Chapter 1

Xie Ruo’an froze, but did not take my words seriously.

Instead, he stepped closer, amusement in his voice.

“Then tell me, Ah Shu: if I am not to marry you, whose daughter should I marry?”

I could hardly blame him for reacting that way.

Months earlier, we had already exchanged our birth details and found them auspicious. Heaven and earth would bear witness to a splendid match.

We had met in private a few times, too, warming wine, brewing tea, and talking with ease.

Not long ago, he had gone away on business.

Before leaving, he had made a point of giving me the Xie clan’s jade disc, which authorized me to command his advisers and private troops. In return, I had given him a sachet of fragrant eupatorium to remind him of me.

In everyone’s eyes, we were already betrothed.

But it was all a mistake.

I stepped back with a quiet sigh.

“The woman who exchanged letters on bamboo slips with you for two months was not me. It was Chu Ying of Langya.”

“We studied calligraphy under the same teacher. You found the wrong woman.”

In my previous life, Xie Ruo’an had been mindful of a young woman’s reputation.

He had not mentioned the letters when we first met.

Only after our wedding, when he led his army north,

had he met Chu Ying, who had married and already been widowed.

The beautiful woman wept, anguish in every word.

“My dear Xie, you betrayed me.”

Only then did he realize he had married the wrong woman.

He had given the honors and affection intended for Chu Ying to me, a stranger to it all.

But by then,

I was already pregnant, and my family had become deeply tied to the Xie clan.

Xie Ruo’an could only take her as his sworn sister.

He found her a good match and carried her to her bridal sedan himself.

Before they parted, Chu Ying could not let go of her resentment.

“If there is another life, don’t mistake me for someone else again.”

The corners of Xie Ruo’an’s eyes reddened, too. “I won’t.”

One marriage, and none of the three of us was happy.

Now I had a chance to put things right.

I raised a hand, telling my maid to return every gift Xie Ruo’an had given me during these past months.

He stood rigid, still trying to speak.

I said quietly,

“Chu Ying’s stepmother dislikes her. She is forcing her to marry a common soldier.”

“If you don’t leave now, Marquis Xie, you may lose the woman you love.”

A few days later,

I heard that Marquis Xie had ridden two swift horses to death to rescue his beloved.

Everyone praised the depth of his devotion.

As for me,

I was merely a small mishap in this beautiful tale.

I served to make Xie Ruo’an seem all the more noble: a man unmoved by beauty or power.

That night, rain lashed down and the wind howled.

Father smashed a teacup.

Mother bowed her head and wiped away tears.

They asked if I could truly accept this.

Marquis Xie kept his promises. Even if he had mistaken me for someone else, I could still have lived a happy life.

Why expose his mistake when he came to propose, and destroy the marriage?

Outside the window, wind battered the plantain leaves.

“I can,” I said softly.

In my last life, I, too, had thought Xie Ruo’an a gentleman as flawless as jade.

After Chu Ying married far away, they never saw each other again.

I bore him a son, and we lived in harmony, weathering seven years of turmoil together.

Then, one night after a banquet,

he was drunk, and I helped him back to our room to rest.

The moon stood high in the sky.

He watched me for a long time, then suddenly brushed my hand aside, his voice full of regret.

“Jingshu, why did I never notice before how calculating you are?”

I went still.

He had returned in triumph that evening, and the banquet was full of renowned warriors. To win people to his cause, I had moved among the ladies of the clans, treated his subordinates with courtesy, and sought alliances.

And he called it calculating.

As though some instinct had guided me,

I went into his study and soon discovered

that he had never forgotten Chu Ying at all.

A letter on silk arrived from Langya every fortnight.

He had left spies there to report on her life.

Far from the fighting, she was innocent, lively, and doing well.

She loved magnolias, so Xie Ruo’an had people seek out rare varieties and send them to her in secret.

When a family slighted her, they were driven out soon afterward.

Over the years, whenever Xie Ruo’an acquired rare jewels, he would send Chu Ying a share to match mine, saying he was simply looking after his sworn sister.

Such steadfast, unspoken devotion.

I lifted the jade disc and smashed it.

Xie Ruo’an sighed. His eyes showed neither sorrow nor joy.

He merely asked, very calmly,

“Jingshu, are you really going to quarrel with me over something like this?”

“Yes,” I said.

From then on, Xie Ruo’an and I were estranged.

My parents urged me to reconsider. He had done nothing wrong, they said.

Even the child I had carried for ten months could not understand me.

Xie Ruo’an had raised him well.

His schooling had begun at four. Now, at just six, he was already composed and self-contained, with the refined integrity of bamboo and orchids.

He said his mother already had so much. Why could she not be a little more forgiving toward his father?

He treated me so well. He kept no concubines and had no interest in other beauties. All he had was one unattainable moon in his heart. Could I not even allow him that?

Only then did I understand.

A gentle blade could cut the heart to pieces.

Grief festered inside me. I was only thirty-five when I died.

Meanwhile, Lady Ying of Langya, whose life had gone so smoothly, was said to look as young as a maiden still.

To give up a life like that—

I was more than willing.