Chapter 121
Chapter 121
As Qiao Yu’s consciousness sank into darkness, he vaguely heard a familiar, irritable voice beside his ear.
“Fuck, why is he here again? And he drew the male lead! Aaaaargh, I’m using a Swap Card!”
[Ding-insufficient balance.]
“Please. Let me put it on credit.”
[Ding-this service is not available.]
After a long silence, the Scriptwriter Ghost seemed to accept its fate and decided to go down swinging. “Huff… then don’t blame me for killing him off in the opening scene!”
When the wrenching sensation of crossing into the Instance finally faded, Qiao Yu found himself still surrounded by complete darkness.
Puzzled, he cautiously reached out and felt around.
His hands struck wood on both sides with crisp knocks. It felt as though he were lying inside a square box… No. This was a coffin!
He had crawled out of a graveyard himself. How could he not know what this was?
So that stingy Scriptwriter Ghost really had killed him off the moment he appeared??
Forget Scriptwriter Ghost. It should just call itself the Stingy Ghost!
-Ohoho, the streamer is going live again already.
-I can’t tell if he’s cursed with terrible luck or blessed by the gods. How does he keep bouncing between the two? Hahaha.
-This set looks kind of familiar… Don’t tell me they’re trying to shoot that movie again?
-Sadako: Here I come. Once my darling’s movie is done, I’m watching it over and over in theaters.
-Sister Sadako, you probably won’t get the chance. Not one production of this movie has ever made it to a proper finish.
-Sadako: Impossible. With my darling there, it’ll definitely have a happy ending.
-Li Xiaoqin: I think it’ll have an ending, all right. Just not a happy one.
-Painted Skin: I hope it gets released. I dream of my bestie becoming a huge star. Then I’ll never have to worry about my credit card bill again~
[Viewer Director Zhou is very interested in your live stream and has spent a small number of Skill Points to light up a Fan Badge for the streamer.]
[Director Zhou has joined the streamer’s fan club. Congratulations! You have received a Deputy Director of Inpatient Services ID Badge from Director Zhou. This badge grants unrestricted access to the hospital and authority over any Ghost below the rank of deputy director. (Duration: one hour. Uses: three per Instance.)]
-Director, blink if you’re being held hostage.
-Director Zhou: I’m not.
-Good lord, the Ghost Heartthrob is working his charm again…
The sharp clap of a film slate suddenly sounded beside his ear.
“Imperial City Storm, scene one, take one-action!”
The coffin was not particularly soundproof. Almost at once, a piercing suona melody drifted in. Outside, the residence was packed with guests and overflowing with merriment.
The coffin lid above him suddenly shifted as if someone were struggling to push it open.
Amid a series of grating creaks, the first sliver of dim light shone inside. Qiao Yu abruptly felt the blood in his entire body congeal, leaving him utterly rigid.
Had he turned into a zombie??
That made no sense. His title still had time left. It should be another three hours before he became a zombie.
Still baffled, Qiao Yu was dragged out of the coffin by two expressionless men, one on either side.
Only his eyes could move. From the corners of them, he saw banquet tables filled with “people” and noticed what was wrong with the guests.
At every table, men, women, and even children all wore the exact same smile. Their heads slowly tracked the bridal sedan entering the gate, like puppets pulled by invisible strings.
The sedan stopped before the main entrance. A bride beneath a bright-red veil was helped down. A breeze stirred the candle flames on both sides and lifted one corner of the veil…
For some reason, a strange sense of dissonance rose inside Qiao Yu. Before he could work out why, the Ghost Matchmaker came striding toward him, waving a pink handkerchief. Half her face had rotted away. She reached out and straightened his slightly drooping head.
“Bring forth the spirit officials’ memorial tablets!”
Four people in servant uniforms approached, trembling as they carried two tablets. One glance was enough to identify them as fellow streamers.
Among them, Qiao Yu spotted two familiar figures.
No. 17 and No. 19.
No. 17 cut an impressive figure in his servant’s uniform. He really did have a pretty good build.
