Chapter 5

The day after I returned home,

the gatekeeper came to say Xie Ruo’an wanted to see me.

I had no wish to see him, so I sent back a refusal.

But seven or eight minutes later, the gatekeeper returned with a wooden box.

Inside was something I had once given Xie Ruo’an:

the eupatorium sachet I had embroidered myself.

Even after our betrothal ended, he had kept such a thing.

I drew a deep breath and went out after all.

I had not seen him in half a month. He stood with his hands behind his back. When he turned, his eyes were dark, and he could not hide the exhaustion on his face.

“Jingshu.”

He spoke my name quietly, a shadow passing through his eyes.

I stepped back.

Before his eyes, I cut the sachet to pieces and said sternly,

“Whatever you want, Marquis Xie, using this to threaten me is beneath a gentleman.”

His lips twitched, as though he could not understand. “Ever since the misunderstanding came to light, you seem to have found me hateful. But before that, we enjoyed each other’s company, did we not?”

I could hardly tell him that in another life I had already come to hate him to the bone. I kept silent.

He sighed softly. “Very well. I am here to ask a favor.”

With that, he bowed deeply.

“Please persuade your mother to adopt Chu Ying as a daughter, so that she can be married from the governor’s residence in Wu Commandery.”

“I have already spoken to your father. He says the decision rests entirely with you.”

I understood his purpose almost at once.

On my journey home, I had heard

that because he insisted on marrying Chu Ying, some of his advisers had already left to serve other lords.

If this arrangement succeeded, he could silence his critics.

I lowered my lashes, not agreeing immediately.

Once again, I asked him,

“What are you prepared to offer, Marquis Xie?”

After all, Chu Ying and I bore no real grudge against each other.

In my last life, she had never contacted Xie Ruo’an after marrying far away. In this life, too, she could be considered innocent.

An adoption could be a small matter or a great one.

Since my parents had left the decision to me,

I wanted as much in return as I could get.

And I knew perfectly well that the Cui clan had never aspired to rule the realm. In these troubled times, we wanted only to protect ourselves.

After a long silence,

Xie Ruo’an asked, “What do you want, my lady?”

I scarcely hesitated.

“I want you to swear that, whatever happens, you will never send troops against Wu Commandery as long as you live.”

Xie Ruo’an watched me for a moment. “Very well.”

He smiled bitterly.

“Believe it or not, I would never have gone that far against Wu Commandery anyway.”

Of course I did not believe him.

Only he could know how much truth there was in that claim.

Father chose an auspicious day.

Mother led Chu Ying in paying respects to our ancestors, then had her name hung in the ancestral hall.

And so Chu Ying became my adopted sister.

She moved into our residence.

When her wedding day came, an escort from Wu Commandery would accompany her to Marquis Xie’s lands.

Mother did not mistreat her.

In food, clothing, lodgings, and transport, everything was provided to the same standard as mine.

Learning that she had lost her mother in childhood, that apart from her early calligraphy lessons her stepmother had deliberately left her ignorant, and that she knew nothing of managing a household,

Mother hired tutors especially for her.

Xie Ruo’an wanted this, too.

But that was all we could do.

The governor’s residence was large.

Chu Ying’s rooms were far from mine. Sometimes we would not see each other for days.

Even so, I did run into her a few times.

Beside pavilions over the water, the beautiful woman would lean against a railing and gaze into the distance, sorrow in her face. The carefree innocence of our first meeting was gone.

Once, she called me back.

A little lost, she asked,

“Everyone says Marquis Xie loves me deeply, that he is securing a place for me only so that we can be together. But is everything he does truly for my sake?”

For some time, she had endured the disdain of the Xie advisers.

As she asked this, she held books with titles such as Admonitions for Women and Instructions for Women.

They taught her to be humble and compliant, to manage a household and its affairs.

But they could give her no answer.

I did not know how to answer, either.

She sighed and asked no more.

Xie Ruo’an came to visit her when he could.

I met him once while going to see Father.

He had brought Chu Ying the magnolias she loved.

I looked straight ahead and was about to leave.

But he spoke in a low voice.

“I went south on business not long ago and met Xu Xingzhi.”

“He has some looks and some talent as a general, but his household can hardly compare with the wealth and grandeur of an old noble clan. Do you like him so much that you’re willing to suffer at his side?”

I had no wish to argue.

After a pause, I said, “Yes.”

His lips tightened, and he swept away.