Chapter 105
Chapter 105
[Li Erfeng Becomes Wanyan Gou – 25]
The remonstrating officials had lost half their lives beneath the court canes. Lying in the hall barely breathing, they heard His Majesty assign them this impossible mission entirely on his own authority. Their throats filled with sweetness, and they nearly spat blood on the spot.
Your Majesty, you invented some nonsense about a comet in the southeast and now want the Jin to cede all territory south of their Supreme Capital. Did Fish Leong give you that courage?
The Jin had indeed lost several battles against Song, admitted defeat, and paid reparations. But both sides had spent over a year recovering and were now itching for action. If they marched up and demanded Jin territory, would the Jin hand it over?
The Jurchens would probably cut down these Song windbags and sacrifice them to the battle standard!
The officials stared, dumbfounded. Before they could speak, Li Shimin waved. “Enough. Take them away, make them presentable, and send them north immediately.”
Imperial Guards entered and carried them out. The men shouted and begged without cease, adamantly refusing to go die in Jin.
Li Shimin sighed and encouraged them earnestly. “Do your utmost, beloved ministers. If you persuade Jin to cede the land south of the Supreme Capital, I will hold a victory banquet for you in Dongjing (Kaifeng). If the savage Jin reject the Heavenly Dynasty’s instruction and take your lives, I will immediately march north and avenge you!”
The officials: “…????”
Your Majesty, was that something a human being would do?!
Li Shimin thought, then added, “Men of your noble character would surely disdain treason and defection to Jin. Even for the sake of your families remaining in Dongjing, you would never do that. Correct?”
The officials: “…”
This father had an MMP he absolutely had to say!
Li Shimin smiled as the Imperial Guards carried them away. Only after their cries faded did he turn sincerely to the assembled civil and military officials. “Does anyone else object to my treatment of Wang Bian and his family? Speak freely. I am broad-minded and always delighted to accept remonstrance.”
The court: “…”
Li Gang’s mouth twitched. He murmured to Zhu Shengfei, “His Majesty’s heart is filthy enough.”
Zhu Shengfei held his court tablet and replied serenely, “Oh, all emperors are like that.”
Thus, the affair of Wang Bian and his family was turned over.
The few remaining pedants dared not defend the Prince Consort. After a while, when His Majesty seemed calmer, one cautiously said, “The Prince Consort erred and deserved punishment. This minister has no objection. But Your Majesty permitting Princess Huifu to become a Taoist priestess establishes a pernicious precedent. This minister must remonstrate.”
Li Shimin: “…”
Li Shimin was exhausted. He complained to his old companions, “Why are officials of the Great Cowardly Song all like this? Couldn’t they use the energy they spend arguing to accomplish something? They impeach this man and denounce that one all day. If they have so much leisure, why not collect rubbish or plant trees?”
Emperor Gaozu sneered. “Isn’t this the legendary joint rule of the realm with scholar-officials? Everyone says the Song was wonderful. Wonderful for whom? Civil officials lived comfortably. But only civil officials.”
“Brother Yuanda speaks truly.” Liu Che had produced a folding fan from somewhere and waved it. “In the Underworld, I once waited beside the Well of Reincarnation. Plenty wanted to be reborn in Song, especially men. Ho! They sincerely believed they would distinguish themselves there. What’s that saying? So ordinary, yet so confident!”
Zhu Yuanzhang curled his lip. “Only scholar-officials lived comfortably. Who knows whether even a village chief was buried atop their ancestral graves? What are they dreaming of in broad daylight?”
Li Shimin had too many retorts to choose one. The twelve strands of beads hanging from the Son of Heaven’s crown obscured his vision. Striving for calm, he asked, “A pernicious precedent? I merely allowed my sister to become a Taoist priestess. What is pernicious about that?”
“Beneath heaven, men have always plowed and women woven, yin and yang joining in harmony. Otherwise, how can the population grow? Whence will soldiers, taxes, and corvée labor come?”
The official droned, “Since Great Song’s founding, no imperial princess has entered religious life. Princess Huifu establishes this harmful custom today. Superiors set examples that inferiors follow. Continue this, and the state will cease to be a state. The realm is imperiled!”
Li Shimin: “…”
His sister became a priestess today, and the realm would collapse tomorrow. Did she know she possessed such power?