The adult No. 19, meanwhile, looked even more delicately androgynous than he had in the previous Instance. Dressed in an ill-fitting blue-gray cloth robe, he inexplicably gave off the air of a eunuch from the Eastern Depot.
It was… a baffling look~
Neither of them dared glance around. They set the memorial tablets on the blackwood table directly opposite the newlyweds, then hurried to stand somewhere they believed was safe.
Qiao Yu withdrew his gaze and looked at the two sinister tablets.
Fortune at First Sight-Xie Bi’an.
Peace Under Heaven-Fan Wujiu.
Well, well. The Black and White Impermanence?
Once everything was in place, the Ghost Matchmaker called, “Present the incense.”
The servants holding Qiao Yu immediately shoved three lit incense sticks into his hands and lifted both his arms.
“First bow-to Heaven and Earth.”
An icy hand suddenly clamped down on his neck and forced his head sharply downward.
“First kowtow, second kow-”
The Ghost Matchmaker’s voice stopped dead. Even on her rotting face, Qiao Yu could make out an expression of utter absurdity.
Following her gaze, he looked down and discovered that all three incense sticks in his hands had snapped cleanly and fallen to the floor.
Qiao Yu: “…”
So he really was some kind of monster, wasn’t he?
Even the underworld’s spirit officials refused to accept incense from him!
The surrounding clamor gradually faded. In its place were expressionless wooden-puppet figures on either side and white funeral streamers drifting in the wind. Every Ghost stared blankly at the scene as though someone had pressed pause.
After an unknown length of time, the Ghost Matchmaker abruptly flicked her handkerchief and repeated as though trapped in a loop, “Present the incense.”
“First bow-to Heaven and Earth.”
“First kowtow, second-”
Crack!
This time, the memorial tablets shattered.
Qiao Yu: “…”
-What the hell? What’s going on?!
-This production really is cursed. Every attempt is worse than the last.
-Things are already going wrong in the first scene?
-Painted Skin: Is my dream of my bestie becoming a superstar about to shatter too??
The bizarre interruption finally snapped the terrified streamers on set back to their senses. No. 17 and No. 19 stared in astonishment at Boss Qiao, who hung bonelessly between the men supporting him. Delight flashed through both their eyes.
They looked like terminal patients who had suddenly received a call from the hospital informing them that the lab had mixed up their results-a miraculous reprieve at death’s door.
“Present the incense.”
“Second bow-to the honored elder.”
Confusion flashed through Qiao Yu’s eyes as he was turned around by force.
Another memorial tablet stood there.
Enshrined: The late father, eleventh of the third generation of the Lou imperial clan, Lou Canghai.
Qiao Yu’s neck was forced down once more.
“First kowtow…”
Sure enough, something went wrong again!
The incense did not snap this time. Instead, its smoke began flowing backward.
Was he offering incense to the honored elder, or was the honored elder offering incense to him?!
This was beyond ridiculous!
The wedding banquet ground to another stalemate. The “bride” kneeling beside him shifted uneasily, seemingly curious about what had happened. For some reason, however, she did not lift her veil to peek.
Was her movement restricted too?
Fwish… The sound of a page turning suddenly reached his ears.
Immediately afterward, the stunned Ghost Matchmaker was the first to recover. She fluttered her handkerchief, abandoned the bows altogether, and declared, “The ceremony is complete!”
In an instant, the pin-drop silence vanished. The wedding banquet erupted back to life amid endless applause and cheers.
“Lift him!”
As though afraid anything else might go wrong, the two “puppet men” hoisted Qiao Yu up, practically threw him back into the coffin, then lifted it and ran.
The banquet continued behind them. The Ghost Matchmaker seemed to be carrying on with the ceremony and sang out, “The new bride will serve tea…”
After that, Qiao Yu heard nothing more. He had been carried into the desolate rear courtyard.
The servant Ghosts pressed him back into the coffin. One held a nail as thick as a finger; the other raised a heavy iron hammer.
Without the slightest warning, they moved to drive the nail straight through his leg.
What the fuck?
Qiao Yu’s eyes went round.
That Scriptwriter Ghost had no heart!