Chapter 8

Xie Heng was so good to me. The moment I asked, he told the driver to turn toward my home.

Before entering the palace, I had lived with my parents and brother in a cramped house down an alley. It was too narrow for the carriage.

I asked Xie Heng to wait while I went in alone.

He watched me quietly for a moment. “All right. I won’t go in. But I worry about your safety. May Fu Ningquan accompany you?”

Fu Ningquan was Eunuch Fu.

I agreed and patted his hand reassuringly. “Don’t worry. I’ll be back soon.”

Eunuch Fu came with me. We crossed the wet stone paving and stopped before the faded gate.

It was not closed. Pushing it open, I saw Mother standing in the dilapidated courtyard, gripping something.

Her brows drew together at the sight of me, and she began scolding as always. “Xiaocao, why aren’t you serving the young master? What are you doing home?”

She strode over and reached to twist my ear. Eunuch Fu stepped in front of me. “Stop.”

Years at Xie Heng’s side had given him a commanding presence. Clearly intimidated, Mother hesitantly lowered her hand. “Who are you?”

With a perfectly upright expression, he said, “I serve the young master.”

He had learned the essence of Xie Heng’s acting. Mother suspected nothing. Wiping her hands on her skirt with a fawning smile, she asked whether I had done something wrong.

“If Xiaocao misbehaves, beat her and discipline her as you like. Great households have many rules. I know that. The young master even let us stay at another residence for two days recently. He’s so good to our Xiaocao. We’re not unreasonable people…”

Eunuch Fu listened silently. Finally he said, “I’ve accompanied Miss Xiaocao because she has something to ask.”

Mother turned and glared at me.

“If my brother had been born first,” I asked, “would you still have had me?”

Her face hardened. “What kind of question is that?”

“Just answer me.”

I stared into her eyes. It angered her, but with Eunuch Fu there, she dared not strike me.

Avoiding my gaze, she said, “Of… of course. After your father and I are gone, someone will have to look after your brother.”

At last I smiled. “So that’s it.”

So that was it.

Qi Yuchen said my body came from my parents.

But what if they had never wanted me in the first place?

To them, I existed to do the work, to be sold when they could not make ends meet, and to care for my brother after they died.

They had brought me into the world, but had never liked me.

That was why I could not eat the precious eggs. Why my brother could cut me with a woodcutting knife, but I could not touch him. Why I had been sold for fifty taels to become Qi Yuchen’s concubine.

Why should I be grateful?

I turned and said softly to Eunuch Fu, “Let’s go.”

He went out first. I had taken only one step when Mother caught my skirt and lowered her voice. “Xiaocao, if you’re allowed home, the young master must be very fond of you. Your father and I want to send your brother to school. Do you have money?”

I stopped and looked back.

She raised her eyes toward the hairpin in my hair with naked greed. “Jewelry will do too.”

I pulled out the gilded silver hairpin Qi Yuchen had given me, thrust it into her hand, and left without looking back.

The carriage was still waiting at the mouth of the alley.

Xie Heng smiled when he saw me. “Finished asking, Sangsang?”

I nodded, then threw myself into his arms and sniffed. “Xie Heng, I understand now. From the day I was born, neither here nor in the chancellor’s house have I ever had a home.”

His hand tightened suddenly against my back. “Little Fusang…”

“But after meeting you, I feel that the palace is my home.”

He was silent for a moment, then held me tightly. His gentle voice was full of reassurance.

“Then let me take you home.”

Having prepared the ground sufficiently, I sat up and said quietly, “Actually, when Mother sold me to the chancellor’s household, she meant me to become Qi Yuchen’s concubine.”

Xie Heng raised an eyebrow, a gleam of interest in his eyes. “Little Fusang, was everything you just said leading up to that?”

“Of course not,” I declared righteously.

I was already feeling guilty.

He was more perceptive than I had imagined.

But I was only afraid he would mind.

Because in that moment, I realized I was even less willing to part from him than I had thought.