Chapter 157

Chapter 157

Author’s Note: Dear Reviewer, these two are not related-neither by blood nor on the same household registration. Can’t men call each other “good brothers” too? orz

—

“…Who are you?”

“Shu Yan. Your younger brother.”

“Mm… then what’s my name?”

“Shu Xiao. My older brother.”

The consciousness that had only just awakened lacked the calm composure Shu Xiao had as an adult. Looking at the modern high-tech room around him, and then at the other person standing nearby-marked with a “2” at the corner of his eye and staring at him with an unsettling fervor-he instinctively reached out and grabbed Shu Yan’s sleeve. “Where are we right now?”

Even if the Shu Yan in front of him, who claimed to be his younger brother, was also a stranger to him, compared to the other one, Shu Xiao was much more willing to trust this so-called “brother.”

Shu Yan lowered his gaze to Shu Xiao’s unconscious gesture and curved his lips in a smile. “Ge, don’t be afraid. He’s here to help us.”

Shu Xiao asked blankly, “Help us? Were we in some kind of trouble?”

Shu Yan had no intention of giving Shu Xiao any extra psychological burden, so he said, “Nothing too serious. We wanted to go traveling, but some very bad Bad Person locked us up.”

“Ge protected me, and because of that, you slept for a very long time. That’s why you don’t remember what happened before.”

Even without his memories, when Shu Xiao saw the wet shimmer rising in the young man’s eyes, he instinctively lifted a hand and touched his face. “But if we’re okay now, then don’t be sad.”

002 had no interest in the atmosphere of their reunion and said coldly, “His bodily functions have already recovered to normal levels. As for memories and all that, that’s up to fate. His soul was slowly nursed back together by that tiny remnant of consciousness attached to you. Whether he’ll recover, and how long it’ll take, no one can predict. This kind of thing is mysterious. He might recover in the next second, or he might never recover in this lifetime.”

Shu Yan gave a quiet “Mm.” “The fact that he can stand here in front of me safe and sound is already more than I dared ask for.”

He helped Shu Xiao up, then held Shu Xiao’s hand and bowed to 002. “Thank you for helping us.”

002 waved it off. “No problem, no problem. If you can get me a few more bodies so I can res-”

Before he could finish, 001, who had rushed over, clapped a hand over his mouth. “He accepts your thanks. Go back and live well.”

001 was thorough in everything he did. He gave Shu Yan and Shu Xiao a sum of money so they could settle down for the time being in the human world.

Shu Yan knew how to do many things, especially computer work. Even just working from home and taking freelance contracts was enough to cover their expenses.

So most of the time, he stayed by Shu Xiao’s side.

After living like this for a while, Shu Xiao didn’t know how different his personality was from before. But sometimes, when he looked up and saw the smiling look in Xiao Yan’s eyes as he watched him, he thought that his personality was probably still the same.

Only his memories still showed no progress whatsoever.

And then there was Xiao Yan-his so-called “younger brother.”

Sometimes Shu Xiao felt a strange sense of something being off, though he couldn’t quite put it into words.

For example, if he wanted to go out and buy something, Shu Yan would go with him no matter how busy he was, as if afraid Shu Xiao might get lost.

For example, sometimes Shu Xiao only wanted to sit quietly and read alone for a while, but the moment he looked up, he’d see Shu Yan observing him through the full-length mirror across from him.

But it didn’t feel like surveillance. If anything, it was more like caring for something fragile. That was reflected in the round-edged furniture throughout the house and the soft carpets covering the floor. When they cooked, if Shu Xiao wanted to help, the instant Shu Yan saw his hand reaching toward a knife, he would snatch it away at once, even if he accidentally cut himself in the process.

Sometimes Shu Xiao found it rather troubling, and he brought it up with Shu Yan more than once. But Shu Yan would only smile and refuse.

And every time he made such a request, Shu Yan watched him even more closely afterward.

In the last few days, it had escalated to the point where even when they stayed at home, Shu Yan would use a strip of cord to tie their wrists together.

Shu Xiao couldn’t help laughing a little. “Xiao Yan, I’m an adult. You don’t need to treat me like I’m something fragile.”

