Chapter 157
Chapter 157
[Here it comes! Finally! I stayed up all night just for this Xiao Xi!]
[Corporate slacker Ning Xi! Online!]
[Go go go! Let’s move out!]
“Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-”
As the alarm blared, the red curtain onstage slowly drew open.
Wearing a purple off-shoulder top, Ning Xi turned off the alarm, sat at her desk, and leisurely crossed her legs.
“Work, work, pockets hurt. Alarm goes off, time to clock in for more dirt.”
“My dream job is actually working the cremator at a funeral home. The boss basically never drops by, and the clients don’t talk. If a client does talk, you just turn up the heat.”
“But in reality, I became a trainee lawyer! Over the past year, whoever bullied me got to bully me! Whoever asked me to work, I did their work! Whoever rushed me, I did their work first!”
Right on cue, a beam of light fell on the window prop behind Ning Xi. A man’s handsome side profile appeared on the screen, sculpted to such impossible perfection that the audience and viewers online couldn’t help crying out.
[What’s up, Xie Lanchen’s profile, that nose-debut already, I’m not even joking]
[If I had a Xiao Xie this handsome as my boss, I’d even be willing to drive luxury cars and live in a mansion]
[Bro doesn’t want to suffer even a little]
Onstage.
Xie Lanchen’s cool, low voice sounded from inside the office. “Xiao Ning, that thing I forgot to tell you about last night-did you handle it?”
Ning Xi raised her hand. “All done, boss! But I forgot what it was I handled!”
“…”
After the little interlude ended, Ning Xi stood and continued,
“It’s been a year since I started working. The monthly salary that hits my bank card is roughly equal to my boss’s conscience value-so small it’s like an ex’s conscience, so rare it could apply for UNESCO intangible cultural heritage.
“This year, I’ve been pathetic, pathetic, and pathetic. If anyone makes me mad, I’ll just keep working, fluffily and pathetically. Who would’ve thought? Who would’ve thought that I, a proper lawyer, would usually have to tutor my boss’s niece on her homework after school!!!”
The office door slid open with a whoosh.
Xie Lanchen-Boss Xie-walked out in a full suit, his steps steady and composed. His white shirt made his perfectly proportioned figure look even more outstanding.
He lifted the Chinese workbook in his hand and looked at Ning Xi, the corners of his lips curved in a not-quite-smile. “This is the homework you helped Lili with last week?”
Ning Xi glanced at the contents of the workbook and nodded.
Boss Xie took a deep breath. “Then let me ask you! How do you explain the idiom ‘the capable do more work’?”
“It means only capable people get to eat McDonald’s.”
“Then what about ‘be grateful and virtuous’?”
“You have to be grateful to everyone who takes you to KFC.”
[Pfft]
[??? Then ‘rise and dance at the crow of the rooster’ means: when you smell KFC, find a friend and ask for money, at least fifty?]
[Congratulations, you have successfully learned nothing]
Boss Xie took a deep breath. He seemed to endure it.
But when he looked at the next question, he couldn’t endure it anymore.
“And this classical Chinese line, ‘Wu qi zhi mei wo zhe, si wo ye’-you translated this too?”
Lawyer Ning took the workbook, scratching her head like an idiot. “‘Wu qi zhi mei wo zhe, si wo ye’-I translated it as: anyone prettier than my wife, please DM me. Boss, is that wrong?”
“Is that right?!” Boss Xie nearly fainted.
But he fainted too soon.
Because there was still one blank question.
“‘Why did Qu Yuan drown himself in the river?’ Why didn’t you answer this one?”
Lawyer Ning nervously swallowed. “Boss, I really don’t know this one! It’s not like I pushed Qu Yuan in! I’m just a trainee lawyer who’s only been graduated for twelve months! I really don’t know nothin’ about a murder case like this!”
“…”
Right on cue, Jiang Sheshe, playing the secretary Shirley, came onstage.
Boss Xie looked at Shirley. “Shirley, you tell Xiao Ning. Why did Qu Yuan drown himself in the river?”
Secretary Jiang turned pale with shock. “What? Qu Yuan drowned himself in a river? When did that happen? Was it near our company? Boss, how did you know about this? Is Qu Yuan your friend?”
Boss Xie: “…”
Where did HR recruit this bunch of illiterates from?
Boss Xie stormed off in anger.
Lawyer Ning watched her boss’s furious back. “That was just an accident. Normally, I’m someone with very high emotional intelligence.”
