Chapter 4

Xu Xingzhi and I were to marry the following spring.

I heard he had consulted a great many people before settling on an auspicious date, favorable for every undertaking.

Before the Double Ninth Festival,

his mother invited me to stay on the other bank for a while.

Betrothed couples were not bound by strict rules of separation these days.

I wanted to see the situation across the river for myself, so I said farewell to my parents and set off south with my guards.

When I disembarked, Xu Xingzhi was there to meet me with his men.

For some reason, he seemed awkward throughout. He even stumbled getting off his horse.

Everyone laughed.

I looked at him through the thin gauze of my veiled hat.

For no particular reason, I remembered that in my previous life, he had never married.

He gave a little cough.

In a low voice, he told me about his family.

His father had died young. His mother was kind, and he had a ten-year-old brother named Xu Zhiyuan.

They had only adopted their present names after rising in the world.

Perhaps they understood all too well how damaging their reputation as uncultured upstarts could be.

When I arrived at the Xu residence, a whole courtyard of tutors was chasing a boy, droning lessons at him as though chanting scripture.

Unable to bear any more, Xu Zhiyuan scrambled up a tree, shouting.

His mother knocked him down with a water dipper.

I stayed with the Xu family for half a month.

His mother and I made festival cakes with mugwort, wore sprigs of cornel, and brewed chrysanthemum wine.

Xu Xingzhi even stole a few jars of wine behind his elder brother’s back, declaring that he and I would drink until we dropped.

The great northern clans all called the Xu family uncouth.

To me, they had a rare simplicity and sincerity.

Xu Xingzhi most of all.

He had the people’s support and understood naval warfare, showing considerable talent as a commander.

In my last life, besides needing time to let his people recover, his unfamiliarity with the terrain of the Central Plains had probably kept him from advancing north.

As it happened, I had spent seven years campaigning with Xie Ruo’an. Watching Xu Xingzhi drill his army, I could not resist offering a few observations.

His adviser’s eyes lit up, and he was about to discuss them with me.

Then Xu Xingzhi suddenly sighed.

He gazed at me, his eyes grave.

I froze.

All at once, I remembered the way Xie Ruo’an had looked at me in my past life.

Would Xu Xingzhi’s next words also accuse me of being calculating?

I even decided that if he dared say it, I would drug him, gradually taking power into my own hands.

But he only looked at me.

With a trace of sadness, he asked,

“How much have you suffered, my lady, to understand these things even better than I do?”

I turned my face away, and tears poured down my cheeks.

A few days later, Xu Xingzhi escorted me back to Wu Commandery himself.

Local specialties and rare gifts filled an entire boat.

Xu Zhiyuan even tried to stow himself away among them.

He said my lessons were far more interesting than his tutors’, and he could not bear to see me go.

His mother was more restrained. She simply kept stuffing food she had made into my bags.

In either of my lives,

I had rarely known such warmth.

My parents loved each other and treated me kindly, but everything was governed by propriety.

Our greatest intimacy had been when I rested my head on Mother’s lap before my wedding and we talked quietly into the night.

And later, as a marchioness, there had been a household to manage. I had to be gracious and dignified, forever examining my conduct…

It had been so very long

since anyone had treated me as a child who needed care.

Xu Xingzhi looked a little embarrassed.

“Please forgive them. They’re so fond of you.”

I shook my head.

Quite seriously, I said,

“They’re lovely.”