He guessed that maybe whatever accident he had gone through before had left Shu Yan with a bit of PTSD, so he wasn’t angry about Shu Yan’s behavior. Sometimes he even indulged him.

Until one night, while he was sleeping drowsily in bed, he suddenly heard the bedroom door open.

Just as Shu Xiao was waking up, a pair of arms wrapped around his waist. “Ge, I’m scared.”

The motion he had started to make to push him away forcibly turned into an embrace instead. Shu Xiao gently stroked the top of his head. “Ge’s right here.”

He ignored the way Shu Yan was pressing in between his legs. Sensing Shu Yan burrowing against his neck again and again, Shu Xiao had not yet had time to think, What a childlike temperament, when something warm and soft brushed across his neck.

Shu Xiao’s soothing hand froze. Only then did a point belatedly occur to him: though it usually wasn’t obvious, Shu Yan was two centimeters taller than he was.

Were they twins? Were they related by blood? Just how old was Shu Yan?

Shu Xiao had never intended to dig into the past he had forgotten. Shu Yan treated him very well, and he felt an instinctive closeness toward both this name and this person. Since he could trust Shu Yan, the past seemed insignificant.

But even though that brush of lips against his neck had lasted only an instant-so brief it could almost have been passed off as accidental-after that, Shu Yan kept his sense of boundaries under perfect control.
But Shu Xiao still grew suspicious.

In the days that followed, he started carefully observing Shu Yan’s every move. But Shu Yan went back to acting like a good younger brother again, never crossing the line, never overstepping.

Shu Xiao privately scolded himself for being too paranoid, getting jumpy over what was probably just a coincidental gesture.

One early autumn night, the temperature was perfect. Taking advantage of the evening breeze, Shu Xiao smiled at Shu Yan. “Let’s go out for a walk.”

Shu Xiao rarely went out. One reason was that Jiangcheng’s midsummer heat was unbearably stifling, and he didn’t really want to leave the house. Another was that he apparently knew computers too; after Shu Yan gave him a simple explanation, he was able to pick up some freelance jobs himself, so there was even less reason to go out.

After sending a message to a certain number that read, “Come find me next year. You’re all too noisy. I want to spend a New Year with my brother, just the two of us. Don’t tell them yet,” Shu Yan ignored the reply that came back-“Wow, you’re really heartless”-and naturally took Shu Xiao’s hand. “Then let’s go.”

That had become a habit for them over the past few months. Compared to the hand-holding, Shu Xiao was actually more curious about the text. “Who were you messaging? Not a client, right?”

As far as he was concerned, there were no secrets between them. Anything Shu Xiao wanted to know, Shu Yan would tell him directly, so he asked the question as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

“A friend of ours,” Shu Yan said.

He thought about it, then added with a trace of jealousy, “A very good friend.”

Shu Xiao tilted his head and, in a familiar gesture, reached up to ruffle Shu Yan’s hair. “No matter how good they are, they can’t be better than Xiao Yan.”

The jealousy vanished in an instant. The corners of Shu Yan’s lips lifted as he led Shu Xiao around with him.

He actually hadn’t explored the area that much either, but he still knew more about this world than Shu Xiao did.

“That’s a milk tea shop. Want one, Ge?”

“Thirty percent sugar, I guess. I’m not used to drinks that are too sweet.”

“There’s a craft store across the street. Want to go mess around for a bit?”

It was the first time either of them had worked with stone plastic clay, and after they finished, neither of them could tell what the other had made.

But Shu Yan asked anyway, and did so with complete confidence. “Ge, is yours supposed to be me?”

Shu Xiao looked surprised. “You’re pretty smart. How’d you guess?”

If Shu Yan had a tail, it would have been sticking straight up into the sky by then. He lifted his chin, the calm maturity he’d worn these days replaced by the spirited pride of a teenager. “Because mine is you, Ge.”

Shu Xiao didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “What kind of logic is that?”

Still, hearing that Shu Yan had sculpted him made Shu Xiao happy too.

The stone plastic clay would take a few days to dry, so they arranged a time with the owner to come back and pick up their pieces.

By the time they finished, it was already getting late. Shu Xiao’s gaze brushed over the glowing sign of the movie theater. “Let’s go home.”

