Chapter 6

Chapter 6

“Yueying, Yunnong is far along in her pregnancy now. Help her manage the household, will you?”

“Yueying, Yunnong just gave birth. You’re close with her, so go visit her more often.”

“Yueying, Yunnong got angry with me today. Tell me, why has she become so petty after becoming a mother?”

“Yueying, look. Yunnong made these clothes for me. As expected, she understands me best.”

He chattered on and on to me about the woman he loved. And all I could do was agree, nod, or smile politely.

Faced with my indifference, he also knew I was not jealous. But one day, a trace of guilt appeared on his face, and as if he had taken the wrong medicine, he reached out and took my hand.

“Yueying, don’t overthink it. I was just trying to find something to talk about. You never really pay me any attention. In my impatience, I thought since you and Yunnong are on good terms, and you often go together to pay respects to Imperial Father and Royal Mother, hold the children, and chat, perhaps I could use that to ease things between us.”

Yes, as unromantic as ever, I pulled my hand free and told him, “Your Highness is overthinking it. I would never be unhappy with Your Highness because of the Crown Princess. The two of you are deeply devoted to each other, and I can only offer my blessings. As for us, Your Highness, I am your Side Consort and the birth mother of your daughter. That is our relationship. What is there to ease?”

After hearing this, his expression grew complicated, and I could not decipher it. I only felt an inexplicable trace of disappointment.

Then he slowly said, “I have already told you very clearly that I deeply regret what happened that night. I have put aside the dignity of the Crown Prince several times and come here only to be rebuffed by you. Is that still not sincere enough?”

He sighed and continued, “At first, I was somewhat angry. I felt you were refusing to let things go even after winning the argument. I felt you were making a fuss over nothing. But I also knew I was in the wrong, so I could not lose my temper. Later, I told Yunnong about it. She said you had been a favored daughter of heaven since childhood, so how could you possibly endure such a grievance? She told me to apologize to you. But you ignored me. You became even more distant from me instead.”

The moment I heard the phrases refusing to let things go and making a fuss over nothing, I could no longer hear anything that came after. My mind was filled only with thoughts of how I would defy him in a moment. What right did he have to say that? Just because he was the lofty Crown Prince? Just because I was a woman forced upon him?

Then he said, “But later, Chan’er was born. In my heart, I love her even a little more than Zhiyi. She resembles me, and she is my first child. So I secretly resolved that I would obtain your forgiveness no matter what. I don’t want you to spend your whole life feeling that you conceived her on a mistaken night. Our child was not an accident. She was heaven’s will.”

Yunnong. Chan’er. Not a single word he said was for my sake. My heart went cold, but I had no intention of venting any of it at him.

I answered him, “Your Highness, Chan’er is not your child alone. I will never think of her as a mistake. She is the best gift heaven has given me, the person I love most in this life, and my hope for the rest of my days. Your Highness, I have never longed for your love. Nor will I ever long for it. As for my attitude, I do not think it has anything to do with my background. It is simply because of one thing: I am a living, breathing person. I can feel pain. I can feel sorrow.”

When he heard this, his brows immediately furrowed. Faced with my refusal to bow my head, I thought he would fly into a rage, or leave with a cold laugh. But he merely let out a long sigh and said something that, to me, was utterly inexplicable.

“Actually, I hoped you would long for it.”

I was deeply puzzled when I heard that, yet I also seemed to understand. He wanted to exchange my acceptance for his peace of mind. He wanted a woman’s resignation to let him continue living a life of adoration.

What a pity. I refused.

To be honest, he truly was not a bad person. He was just laughably selfish.

That day’s conversation ended unhappily once again. By the end, I did not even want to go through the motions of humoring him. He did not come to see me again for a month, and I did not bother to wonder why.