Chapter 1

Chapter 1

[The Emperors Are Furious]

Emperor Gaozu did not know whether to laugh or sigh as he listened to the emperors trade barbs. He rose and invited the two newcomers to sit. “Today is the first time I have met you all, and your bearing is every bit as remarkable as rumor promised. Let this gathering serve as a welcome feast for Yuanda. We shall drink, and speak no more of the past, lest another quarrel arise.”

Ying Zheng and Liu Che had come one after the other because they wanted to take the measure of this new emperor. Now that they found him neither arrogant nor intimidated, but warm and composed, they took something of a liking to him. They accepted his invitation and joined the conversation.

Every man present had been a great ruler of a flourishing age, a titan of his time. Each had his own insights into domestic rule and the conduct of war. Wine cups circled the table, and the atmosphere gradually turned convivial.

Their first small gathering ended happily for host and guests alike. After Emperor Gaozu returned to his residence, he sent out invitations for a banquet of his own. Coming and going in this fashion, the emperors soon grew familiar. He also became acquainted with Emperor Wen of Sui, Emperor Chengzu of Ming, and others. They often met to drink and talk, and their days were exceedingly harmonious.

One day, Emperor Gaozu and several of the other emperors went boating on the Wangchuan River. On their way back together, they passed the Hall of Yama and saw a globe of light hovering outside. The instant it spotted them from afar, it began bobbing wildly, then shot straight toward them.

“The First Emperor?! Emperor Gaozu of Zhou?! Emperor Taizong of Tang?! Oh my God-Emperor Chengzu of Ming and Emperor Wu of Han too?!”

Ying Zheng swept it aside with his sleeve and frowned. “What is this thing?”

Curiosity appeared on the faces of the other emperors as well.

An underworld bailiff was stationed nearby. Hearing the question, he respectfully explained, “Your Majesty, this is a technological product from a later age. It is known as a System. Because the Underworld connects to many different worlds and contains countless spatial passages, the occasional novelty finds its way here…”

“System?” Emperor Gaozu was more bewildered the longer he listened. “What does that mean?”

Before the bailiff could answer, the System reacted as though it had discovered a new continent. It cried in delight, “Gaozu? Li Yuanda, Emperor Wen, Gaozu of Great Zhou?!”

“That is Us.” Emperor Gaozu looked it up and down. “You have heard of Us?”

“Of course! You’re tremendously famous in later generations!”

The System could not contain its excitement. “There’s a question people in later ages have argued about endlessly, and neither side has ever convinced the other. By sheer chance, I’ve met you yourself here in the Underworld. Finally I can ask!”

“Later generations know of My achievements as well?”

The System had scratched precisely the right itch. Emperor Gaozu was smugly proud, though he tried not to show it as he surveyed the others. With a kindly expression, he said, “What do you wish to ask?”

The moment he gave permission, the System blurted, “Which woman did you truly care about most-Empress Deming or Zhaorong Liu?!”

Liu Che snorted with laughter.

Emperor Gaozu had expected a question about his magnificent achievements in the three campaigns against the Western Regions, or perhaps the glorious feat of South Yue’s submission. Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined the System wanted to ask about some trivial harem matter-much less one so utterly divorced from reality.

Anger stirred in him. “Who is this Zhaorong Liu? How dare some lowly wretch be compared to Empress Deming!”

Lady Xu, Empress Deming, had been Emperor Gaozu’s first wife. She was virtuous and wise, forbearing and kind. To hear the System suddenly claim that later generations placed his admirable Empress Xu on equal footing with some inexplicable Zhaorong Liu-how could he not fly into a rage?

The System jumped in fright. “Th-the talented lady who wrote poetry. Zhaorong Liu.”

Emperor Gaozu racked his memory for a long while before digging such a person out of its dustiest corner. “She was merely a Zhaorong. How could she possibly be compared to Empress Deming?”

His thoughts churned, and his fury swelled. “Did someone alter the Veritable Records? Or erase the accounts of Empress Deming from the histories of Our dynasty?!”

After Empress Xu’s death, Emperor Gaozu had personally overseen her funeral, suspended court for three months, and honored her with the highest possible rites. He had also ordered her virtuous words and deeds compiled into a book and entered into the histories. Only after checking it repeatedly and finding no fault had he let the matter rest.

Now the System claimed that people of later generations actually debated whether he had cared more for Empress Deming or Zhaorong Liu. Since Emperor Gaozu could make no sense of it, he naturally assumed someone had tampered with the histories and court diaries.

“No,” said the System. “Every account of Empress Deming is still there, exactly as it was.”

Emperor Gaozu erupted. “Then what is the meaning of this Lady Liu?! Did some member of the Liu Clan become a court historian in a later age and invent special embellishments for her? The wretch deserves death!”