Lately, they sometimes slept together. For their relationship, sharing a bed seemed almost normal, even though things between them had become strangely ambiguous these days.

So when Shu Yan came to his room, Shu Xiao naturally set down his book and patted the spot beside him.

His hand was caught. Shu Xiao looked up in confusion and saw Shu Yan wearing an almost pleading expression. “Ge, let’s go watch a movie.”

“The theater should be closed by now…”

“At home.”

It wasn’t until Shu Yan pulled him into the entertainment room that Shu Xiao realized one of the walls could be used as a projector screen. He normally never went into that room, and he hadn’t especially wanted to watch a movie.

Seeing the theater tonight had only made him want to go in on instinct, as though he were answering an old promise that had once been made but never fulfilled.

“You know, when I saw the theater tonight, I wanted to watch-”

Shu Yan smiled and took his hand, drawing him into his arms. “Whatever Ge wants to do, I know.”

It was the first time they’d been in a position like this, and it felt awkward. Shu Xiao frowned and tried to pull away, but the person behind him held his wrist with a gentleness that was somehow firm, the pad of his thumb pressing against the place where Shu Xiao’s pulse beat.

“Ge, don’t hide from me.”

It hit Shu Xiao all at once that during these past days, Shu Yan hadn’t actually been doing nothing.

He had merely been lowering his own restraint bit by bit, testing step by step how far he could go.

No pair of adult relatives with separate bedrooms still regularly shared the same bed. And no pair of ordinary friends strolled the streets hand in hand, acting that intimately.

Shu Xiao wasn’t repulsed.

If anything, his heartbeat was getting faster and faster.

Shu Yan, who could clearly feel his pulse, naturally noticed the racing tempo too. Just as Shu Xiao’s mind was spinning chaotically, trying to think of something to say, the movie started.

Shu Yan didn’t ask anything. He only whispered by Shu Xiao’s ear, “Ge, watch the movie.”

Shu Xiao forced himself to focus on the screen, but the more he watched, the more wrong the direction of the movie felt.

Until the male lead pressed down on the back of the other male lead’s head and kissed him.

All the thoughts Shu Xiao had just barely forced down came surging back up. Behind him, Shu Yan’s breathing was painfully clear.

Shu Xiao couldn’t really keep watching. He had just started to get up to say he was going to bed when Shu Yan pulled him back again. “Ge, you’re not watching anymore?”

Shu Xiao frowned. After a long moment, he let out a deep breath and looked straight at Shu Yan.

“Xiao Yan, do you like me?”

Shu Yan’s eyes curved, just like they had when they first met. “Yes. I like you, Ge.”

“The kind of like between lovers?”

“Yes.”

After years upon years of love, the words had finally been spoken aloud. And yet Shu Yan didn’t feel any lighter for it.

Amid the thunderous pounding of his heartbeat, he saw Shu Xiao’s lips part and close.

“…Give Ge some time. Let me sort this out.”
At that, Shu Yan lowered his head and curled his lips into a smile.

He knew it. This was more like his brother.

Shu Xiao might seem gentle and effortlessly affectionate, but when it came to love, he was actually extremely cautious.

But Shu Yan had already been waiting a very long time.

When Shu Yan didn’t answer, Shu Xiao’s lips pressed into a tight line. He had just started to pull his hand back when the grip around his wrist tightened.

“…Ge, I’ve been waiting since the day you left me.”

The next moment, the world flipped upside down.

He was pinned against the soft sofa in the room. His wrist was released, only for their fingers to lace together instead.

With the movie’s background music playing, Shu Xiao was kissing his own younger brother on the sofa.

For the first few seconds, he was completely stunned. On top of that, he had always trusted Shu Yan, so he didn’t resist at all at first.

And by the time the thought of resisting finally surfaced, Shu Yan’s movements had turned gentle again.

Shu Xiao thought, what exactly were he and Shu Yan now? Brothers, or something more?

He wanted to push him away, but the moment he saw Shu Yan’s eyes, he froze.

Shu Yan’s eyes were rimmed red, tears falling one by one onto his face.

Shu Xiao watched him close his eyes and lower his head to peck twice at the corner of his lips. When he spoke again, his voice was hoarse. “Ge, can you sort it out right now?”

