re not afraid of me?”

During the two years I had helped my brother with affairs of state, I had learned the language of Northern Qian.

“My father traded with Northern Qian in years past, so I learned some of the language too. I came to Linnan to find him. My lord, once you’ve had your pleasure, will you let me go?”

“Sure. Once I’m done, I’ll take you to look for him.”

He spoke carelessly as he loosened his trousers. When my expression stiffened, he added by way of explanation, “Oh, He Sulong surrendered two days ago. Linnan belongs to us now.”
He Sulong had surrendered.

A roar filled my skull. I could hear nothing. Numbly, I felt the man’s foul mouth rooting over my body. Amid the screams rising and falling around me, I slowly closed my eyes. A single tear slid from the corner of one eye.

Xihe, live.

But Grandfather, what meaning was there in living? The human world was merely another hell.

The tent flap suddenly flew open. I opened my eyes to see a young general stride in, his face hard with frost. Everyone stopped. The bearded man on top of me scrambled upright and stammered, “General…”

The general glanced at him and brought down his blade.

I had never seen a sword move so quickly. The bearded man made no sound. He toppled across me, dead with his eyes still wide.

The tent fell deathly silent. Even the girls stopped screaming.

“Linbei is a center of porcelain production. I gave orders that the kilns were to be preserved. What is this? Have you all grown tired of living?”

His icy gaze swept across every person in the tent. Like animals beneath the eyes of the pack leader, they trembled and lowered their heads.

“I told you occupation was only the first step. We mean to live well on this land, as the people of Southern Xu did. You may be too stupid to understand my words, but I thought you at least feared death.”

He sheathed his bloodied sword and turned to leave, but I stopped him.

I clung desperately to his leg and cried in the northern tongue, “General… I’m the daughter of the Zhou kiln family from the capital! I know how to make porcelain! I can make porcelain!”

He looked down at me and took his hand from his sword hilt.

“How many stages are there in making porcelain?”

“Seventy-two in all, my lord.”

“How many famous kiln traditions exist today? What is celadon, and what is white ware?”

“The renowned kilns of the realm may be broadly divided into five great kilns and eight major traditions. My Zhou family produces sky blue, pale yellow, moon white, egg white, and many other colors. Our master takes greatest pride in a glaze the blue of the sky after rain. The Wen kilns are famed for white porcelain, but also fire black, brown, and green glazes. The Ting kilns claim ten thousand colors from a single firing, including rose purple, begonia red, sky blue, and moon white. Rose purple is the most sought after, praised by poets as ‘splendid as sunset clouds spanning the heavens, where all sound dies in flame.'”

In the commander’s tent, the young general sat in the place of honor and stared at me. I had already guessed who he was: the vanguard commander of this southern campaign, eldest son of Danchi, King of Northern Qian – Chen Dong.

“You’ve read many books?” he asked.

“A fair number.”

He rose and studied me from so close I could smell iron and blood on him.

“There are no flaws in your story. Yet for some reason, you feel…” His eyes were the brown of a wild beast. “Wrong. We northerners trust our instincts when we hunt. You’re trembling, but you don’t feel like a rabbit.”

I was trembling. Fine sweat slid down my neck. Behind me, a soldier eased his sword from its sheath. The keen scrape nearly made my legs collapse.

“They say there was a child with you. What is he to you?”

“He is my…”

No. Rumors had spread among the people that Xia Wan and I were still alive. Northern Qian’s soldiers could not be ignorant of them.

“My younger brother,” I whispered.

Chen Dong ordered a subordinate, “Bring her brother here.”

My heart clenched. Xia Wan and I had had no chance to agree on a story. If Chen Dong asked even one question – What is your father’s surname? – we were finished.

Cold sweat crawled down my skin. I could already imagine the bloodshed to come. Perhaps I should tell them the truth of Xia Wan’s birth…

They brought Xia Wan inside. He looked at us with innocent confusion. Trembling, I said, “Little Xia, don’t be afraid. Answer the lord’s questions truthfully!”

The soldier behind me slammed the hilt of his sword into my back. “Shut up!”

Chen Dong tilted his head and studied the boy. “What is she to you?”

Don’t say aunt. Please, anything but aunt.

“She’s my elder sister…” Xia Wan raised his head, his voice already breaking with tears. “Why… why did you capture her?”

“What are you crying for?” Chen Dong snapped impatiently.

Xia Wan swallowed his sobs and stared at him timidly through wet eyes.

“Why did you come to Linnan?”

“Everyone in our family died. We walked through lots of places, but we couldn’t find Father anywhere…”

“What does your father do?”

My heart seized.

Xia Wan stared blankly. “Father is Father.”

Chen Dong put a hand around Xia Wan’s neck. “I will ask you once more. What does your father do?”

I dropped to my knees. “My lord, I warned Little Xia never to reveal our family business. Little Xia… tell the lord, we are – ”

“My family makes porcelain! Let go of me, I’m scared! Waaah!” Xia Wan burst into loud sobs.

Chen Dong released him. At that moment, a young soldier lifted the tent flap and reported, “General, the king’s envoy has arrived.”

“I’ll come at once.”

Before leaving, Chen Dong glanced at me and gave his orders. “Send the boy to assist Old Ge. Keep the woman here for now.”

“Yes, General!”

An adjutant dragged Xia Wan away before he could say a word to me. Once I was alone in the tent, my strength finally gave out and I collapsed to the ground.