Li Shimin was not bloodthirsty. Blood had already been spilled during the caning, so he preferred reason now. “Under our law, an unmarried woman past marriageable age pays a government tax. An imperial princess is no exception and will pay every coin. What objection remains?”
The official looked sorrowful and knelt. “Your Majesty, reconsider! A princess of the Imperial House cannot be compared with a common woman. If those below imitate her, the realm is endangered. Supported by all beneath heaven, she must serve as a model for women. Today a princess enters religious life; tomorrow officials’ daughters follow. If the practice spreads among the people, it will destroy Great Song’s foundation!”
Li Shimin laughed and leaned back on the throne, arms folded.
The officials saw from the corners of their eyes and knew His Majesty was preparing a devastating move. They lowered their heads, silent as cicadas in winter, afraid blood might splash onto them.
Li Shimin asked, “A common woman may enter religious life, but a princess is unworthy of doing so. Correct?”
The official changed color. “That was not this minister’s meaning.”
“If a princess enters religious life and the custom spreads, the realm is endangered. Correct?”
The official answered cautiously, “Correct.”
Li Shimin said, “Then why not draft a memorial banning Buddhists, Taoists, and every heterodox school from this day forward? Demolish all temples and monasteries. Once men and women reach adulthood, the government will pair them in marriage. If either spouse dies, the survivor must remarry within three days, on pain of death. The population will soar! Reaching twenty million households within three years should pose no problem!”
How could the official agree?
Buddhism and Taoism had developed for years and possessed countless adherents, from the empress dowagers and Consorts Dowager in the palace to commoners. Who could offend them all?
Forcibly marrying every adult would cause chaos!
And requiring a bereaved spouse to remarry within three days violated ritual teaching. If he endorsed it, he would immediately become scum among scholars and a disgrace to upright officials!
His face reddened. After stammering, he managed, “Your Majesty’s proposal would go too far in correcting the problem.”
“But I’m not wrong. You are devoted to increasing the population. Your foresight even revealed that one princess entering religious life would destroy Great Song’s foundation. Now I offer a way to increase the population, and you refuse?”
Li Shimin sneered. “If that method is too radical, I have another.”
Without waiting, he asked, “Have you taken concubines?”
The official stiffened. “Several…”
Reproach entered Li Shimin’s eyes. “You’re one man, and not young. Can you still father children? Why keep so many women? Give each a dowry and marry them to young men so they can bear children and contribute to Great Song!”
The official: “…”
“Does your son have concubines?”
His voice went rigid. “He does.”
“Outrageous!” Li Shimin thundered. “He is one man. Why does he need concubines? Isn’t one proper wife enough? Does he intend to contribute to population growth or not?!”
Some officials could not suppress their laughter.
Mortified and having lost nearly all face, the man shamelessly said, “This minister is old, but my son is young and vigorous.”
“Oh, young and vigorous~”
Li Shimin’s voice rippled around the four words. “Who can understand such vagueness? Be direct. How many children per year? Let me name a figure: three hundred sixty-five. Can he manage that?”
The official: “…”
Your Majesty, not even a production-brigade mule worked that hard!
Li Gang snorted with laughter. Once he began, the rest of the court erupted, filling the hall with delight.
The official stood in unbearable embarrassment, wishing the floor would split and swallow him.
Li Shimin snorted, expelled him from court, then said coldly, “The Son of Heaven’s family affairs are state affairs; I understand that. But my imperial sister neither murdered nor committed every evil beneath heaven. Why demand so much of her? You cowered when the Jin marched south, then struck with all your might when a princess entered religion. You only dare target the weak? Spineless trash. Heaven knows how he managed to father a son!”
After seeing His Majesty punish two groups of ministers, the court wanted neither a mission to Jin nor public humiliation. Wisely, they closed their mouths and turned to real state affairs.
No one objected further to the Wang judgments. Princess Huifu’s religious life was settled.
Empress Dowager Zheng had daughters and had herself been carried north. She had witnessed the female captives’ misery and had been close to Princess Huifu’s mother, so she bestowed a thousand gold pieces. Empress Dowager Meng and the Consorts Dowager gave generous gifts as well.
Princess Huifu personally chose a beautiful site outside Dongjing (Kaifeng), backed by hills and facing water. She funded a Taoist temple where she could live and shelter unfortunate homeless women.
When it was completed, Li Shimin and Empress Wei attended the celebration with all the imperial princesses.