This was the first time Shu Xiao had ever seen Shu Yan cry.

A flood of images suddenly surged through his mind, mixed with countless emotions that clogged his throat so thoroughly he couldn’t say a single word.

After speaking, Shu Yan hurriedly added, “No… Ge, you don’t have to sort it out right now. Take your time… I was too anxious. As long as, as long as you don’t reject me…”

Shu Yan felt like a thief trying to take what he hadn’t earned, humbly begging here.

As he spoke, he got up, moving in a panic as if he wanted to flee.

Someone hooked his pinky.

Shu Xiao reached out in a fluster and opened his mouth, but what came out was, “…I’m sorry.”

Dying in front of you-I’m truly sorry.

Back then, selfishness had gotten the better of him. He’d only thought about the moment, never the aftermath.

He wanted to say so much, but all that reached his lips was one pale, powerless sentence:

“…I’m very sorry.”

But Shu Yan took that apology as rejection, and his whole body went rigid.

Until he heard Shu Xiao say, “I’ve sorted it out, Xiao Yan.”

What had happened in the past wasn’t suitable for explaining in the atmosphere they were in now, so he could only choose the one question that most needed an answer at this very moment.

In Shu Xiao’s view, in a normal brotherly relationship, he would never have thought, before dying, that one more second of looking was one more second gained; even without his memories, if he hadn’t had those kinds of feelings, he never would have allowed his younger brother onto his bed again and again for no reason.

The vague, ambiguous feelings from before finally had an answer under Shu Yan’s forceful intervention.

“I love you very much.”

That night was complete chaos, and Shu Xiao didn’t even know how things had progressed that far.

He only remembered that after he’d confessed his feelings, Shu Yan had stared at him in a daze, as if he had finally received an answer he’d waited years for, and tears had silently streamed down his face.

Shu Yan rarely cried. He shed more tears that night than ever before.

At first, Shu Xiao had only meant to comfort him by kissing the corner of his lips. His movements were a little clumsy, but at least they were sincere.

Then Shu Yan kissed him back.

It was as if every nerve in his brain had burned through inch by inch. By the time Shu Xiao barely managed to claw back some sanity, the two of them were almost completely undressed.

He tried to stop things, and Shu Yan started crying again.

…

In the end, Shu Xiao gave in and let himself indulge.

His waist hurt afterward.

Shu Xiao never found a chance to confess that he had recovered his memories. It wasn’t until one very ordinary afternoon, when he suddenly remembered something that had happened in a Script set in a world very similar to the human world and started talking about it at length, that he realized halfway through that this was something from a Script.

Shu Xiao shut his mouth and waited for Shu Yan’s reaction. Instead, Shu Yan looked up and asked in confusion, “Ge, why’d you stop?”

The confusion was real, but it was also obvious that Shu Yan had known for a long time that Shu Xiao’s memories had returned.

Shu Xiao quickly searched through his memories until they landed on one chaotic night. “You already knew that night?”

Shu Yan answered with perfect confidence, “Ge felt the guiltiest toward me back then. If I didn’t take the chance to do something, I’d be letting myself down.”

His heartbreak had been real, and so had the seduction.

And after that night, realizing how addictive it was-and realizing that he could use tears to make Shu Xiao give in-had also been real.

Shu Xiao pushed the dishes aside and said coolly, “You’re washing the dishes. Also, take me to the movies tonight.”

Imitating Shu Xiao’s usual posture, Shu Yan propped his chin on one hand and looked over at him with a teasing smile. “Doesn’t Ge like reading? Since when do you like movies?”

Seeing how convincingly Shu Yan was copying him, Shu Xiao laughed. He walked around the table, pinched the back of Shu Yan’s neck, and let his warm breath brush past his ear.

“The person I love likes movies. I want to go with him. So? Are you coming?”

Shu Yan pouted and tugged on his hem with feigned grievance. “How many lovers do you have, Ge?”

Two stone-plastic figurines sat on the coffee table, crooked and misshapen, but the smiles on their faces were unmistakably clear.

Shu Xiao curved his lips, turned around, left the dishes for Shu Yan to wash, and waved a hand as he tossed back one final line.

“Just one. His name is Shu Yan.”