Chapter 9

Li Shuyun was dead.

She died on the eve of her wedding—and on the eve of mine.

I passed through the long covered galleries of the marquis’s estate and found Mother in the garden hall.

The jade rabbit from all those years ago sat beside her, covered in dust. When Mother saw me, she lifted her eyelids without expression.

Three years had passed. Most of the black hair at her temples had turned white, and her eyes were clouded, as though the force that had sustained her had been ripped away.

“So you can still bring yourself to return?” She laughed. “But of course. A County Lady has honored us with her presence. This old woman ought to bow.”

I did not move. Neither did Mother. She stared straight at me for a long while, then suddenly raised the jade rabbit and hurled it at me.

With a sharp crack, it shattered at my feet.

The last shred of hope in my heart shattered with it.

“I should never have given birth to you. I should never have had you!” she cried. “Yun’er only became ill after you were born. Your fate cursed hers!”

“She did not want that marriage. She wanted to marry Pei Mingjue. She could have anything she wanted, but you stole this one thing from her.”

“You stole everything from your sister. You drove her to her death!” Mother looked at me with something close to hatred. “How can you be so wicked?”

“I am not wicked. Li Shuyun was simply ill-fated.”

“Do you understand?” I stepped closer and held Mother’s gaze, enunciating every word. “Her fate was bad.”

“You said my destiny oppressed hers, so I changed my name to Li Xiaoman. What did I ever refuse to yield to her?”

“Everything that belonged to me, you gave to her. Everyone in this estate treated her like a treasure. She simply did not have the fortune to bear it.”

“Beast!” Mother’s chest heaved. She raised her hand to slap me.

“That again.” I caught her wrist in an iron grip. “Mother, I will never stand meekly and let you strike me again.”

Silence surrounded us. Nothing could be heard but our breathing. In Mother’s eyes, I saw myself.

How strange. A woman once bound to me by blood could hate me so completely.

“Mother.” I called to her, bewildered and lost. “Why do you hate me so much?”

“Because you killed her,” Mother murmured. “You killed your sister.”

“I should not have come.” I released her wrist and laughed at myself. “I knew this would happen, yet I was naive enough to hope.”

“In the second year after you changed my name, Li Shuyun’s health improved greatly. You remember that, don’t you?”

“Because she was getting better, you had attention to spare for me. Then what happened?”

“She fell ill again. She was narrow-minded and could tolerate no one else because your limitless indulgence had spoiled her rotten.”

“You killed her,” I said softly. “Li Shuyun died because of you.”

Mother’s hand began to shake violently. I watched her coldly for a long moment, then slowly stepped back, gathered my skirts, and knelt.

“We were mother and daughter once.” I raised the protective charm in both hands. “But affection ran shallow, and fate gave us little time.”

I kowtowed three times. “Today I repay the debt of birth. From this moment, we owe each other nothing.”

Warm blood flowed from my forehead and blurred my vision. I gently placed the protective charm in her palm. “Take care of yourself.”

I rose and left. I never looked back.

When I returned to the Grand Princess’s residence, Mama had been waiting beneath the gallery for a long time. The instant she saw me, she rushed forward and pulled me into her arms.

“My darling.” Her voice broke. Once we were inside and the blood had been cleaned away, she stroked my forehead. “Why would you not listen to Mama?”

“She has just lost her eldest daughter and is drowning in grief. If you visit now, she can only vent those feelings on you.”

“When she has recovered, she will recognize your goodness. You are her only remaining daughter. She will feel remorse and come to renew your bond as mother and daughter.”

“You silly girl.” Mama sighed and blew tenderly on my forehead. “She truly did not hold back.”

“Mama.” I nestled into the hollow of her neck and asked, “Why do you want her and me to become mother and daughter again?”

“Silly child,” the Grand Princess said. “Because I want more people to love you.”

“I don’t need them.” I nuzzled against her like a spoiled child. “I already have the best one.”

Mama laughed and rubbed her chin against the crown of my head. Her neck grew hot with embarrassment, and the warmth softened my heart.

Winter snow stretched without end, falling soft and silent, its whiteness glowing beneath the lamplight.

“Mama, shall we go to Jing’an Temple tomorrow and light a lamp for Sister?”

“All right. It is about time.”

“Mama, did Brother catch any fish today?”

“No. He went to the palace to keep His Majesty company. He should be home soon.”

“Mama, I don’t want to marry this year. Tell Brother to postpone it another two years.”

“Oh, go tell your brother yourself. Don’t use this old mother as your excuse.”

…

The long winter was over.

(The End)