He had ruled over a golden age. Though his mortal body was gone, his imperial authority remained. When his thunderous wrath broke loose, violet lightning began to flash across a radius of ten li.

Trembling with fear, the System hurriedly said, “Nothing like that. The main reason is that a director in a later age made a television drama… Um, you can think of it as a legendary tale in which you are the protagonist. Zhaorong Liu was the female lead.”

Emperor Gaozu did not understand television dramas, but he understood legendary tales, and he could more or less guess what “female lead” meant. His eyes blazed at once. “If she was the female lead, then what was Empress Deming?”

“A supporting character,” said the System.

Emperor Gaozu understood. “The television drama said We cared most for Lady Liu, so later generations believed it? Do they have no brains with which to think for themselves?!”

The System sputtered for a moment, then tried to defend them. “It wasn’t quite like that. Mainly, the historical records contain too little about Zhaorong Liu…”

Emperor Gaozu nearly laughed from sheer contempt. “She was nothing but a lowly concubine. What great deeds of hers deserved pages of ink?”

The System explained cautiously, “One theory in later generations says that the woman you cared about most was actually Zhaorong Liu, but you wanted to protect her, so you ordered all records about her erased…”

Emperor Gaozu stared at it as though it had lost its mind.

“We cared for Lady Liu most, so We made sure she remained unknown and left no trace in the histories? Was the person who invented that theory thinking with his heels?!”
Emperor Gaozu thundered, “If We truly cared for Lady Liu, why would she have remained a mere Zhaorong? Even if she could not be made Noble Consort, she should at least have ranked among the Four Consorts! How do they explain that?!”

The System lowered its eyes meekly. “They say you wanted to protect Lady Liu from the jealousy of the other harem consorts, so you used Empress Xu as a shield.”

Emperor Gaozu stared at it in disbelief.

The other emperors burst out laughing.

“What bloody horseshit!”

Emperor Gaozu had been an emperor for decades. After so many years of reading, practicing calligraphy, and cultivating his character, it had been a very long time since he last swore. “We are the mighty Son of Heaven, holding all beneath Heaven in balance, yet We could not protect one woman? We dared not even promote her and had to use Our empress as a shield? What, did We win this throne in a children’s game?!”

“Do the people saying this even know what it means to care for someone?”

The System did not dare make a sound.

Hands planted on his hips, Emperor Gaozu paced three circuits before the entrance before he managed to suppress his fury. A long while later, something suddenly occurred to him. “Was Lady Liu buried with Us after her death? Did We not tell the Crown Prince that no palace consort was to accompany Us in the imperial mausoleum? Did that little bastard dare obey to Our face and defy Us behind Our back?!”

Shivering, the System said, “Lady Liu wasn’t buried in the imperial mausoleum. In fact, she wasn’t even interred in the consorts’ cemetery.”

Emperor Gaozu blinked, thoroughly baffled.

He was utterly baffled. “Then why do they say We cared for her most?!”

The System defended the theory in a feeble voice. “They say you wanted her to be free and unrestrained, no longer bound by anything, and hoped she would not be born into the imperial family in her next life.”

Emperor Gaozu looked as though he had heard utter nonsense.

Liu Che laughed until his stomach hurt. Zhu Yuanzhang asked Li Shimin beside him to rub his aching guts. Even the stern and formidable Ying Zheng could not keep the corner of his mouth from twitching.

Amid his fury, Emperor Gaozu found the whole thing both ridiculous and absurd beyond belief. “A concubine rejected by her husband and by her husband’s family, left to wander alone outside their burial grounds-you call that caring? It sounds more like hatred to Us!”

The System said softly, “They say the deepest love breeds the deepest hatred. You hated her so much precisely because you had loved her…”

Emperor Gaozu was speechless.

Emperor Gaozu laughed in exasperation. “By that reasoning, when We displayed a rebel’s severed head and had his corpse flogged and dismembered, was that because We cared about him too? Lady Liu was still alive when We died. After Our death, she became a Consort Dowager, and all decisions concerning her funeral rested with the Emperor and Empress. Why did Run’er and his wife treat her this way?”

At that, his expression turned thoughtful. “Are there any records of Lady Liu’s family?”

“It’s precisely because there aren’t any records that later generations came up with so much speculation,” the System said. “The histories say very little about her, which gave the screenwriters room to invent.”

Emperor Gaozu sneered, his eyes turning razor-sharp. “My son was an emperor in the mortal world. Why would he deliberately humiliate a Consort Dowager and erase all records of the Liu Clan? Unless she committed some grave taboo, and the crime implicated her mother’s family…”

The System flickered, dumbfounded.

The System had never dreamed that asking the man himself would produce such an answer. It was still hovering in midair, stunned, when a large hand suddenly seized it and Li Shimin’s face loomed close. “And Us? What do later generations say about Us?”

