Chapter 2
Ever since I stole Second Brother’s line, he couldn’t stand the sight of me.
Especially after he discovered I ate even more than he did at a single meal.
He made snide remarks all day long.
“All you do is hang in trees and hiss in the dark.
“You don’t lift a finger, and you eat that much.
“Must be nice, having connections.”
Then I took human form.
Second Brother fell silent. Peace descended upon him. Human words began to emerge from his pig’s mouth. “Junior Sister, that tree looks perfect for you to hang from. Want your brother to lift you up?
“All that hard work must have worn you out. How about another bowl of rice?
“Really, what was Bodhisattva Guanyin thinking? She should have waited until the eightieth trial to have you join us.”
…Beautifully put. Go on.
But Tang Sanzang told me to turn back into a snake, on the grounds that monks must keep their distance from women.
?
I’d changed my appearance, not my sex, you know.
Once I was a snake again, I coiled around Tang Sanzang’s neck.
Strangely enough, he had no objection.
So this was the fanfiction Tang Sanzang?
This shameless?
Had the bald monk succumbed to earthly desire?
Well, he was Tang Sanzang in a fanfic. Any depraved thing he did would be perfectly plausible.
I could only offer him earnest advice every day. “Our duty is to fetch the scriptures and attain enlightenment.
“Physical beauty is fleeting.
“A monk must guard his mind.”
Tang Sanzang: “?”
It wasn’t until the fifth day that I finally realized.
He really did want me for my body.
Literally.
It was too hot.
He was using me as a popsicle to cool himself down…
Sorry. This expendable supporting character had got ideas far above her station…
Then the weather grew hotter and hotter.
All four of them crowded around to stroke me.
They rubbed my scales so smooth they shone.
…Did being in a fanfic give them permission to be this perverse?
I had thought I could coast the whole way, throwing out my line every now and then.
Unfortunately, I kept shouting so promptly that Eldest Brother beat the demons off before they could catch Master.
After this happened a few times,
the demons decided to catch me first.
It took no effort whatsoever.
Even the demon was surprised. “How are you easier to catch than Tang Sanzang?”
“Lin Xiao, you…” I began.
Sorry. As the weakest kind of demon in the world of Journey to the West,
I was sorry to have been born a demon at all.
The demon started boiling water.
I cried in anguish, “Snakies are so cute! Why would you eat snakies?!”
“Seriously,” said the demon, “do you have no self-awareness whatsoever?”
I did not.
Just as I had no idea whether the others would come to rescue me.
I really didn’t have much faith in this fanfic’s handsome version of Sun Wukong.
So I started making friends with the demon.
“Actually, I barely know those guys.
“I’m new.
“They were going to beat me to death if I didn’t join them.
“How about I join you instead, then help you catch Tang Sanzang?”
The demon thought that made excellent sense. He actually sealed our oath with a high five.
I was deeply moved. Fanfic demons were so easy to fool!
“Your Majesty, you’re so clever and powerful. So much better than Sun Wukong!
“All he ever does is stroke me…
“All four of them stroke me together…”
The demon was appalled. His jaw dropped.
“Shameless lechers!” He slammed a hand on the table, bristling with rage. “Together, we’ll overthrow Sun Wukong! And eat Tang Sanzang’s flesh!”
Tears filled my eyes as I joined in. “Down with Sun Wukong! Eat Tang Sanzang’s flesh!”
At that very moment, the wall beside us exploded. As the mountain shook, a figure walked out of the billowing dust.
His features were sharp and cold, the lifted corners of his eyes radiating arrogance. His golden-hooped staff rested casually across his shoulder as he slanted a look at me. “Little Sister.
“Who are you overthrowing?
“Whose flesh are you eating?”
Me, with my arm slung companionably around the demon.
The demon and his minions, all worked up in righteous fury.
We stared at the newcomer, froze, and then, as if of one mind, sank into an uncanny silence.
Guys, wasn’t this YOUR headquarters…?
Why were you going quiet? Go fight him!
Forget it. I quietly lowered my raised fist.
Suddenly, the demon beside me shoved me forward. “She said it. Nothing to do with us.”
Me: “?”
Where had my simple, gullible demon buddy gone?
Turned out I was the clown all along…
Eldest Brother raised a brow at me.
I laughed. “Brother, I was tricking them.
“Don’t tell me I happened to trick you too!”
He planted his golden-hooped staff beside him and glanced at me. “Almost.”
My legs gave out, and I was about to drop to my knees when he swept his staff across in front of me, lifted me with it, and hung me straight over the shaft.
I obligingly resumed my true form and coiled around it.
He swept a glance over the demons. “Anyone backing you?”
Their leader swallowed. “Depends whether we can beat you.
“If we can’t, then yes.”
Schrödinger’s powerful backers…