Chapter 10

Chapter 10

I had met him as a child. Grandfather had personally named him top scholar in the imperial examinations. At a palace banquet, everyone else grew pleasantly drunk and joined my brother’s revelry. Helan Zhiyan, the youngest among them, alone remained seated with his spine straight. I tugged his robe and asked why he would not play. Even speaking to a child, he answered gravely, “A gentleman cultivates his character and virtue. He must not behave improperly before the throne.” I nodded without quite understanding, then said, “Give me your cup, then. I like the sound they make when they break.”

Such had been the absurd dream of my pampered youth.

The soldiers understood no southern speech. “He’s lost his mind completely,” one muttered. The physician whispered beside me, “Don’t be afraid. It may be delirium before death.”

Afraid? How could I be? Lord Helan, I was the one who should bow to you. On behalf of every ancestor of mine, I should thank you for guarding the last shred of honor of a dynasty already utterly defeated.

But I could say nothing. I only held out the medicine. “My lord is confused. Drink.”

At last, he understood. His lips trembled. Feigning madness, he asked urgently, “Young lady, you are from the capital. There was once a family there… which raised a fine orchid. Later, it was presented to a noble person. Does it still bloom today?”

Tears filled my eyes. “My lord is confused. It is deep winter. The orchid withered long ago.”

He stared. “Then… it no longer blooms? It will never bloom again?”

“The seeds remain. When spring returns, the flowers will bloom again.”

Light flared in his dull eyes. His lips moved with a thousand questions he could not voice. Instead, he gulped down the medicine, afraid that if he delayed, life might leave him.

Some prisoners were evidently his former men and understood. They waved frantically to the physician. “Do you have more medicine?” “Physician, save me!”

The old man rushed about in confusion. Amid the chaos, I bowed to Helan Zhiyan. “My lord, take care.”

He returned the bow, then broke into wild laughter. Zheng Long stared at us. “Pretty boy, why have you gone mad? Weren’t you determined to die for the country yesterday? Changed your mind?”

Helan Zhiyan truly laughed. Pointing at him, tears streaming down his face, he cried, “I won’t die! This worthless life of mine will hold on until I see flowers fill the city!”

The northern guards shouted, unable to understand. In the uproar, I left with the physician. Outside, he stammered as though wishing to ask something, but no words came.

“I began learning the sword at five. I cannot defeat Northern Qian’s soldiers, but I could kill you. By rights, perhaps I should.”

I looked up at the richly painted sunset. The physician began to shake.

“But I will not. Southern Xu’s court failed to protect its displaced people. I will not compound that wrong by leaving your daughter without a father. Do not speculate about what happened today. Treat them well and behave as usual before the northerners. Can you do that?”

“I won’t speculate,” he said fervently. “You may rest assured. I am a man of Southern Xu. I will protect Southern Xu’s warriors!”

After he left, I looked back from the entrance. Orange sunset slowly sank into sapphire night. At the far end of the camp stood the gelu’s tent. Xia Wan watched me from there, the setting sun gilding his small figure.

He was only six.

Yet he was everyone’s hope.

Hope was more powerful than anything else in the world.

After that, I visited Xia Wan every day. One evening, I returned to find Chen Dong seated in the tent reading. Without looking up, he asked, “Why so late?”

“The weather has turned cold. I took smokeless charcoal to my brother and Old Ge.”

I put away the cloth bundle and went to pour his tea.

He casually turned a page. “You seem very fond of visiting the gelu lately.”
My hand paused. “General, my brother is only six.”

He looked up. “Why are you nervous?”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

He rose and stared directly at me. “What is it? Thorn-poison grass?”

Heat from the coals warped the air between us. I met his gaze and clenched my fists. “I don’t understand what the general means.”

“The guards tell me you visited the prison.”

“I did. The physician had prepared medicine, and I helped carry it over.”

“Has everyone in this army died, that my woman must deliver medicine?”

He seized my hand. In the candlelight, its skin was covered in tiny bloody cuts.

“The gelu uses poison to send off the dead. Since visiting the prison, you’ve gone to the gelu every day and gathered herbs in the hills with your brother. What is this? Did Lord Helan order you to poison me?”

I stared at him in disbelief. Only the crackle of coals broke the silence.

“You said you were delivering charcoal. What did you bring back?” He tore the cloth pouch from my waist. It was heavy. “What could the commander’s tent possibly lack that you need to fetch from the gelu?”

“If I…” My voice shook. “If I have ever harbored the slightest thought of harming the general, may five horses tear me apart. May my body lie unburied in the wilderness, and my soul fall into the Avici Hell, never to know peace.”

He opened the pouch.

Inside lay wild chrysanthemums, not yet dried.

“I escorted the physician because I wanted to ask whether anything might help you sleep. He said a pillow stuffed with wild chrysanthemums could ease sleeplessness. I went into the hills to gather some, but the weather is too cold. I found very few…” I looked at him through tears. “You still won’t believe me, will you?”

I pulled loose my sash and stripped away my clothes one garment at a time. “You can see every corner of the tent, and I’m sure you’ve already searched it. This is all I have on my body. Look. Where could I hide poison?”

His gaze fell on my bare shoulder, still marked by the teeth he had sunk into me while delirious. He looked away, his voice still severe. “Put your clothes on.”

The air was bitterly cold. My lips quickly turned dark as sandalwood. “If you suspect me, General, why not kill me? Why keep me beside you? Why treat me so well? I already think of you… as my husband. You must find that laughable.”

His back remained turned. He said nothing.

A soldier called from outside, “General…”

“Get out!” Chen Dong roared. He spun, wrapped his cloak around me, and drew me into his arms. I sobbed against him.

The soldier fled in panic.

Chen Dong held me as though searching for words. At last, he said, “I don’t know how to comfort women.”

“I do suspect you. You are unlike other women. We have taken ladies from great houses before, but none like you.” His arms tightened. “I have never been infatuated with a woman.”

I looked up through my tears. He said no more. “I have to inspect the camp. Go to sleep.”

“Don’t go!” I caught his waist. The cloak slipped from my shoulders.

Half-understood memories of the pretty women who had once coaxed favors from my brother rose in hazy, vivid fragments. I wanted to say something alluring, but under Chen Dong’s cold gaze, no words came. All I could do was repeat through my trembling, “I love the general. I have always, always loved you.”

He watched me, then pried my hands loose and stood.

Despair seized me. I did not know what else to do – until he began removing his armor before me.

I stared. His body was lean and powerful. The armor fell to the ground, and he bent to kiss me roughly.

I instinctively began to struggle. Then Xia Wan’s warning from the hills rang through my mind.

Tonight, whatever happens, do not let Chen Dong inspect the camp.