The sisters walked through the temple. Green bamboo swayed on the hills and clear springs rushed over stones. Delighted, they sighed, “Doing good and spending the rest of our lives among these hills would indeed be beautiful.”
Before leaving, Empress Wei said gently, “Visit the palace whenever you’re free. The two empress dowagers miss you. If you wish to marry again, Sister-in-Law will help choose.”
Princess Huifu now wore the plain robes and serene expression of a Taoist priestess. She shook her head. “Thank you, Sister-in-Law, but truly, there is no need.”
She smiled. “This is very good.”
Empress Wei did not press her.
For Princess Huifu, perhaps this truly was the best ending.
…
Li Shimin held real power. Once he commanded, no subordinate could delay. That afternoon, the caned officials tearfully parted from their families and began the journey north to Jin.
The court caning had left them needing half a month in bed, though their spines remained unbroken. Instead, they were stuffed into jolting carriages toward the Supreme Capital. Their suffering was obvious.
Most were pampered civil officials who had never endured hardship. Unwilling to hasten toward death, they cautiously asked the Imperial Guards escorting-or rather, transporting-them, “Could we travel more slowly? We are not shirking. Our wounds are severe, and the jolting is agony!”
The guard looked disgusted. “An imperial physician is traveling with us.”
The official forced a smile at this guard, stinking and hard as a stone from a latrine pit. “But it hurts. Look, my wounds haven’t healed. They barely begin scabbing when one jolt tears them open and blood pours out!”
The guard replied coldly, “An imperial physician is traveling with us.”
The official: “…”
Fuck your mother! Even the Jade Emperor himself couldn’t stop this father from hurting!
They knew these guards were His Majesty’s confidants and needed their protection, so they returned to the carriage without showing anger. After enduring two days, they stopped at a post station and collectively approached the Commander of the Imperial Guards escorting-or rather, transporting-them north.
“Can we rest several days? It truly hurts. Traveling constantly prevents the wounds from healing.”
The commander ignored them. Leaning beside a window, he stared at the full moon.
The officials: “…”
Suppressing anger, they tugged him. “Did you hear? Can we remain here several days?”
Still gazing outside, the commander sighed. “Look at that moon, so large and round, just like when I escorted Fan Zongyin, Huang Qianshan, and the other peace advocates north.”
The officials: “…”
The officials: “!!!!”
“Wait!” Their hearts trembled. “You escorted Lord Fan and the others north?!”
The officials: “!!!!”
The commander said eerily, “I hear that after they died here, the hill opposite received a new name.”
The nearest official asked carefully, “What name?”
“Hill Where Morons Fall.”
The officials: “…”
Little physical damage. Tremendous humiliation.
The moon had not changed, yet its bright light now appeared sinister, like a malicious eye silently watching them.
The commander seemed to return to himself. Hand on his saber, he turned solicitously. “Forgive me, my thoughts wandered. What were you saying? Make any request. If I can help, I will.”
The officials: “…”
Sorry for disturbing you.
We are going straight to bed.
He watched them hurry away, then followed enthusiastically. “Nothing to say? Do your wounds hurt? Would you like to rest here?”
They walked faster. The most severely injured fell behind and broke into a cold sweat when the commander drew alongside. “It doesn’t hurt! No rest needed. How can loyal service to the country permit rest?”
“You look badly injured.”
“I don’t hurt, hahaha!”
“The wounds on your back opened. Blood is seeping out.”
“Really? Hahaha, I hadn’t noticed!”
He reached back, tore off a scab, and displayed it. “Not painful at all. Truly. I’m sleepy. Good night!”
His Majesty’s attitude was clear: delay inside Song territory and be killed. The Jin mission was dangerous, but at least offered a chance.
Smiling outwardly and cursing inwardly, they conferred over breakfast and decided to behave and negotiate for territory.
“Negotiate my ass!” a younger official said. “The Jin aren’t fools. Why cede land?”
Dejected, he added, “We’re dead. I only wonder whether the imperial army can bring our corpses home when it marches north…”
Another sighed. “I just took a beautiful concubine and barely enjoyed her. Now my soul will perish in Jin.”
“There remains some hope,” the eldest said. “After their defeats, the Jin must be afraid. Their state is divided. Cession may not be impossible…”
The others stared.
