Chapter 3

I named some horses and military supplies we needed.

His eyes darkened. After a long while, he actually smiled.

“Very well. I owe you, after all.”

A few pieces of jewelry in exchange for army supplies.

I was in an excellent mood.

Mother said no more about it, either.

“Let’s go elsewhere,” she said. “I know someone in the east of the city who makes fine bridal jewelry.”

Mother had always had good taste.

I smiled and nodded.

I told my maid to hand the jewelry to Xie Ruo’an and was about to leave.

But he suddenly caught my sleeve. “Wait.”

I frowned instinctively, my voice turning cold.

“What is the meaning of this, Marquis Xie?”

Almost at once,

a guard at my side drew his sword and laid it against Xie Ruo’an’s shoulder.

He did not move.

He only stared at me.

After a long time, he asked, the words coming with difficulty,

“You’re getting married?”

“To whom?”

For an instant, the clinging, unspeakable misery of my former life swept over me.

I wanted to kill him.

He had left in a hurry, with only two or three trusted men beside him.

They, too, had drawn their swords and were glaring at my guards.

I could easily have ended his life with one stroke.

This was Wu Commandery, Cui territory. People died every day in this world—from famine, drought, and the upheaval of displacement. One middling lord scarcely seemed to matter.

But

it was not worth it.

He was not worth plunging Wu Commandery into war before its time.

Troubled times bred heroes in abundance.

Without Xie Ruo’an, I would have one fewer enemy I understood. All the rest would be unknown.

In the end,

I pulled my sleeve free and said evenly,

“Yes. But it has nothing to do with you, Marquis Xie.”

The swords returned to their scabbards.

Before getting into the carriage, I gave him one last glance.

He was still standing there,

watching me with unreadable eyes.

The Xie clan had many retainers.

Before long,

Xie Ruo’an learned that I was to marry Xu Xingzhi.

And so, along with the horses and provisions, came a letter in Marquis Xie’s own hand.

It said

that Xu Xingzhi was a man of low origins, coarse in temperament and conduct, hardly a suitable husband for a noblewoman.

He urged Father not to marry me off so hastily. There were many gifted young men in his own lands and among the princes and lords he knew. He would carefully look for a match for me, to make amends for his mistake.

But I had already met Xu Xingzhi.

Those were merely slanders the great clans used to discredit him.

At the riverbank in my previous life, mist had swirled around us as he personally escorted Mother and me aboard a boat, then forced his men to apologize one by one.

Clad in armor, he made an awkward attempt at a formal bow.

But he sounded deeply embarrassed.

“My men were thoughtless. I’m sorry they frightened you.”

From beginning to end, he had hardly dared look at me.

Only later did I learn that Xu Xingzhi had released countless elderly people, women, and children over the years.

His men had been tempted to act again only because I was Marquis Xie’s wife. That had shamed him.

Under the same circumstances, another man would probably have said, “Those who achieve great things cannot fret over trifles.”

Then he would have exacted a heavy price.

But that was in another life.

Father knew nothing of it.

On the contrary, everyone knew Marquis Xie’s word was as good as gold.

If he had mentioned princes and lords, he must have been fairly certain of his prospects.

For a moment, I watched Father anxiously.

To my surprise,

after reading the letter, he scoffed and tossed it into the brazier.

He had once thought highly of this younger man, praising his noble character and predicting great things for him.

Now he said, “A mere boy. Not fit to make plans with!”

Only then did I learn

that Chu Ying’s family was insignificant. She had neither armies to support her nor the respected name of an old scholarly clan, and could offer little to his ambitions.

The Xie advisers objected to the match, deeming her unfit to be their lord’s wife.

Xie Ruo’an had quarreled bitterly with them and was still overwhelmed by the dispute.

Father said

that riding a thousand miles for a beauty had made a fine story, but now he had taken it too far.

For this to happen before she had even entered his household—

however sincerely Xie Ruo’an loved her, Chu Ying’s life was unlikely to be easy.

Yet I felt no satisfaction.

Life was hard in this world, especially for women.

In my past life, I had striven and schemed, and Marquis Xie had disliked me for it. Now she was innocent and carefree, yet failed to command respect and was even reviled.

It seemed that as a daughter or a wife,

whatever a woman did, people found fault. Happiness was hard to come by.