Chapter 3

Back at Xuanling Palace, Juxia went to put the pastries in the little kitchen. I was sitting alone when someone pushed open the door.

I thought it was Juxia, but it was an unfamiliar maid.

She walked straight over, put a jeweled hair ornament in my hand, and said quietly, “Put one pellet from inside this into His Majesty’s tea every three days.”

I held the ornament and stared at her without speaking.

She stared back.

After a while, she asked impatiently, “Do you understand?”

“I understand,” I said. “Is this the young master’s order?”

“Yes.”

I pushed it back toward her. “Then tell him I don’t want to.”

“Your parents and brother are in our hands.” Her eyes turned vicious. “Refuse, and your whole family may pay with their lives!”

Just then, Juxia hurried through the door. The maid quickly lowered her head and softened her voice. “Would My Lady like jasmine tea? I’ll brew some at once.”

Juxia came beside me and said quietly, “My Lady, His Majesty summons you to the imperial study.”

The emperor’s sedan chair carried me there, swaying all the way.

A young eunuch led me to the desk, where the emperor was standing with his head bent over something he was writing.

Sunlight filtered through the thin paper windows, leaving patches of light and shadow on him.

His black robe showed how slender he was. With that pale face, he looked like a fragile beauty fashioned from glass.

Suddenly he looked up and smiled at me. “I noticed yesterday that Sangsang seems particularly fond of looking at me.”

“Because you’re handsome,” I said honestly.

He smiled again.

He really loved smiling. Did he know how especially handsome it made him?

“Sangsang, come here.”

When I approached, he pointed to two large characters on the paper. “These read Fusang. Your new name.”

Fusang, Fusang. I repeated it silently a few times, then looked up. “What’s your name?”

“Sangsang, I am the emperor.”

“Even an emperor should have a name.”

He raised an eyebrow. “My name is Xie Heng.”

He wrote it stroke by stroke. Seeing me watch so eagerly, he suddenly drew me onto his lap.

“I hear you met Consort Tong in the garden today.”

“Yes. She’s so beautiful. Her shoes and dress are beautiful too.”

Xie Heng smoothed my disordered hair. “If you like them, I’ll give you some.”

Remembering Consort Tong’s lesson, I quickly said, “Thank you for your reward, Your Majesty.”

I tried to rise to bow, but he pressed me back down. “Stay seated. Sangsang, remember: this isn’t a reward. It’s a gift from me to you.”

A gift.

In all my thirteen years, this was the first gift I had ever received.

Xie Heng looked at me gently. “I hear Consort Tong made you kneel and took you back to Yanqing Palace.”

“Not really… I only knelt for a moment,” I said softly. “I’m a palace lady, and she’s a consort. It’s proper for me to work for her.”

He stroked my hair. “Would you like to become a noble consort? Then she’d have to work for you.”

He was so good to me that I was beginning to dread leaving him. My nose stung.

Qi Yuchen had been almost kind to me in the chancellor’s household, but his kindness always had an unmistakable purpose.

I was not stupid. From the moment he said he would send me into the palace, I had known it was no good assignment.

Otherwise, why not send Qi Yuxian?

That night, I had even prepared myself for Xie Heng to expose my false identity and kill me.

But he had not.

Seemingly unaware of my thoughts, he continued looking at me, his voice mild. “What treasure have you been clutching since you came in?”

I opened my tightly closed hand to show him the jeweled ornament. “They want me to poison you.”

Without the slightest change in his eyes, he took it, turned it between his fingers, and casually tossed it onto the desk.

As though he had known all along what I was holding.

“Little Fusang…”

He leaned toward me until our noses touched, his cool fingers resting lightly around my wrist. “Don’t be afraid. Tell me what they threatened you with.”

“…They said they’d kill my parents and brother if I refused.”

Xie Heng laughed softly. “And what do you think?”

What did I think?

My parents certainly had not treated me as well as my brother, but they had raised me.

Mother said many girls in our town were drowned at birth. My parents had not killed me, and had even fed and clothed me. I should be grateful.

But—

“I wanted to be like my brother too. Not to work, and to have meat and new clothes…” I said quietly. “But Mother said girls were a waste of money. I shouldn’t ask for so much…”

The sun sank in the west, tinting the light through the window lattice a warm golden red.

Very gently, Xie Heng moved my collar aside to show the still-healing wound on my shoulder.

The cold and the faint pain came together, dragging me abruptly into memory.

That afternoon, my brother had seized my woodcutting knife. I had not finished the firewood and hurried to get it back. He slashed my shoulder.

Blood streamed down.

I cried out in pain. I had only pushed him once when Mother appeared.

She raised her hand high and struck my face hard. “Xiaocao, he’s your brother! He’s so little—how much strength could he possibly have? You worthless girl, how can you be so vicious?”

To punish me for laying a hand on him, she gave me no supper that night.

“Remember that pain.” Through my confusion, I felt a warm hand close around mine. Xie Heng spoke in a low voice. “Sangsang, if you repay cruelty with kindness, what will you give those who are kind?

“Even if you hate them, even if you want to kill them, you aren’t wrong.”

Was that true?

I was almost lost in his deep eyes and said nothing for a long time.

He sighed softly and stroked my hair. “Never mind. You don’t understand yet. I’ll teach you slowly.”

Helping me stand, he picked up the ornament and put it back into my hand. “Pretend you told me nothing today. Do as they say, and put one pellet in my tea every three days.”

I looked at him and shook my head firmly. “I won’t poison you.”

Helplessness entered his eyes. “Sangsang, I’m not a fool. I won’t drink it.”