Sweat formed on his forehead. He forced down peanuts, then said desperately, “We only need to bluff! If we fool the Jin lame, we live. Otherwise… I wonder whether they’ll send us home in good coffins. I want nanmu wood, wuwuwu…”
Their grief was stirred. They wept over the table, but afterward stopped dragging their feet and planned their approach.
They had no choice. Remaining in Song meant death; failing meant death. Jin might accept defectors, but their nine clans and ancestral graves at home would suffer.
Pedantic as they were, they were not utterly heartless. Even dying in Jin could earn a good name and benefit their descendants.
Of course, living was preferable.
At the border, they drew lots. Half went to Zongbi’s Western Jin court, half to Zongpan’s Eastern Jin court.
Their timing was unfortunate. Empress Dowager Tangkuo had died three days earlier.
She was the widow of Emperor Taizong of Jin, Wanyan Sheng, and mother of Eastern Jin’s emperor Wanyan Zongpan. Born to a great clan, she had profoundly influenced the Eastern court’s establishment.
Her death shook Eastern Jin. Even Zongbi, Western Jin’s emperor, who hated mother and son and longed to destroy them, sent envoys to the Supreme Capital with condolences.
The three Song officials arrived while the entire city wore mourning white.
Song and Jin still maintained relations as brother states. With Li Shimin’s victories behind them, the officials received courtesy. After bathing and changing, they were led into the palace the next day to meet Zongpan.
Their lives depended on this audience. They rehearsed several times, steadied themselves, and strode into the Jin palace with heads high.
Upon seeing Zongpan, before any Jin attendant could speak, they seized the initiative. “Zongpan, catastrophe hangs over you! Death stands before your eyes!”
After several nights keeping vigil for his mother, Zongpan looked haggard. He forced himself to sit on the throne and receive the Song envoys as courtesy required, only to hear this curse. His expression turned vicious. “You court death! Do you truly think I dare not kill Song men?!”
They had been beaten, cursed, threatened, and had even chosen coffin materials. Why fear one shout?
Unmoved, the leader pointed at Zongpan and declared, “Heaven sent a comet into the southeast. Great misfortune gathers in the north! Lady Tangkuo’s death was one omen, and you will likely not survive this year!”
Zongpan had loved his mother deeply. Already grieving, he roared, “Arrogant Song dogs dare curse Imperial Mother! Drag them out, behead them, preserve their heads with lime, and offer them before her spirit!”
“Insolence!” the official thundered over him. “We are Song envoys. How dare barbarians harm us? If we die, Heaven will punish you!”
Zongpan’s eyes shifted. Laughing in fury, he ordered, “Cut off their ears and gouge out their eyes. Let us see whether those clever tongues continue!”
The official remained neither humble nor overbearing. “Do you imagine we fear you? You underestimate men of the Great Song!”
He ripped open his robe, revealing a bloody, unscabbed back. “On our northern journey, we fought a bear and suffered terrible wounds. Our expressions did not change. Why fear Jin men?”
The torn flesh was hideous. No close inspection was needed to imagine the bloodshed.
The Jurchens revered bears. On special festivals they killed one to pray to Heaven, and any man who slew a bear was an unquestioned warrior.
Zongpan and his attendants twitched, their faces changing.
They did not believe the Song envoy lied. There was no need.
Would anyone inflict such horrific wounds on his own back merely to claim he had killed a bear?
Certainly not.
First Empress Tangkuo died, then a bear-killing Song envoy arrived and said Zongpan would die. Connecting the clues, an ominous feeling rose in his heart.
What had they said first?
A comet in the southeast and great misfortune for Jin?
He suppressed his anger and laughed. “Song envoys are truly loyal and brave, possessing your emperor’s spirit. I merely tested your courage. Admirable!”
Zongpan descended the jade steps to speak with them, but the leader’s face abruptly changed. He told his companions, “Dangerous. He’s seriously ill.”
Zongpan: “…”
I will pretend you farted.
“Extremely serious.”
Zongpan: “…”
Fuck. Keep babbling and I’ll get angry!
“Extremely serious. Far too serious!”
Zongpan snapped, “What are you saying?!”
The envoy seemed to recover and smiled. “Nothing. Pay no attention.”
Another whispered, “What’s serious?”
Zongpan sneered. “Mystifying nonsense!”
He turned toward the throne.
The envoy said, “Once this illness is discovered, there’s no cure. Wait for death.”
Zongpan: “…”
Fuck your mother! You Song dog speaking in half-sentences will die horribly!