As she spoke, she sniffed, then looked toward Jiang Sheshe’s feet under the table.
“Hello, Shirly. Your feet smell so special. Can you tell me the formula?”
Secretary Jiang’s lips were trembling. “Y-y-you…”
Lawyer Ning nodded to herself in gratified summary. “That’s right. This is what having high emotional intelligence looks like.”
After that, Lawyer Ning demonstrated her sky-high EQ with a few more examples.
When facing a coworker who didn’t flush the toilet-
“Mary, is the pee you left in the toilet still useful? If not, I’ll flush it for you, okay?”
When facing a coworker who farted-
“You’re amazing. You can whistle with your butt! Love it! Do another one!”
…
#Ning Xi Workplace Slacker#
#What Time Would You Go Home With A Boss Like Xie Lanchen#
#Ning Xi: I Didn’t Push Qu Yuan In#
#Jiang Sheshe Has A Knack For Playing A Fool#
All sorts of topics shot straight onto the trending searches.
The number of viewers in the livestream room also climbed rapidly. Everyone had come to watch Ning Xi do absurdist comedy.
Sure, the persona and content were wicked, but it felt so good!
These days, who didn’t have a little touch-and-go insanity inside them?
Besides-
Who could resist someone chatting with you about poop, pee, and farts?
[Once poop, pee, and farts come up, everyone has a great time]
[Ning Xi, doing absurdist bits with a face that gorgeous]
[Who would dare imagine this? Who would dare? Never thought I’d see the day]
[She’s ridiculously adorable!!!!]
[Wait, the livestream view count broke one hundred million??? One hundred million??? That’s a record, right?]
[Ning Xi, who knew you had this many troops behind you]
Director Qin had been leisurely drinking tea, but when he saw the viewer count, his mouth dropped open in shock, and water streamed out of it like Lanzhou hand-pulled noodles.
It broke one hundred million?
The view count had actually broken one hundred million?!
The assistant director clicked his tongue beside him too. “After Ning Xi appeared, the viewer count shot up by a huge chunk. This popularity, this heat-it’s scary as hell!”
They knew Ning Xi was popular, but they hadn’t known she was this popular.
By herself, she had turned You Are My Blessing-the first friendship reality dating show that was still feeling its way forward-into the first livestream variety show in online broadcast history to surpass one hundred million concurrent viewers.
And Ning Xi’s fans truly were troops who had followed Ning Xi for years.
Noticing that new viewers had been drawn into the livestream room by the skit, they enthusiastically explained the positioning of You Are My Blessing to them.
[A variety show that judges whether two people are friendship or love? Kind of interesting. Going to catch up on the earlier episodes now]
[I came over because Ning Xi was trending. With a face like that, what else is there to say? I’m giving Xiangcheng to her]
[Hehe, I was also lured in by Ning Xi’s face. What is she babbling about? I want to kiss her]
[Especially her eyes, they’re so bright and sparkly. She’s likable just to look at]
[Yes, yes, especially when she talks. She has this vibrant life force about her, and you can’t help being drawn in by her expressions. The more you watch, the more you like her. I’m officially in the pit]
Seeing Danmaku like that, Ning Xi’s fans skillfully began recommending all kinds of beautiful photos of Ning Xi in the comments.
This Puppy Ning was beautiful and funny. Investing in her was a guaranteed win!
Ning Xi’s fan count exploded, and public attention reached an unprecedented high.
Some longtime fans who had originally been quite baffled by Ning Xi joining a reality dating show finally let it go at this moment.
Although Ning Xi had never spoken about her current situation, as the fans who paid the closest attention to her movements, how could they not know that she hadn’t released any new work in half a year and had only been doing commercial performances and ad shoots?
When she finally officially announced a variety show, it turned out to be a friendship reality dating show about romance, and the friend she had invited, Fu Zhi, was even more confusing.
Some fans didn’t understand. But out of trust in Ning Xi, they had voluntarily done what they always used to do: fight back against haters for Ning Xi, promote Ning Xi in the Danmaku, and let more viewers understand Ning Xi.
Because they had always believed that the girl who once practiced dancing alone until dawn on a talent show, who debuted in the center position by a landslide through sheer personal charm and hard work, and who said on debut night that they would “go somewhere higher and farther together,” would not become someone who only cared about making quick money.
-They still hadn’t reached the higher, farther summit. How could she give up halfway?
And now, look. The summit had come again.