The System hesitated, thought for a moment, then asked curiously, “Some people in later generations say the woman you loved most was Consort Yang. Is that true?”

Li Shimin stared at it in astonishment. “How could they possibly think that? The woman We cared for most was Guanyinbi, of course!”

The System asked another question. “I’ve heard that your favorite son was Li Ke, Prince of Wu, and your most beloved daughter was Princess Gaoyang. Is that true?”

Li Shimin did not know whether to laugh or cry. “All the children We loved most were born to Guanyinbi. The only two children We kept and raised by Our side were hers as well. That little bastard Chengqian rebelled and nearly angered Us to death, and even then We could not bear to kill him! Have these people never thought to open a history book?”

The System asked tentatively, “But don’t the histories say you wanted to make Li Ke, Prince of Wu, the Crown Prince?”

“That was a feint. It was false,” Li Shimin replied without the slightest hesitation. “We had three legitimate sons and passed over all of them to make a concubine-born son Crown Prince? Besides, the man We chose to discuss the matter with was Zhangsun Wuji, Guanyinbi’s elder brother. Anyone thinking with his heels would know he was bound to support his own nephew!”

Liu Che could not help snorting. “The people of later generations do not seem very clever.”

Then he asked, “And Us? We dealt the Xiongnu a devastating blow, pacified Minyue, and opened the Silk Road. With achievements such as these, how do later generations judge Us?”

The System dithered for a long while before offering tentatively, “A heartless, ungrateful social-climbing husband?”

“…” Liu Che said. “What does that mean?”

The System explained with extreme caution. “It means you were faithless and cruel. You deposed Empress Chen and forgot the promise to hide Chen Ajiao in a golden house, while Empress Wei was a shameless mistress.”

Liu Che’s expression changed violently. The claim struck him as absurd. “We deposed the empress first because Empress Chen was childless, second because she practiced witchcraft, and third because the act allowed Us to strike at the Dou Clan’s maternal relatives and the old meritorious houses. The deposition and appointment of an empress concern countless affairs of state. How could they be reduced to romantic sentiment? Had We truly been cruel, We would have ordered her death as We did Lady Gouyi. Why would We have kept her in the palace and maintained her in comfort?”

The System had no answer. Even its glow dimmed considerably.

Zhu Yuanzhang squeezed past the furious emperors, walked over with his hands tucked into his sleeves, and asked in a small voice, “Nothing you want to say to Us?”

The System flickered twice, leaned close to his ear, and whispered a sentence.

Zhu Yuanzhang’s eyes blazed like a wrathful guardian deity. “What? They say We had a donkey’s face?!”
Li Shimin killed his elder and younger brothers: minus one hundred points. He forced his own father’s hand: minus another hundred. He slept with his sister-in-law: another hundred deducted. The Reign of Zhenguan: plus one hundred thousand. Final score: 99,700.

Emperor Xiaozong of Ming married only one empress. How devoted! Plus one hundred points. He also indulged the Zhang Maternal Relatives, possibly the most arrogant and tyrannical maternal clan of the entire Ming dynasty, while they committed crimes and preyed upon the people. A few tears from his wife were enough to make him smooth everything over and pretend nothing had happened. Minus two hundred points. Throw in his handful of rather unimpressive political achievements, and a score of sixty is already more than generous. I will not even discuss the spectacular son the two of them produced.

If you imagine yourself as Empress Zhang, her life seems very happy. But given the size of the population and our own status as readers in modern society, most of us would not have been Empress Zhang. We would be far more likely to have been one of the wretches whose family the Zhang Brothers destroyed, one of the powerless poor with no avenue for justice, one of the ants whose emperor helped conceal the crime in the name of “keeping the peace.”

Try imagining it another way. Your sister was sexually assaulted by the Zhang Brothers and took her own life. When your father and brothers reported the crime, the Zhang family had them killed too. Empress Zhang wept a few tears on her brothers’ behalf, and the Zhang Brothers escaped without so much as a scratch. Your entire family died for nothing. Still satisfying when you think of it that way?

The Zhang Brothers tried to sexually assault palace maids inside the imperial palace. When a eunuch stopped them, Empress Zhang had the eunuch killed. Li Mengyang impeached the Zhang Brothers, so Empress Zhang wailed and sobbed until Emperor Xiaozong ordered his execution…

Historically, Empress Zhang’s son died young and her final years were bleak. Most likely, the evil she committed by endlessly coddling and protecting her brothers came back upon her. She deserved it.

The direction of the story should be fairly obvious now. These emperors truly are feudal male chauvinists. Nation and power come before everything. They absolutely, categorically will never surrender the realm for a beauty. If that is unacceptable to you, then I sincerely recommend withdrawing now. Thank you, thank you. _(:з”∠)_