Chapter 4

After finishing his last two memorials, Xie Heng returned with me to Xuanling Palace.

That night, he again held me as we slept. Breathing in his faint, cool fragrance, I tried to resist asking, but finally whispered, “Why didn’t you kill me?”

He opened his eyes and looked down. “Why would I kill you?”

I had no answer.

He had never actually said he would kill me. Yet I could not forget the cold, dangerous fingers at my neck on my first night in the palace.

It would probably have taken him only a moment to snap it.

Instead, he had made me a palace lady, given me a huge residence, and treated me wonderfully.

All the happiness in my first thirteen years together could not compare with these two days.

Without waiting for my answer, Xie Heng closed his eyes again and tightened his arm around me. “Sangsang, you’re honest. I like honest children. I won’t kill you.”

He said he liked me.

How lovely.

“Xie Heng, I like you too,” I whispered.

When I woke the next morning, he was already dressed and standing beside the bed, looking down at me.

Seeing my eyes open, he smiled, then bent and brushed his lips against my cheek.

My ears warmed. Before I could speak, I saw what he was holding.

A glittering gold hair ornament that looked very, very expensive.

“The red jade flower on it is your name—hibiscus.” He put it in my hand and straightened. “Have Juxia arrange your hair later so you can wear it. Do you still like Consort Tong’s clothes and shoes? I’ll have some sent over.”

After he left for court, I changed and sat at the dressing table, gently tracing the ornament.

While Juxia was arranging breakfast, the young maid appeared again.

Before she could speak, I hurried to say, “Yesterday, when I went to the imperial study, I put the first pellet in His Majesty’s tea.”

She looked very satisfied. “Your parents and brother are safe for now.”

“That hardly matters.”

She frowned. “What did you say?”

“…Nothing. Just report that to the young master.”

I let out a long breath and looked up at her. “I need daylilies. Fetch some from the palace supplies office.”

Contempt flashed through her eyes. She was about to speak when Juxia’s voice came from behind her. “My Lady, breakfast is ready.”

I witnessed an astonishingly swift change of expression.

“Yes, My Lady. I’ll go to the supplies office at once.”

She withdrew with lowered eyes. Juxia glanced briefly after her before turning back. “What do you need, My Lady? If you don’t trust Baoyue, I can fetch it.”

“It’s all right. Just a few unimportant plants.”

I hesitated all the way until supper before finally asking Juxia, “Is His Majesty in poor health?”

Her hand paused as she served soup. “Why do you suddenly ask?”

“His face is pale, like someone who has been ill for a long time,” I said quietly. “And at night I always hear him coughing, as though he can’t sleep well.”

Juxia set down the bowl and knelt before me.

“His Majesty specifically told me not to tell you.” She kowtowed. “But you care for him so much that even if I disobey his command, I must let you know.

“Before he took the throne, while the late emperor was still alive, His Majesty was attacked by villains. Their sword was coated with deadly poison. He was poisoned, and he already had an illness from birth, so his health grew worse. The imperial physicians’ medicines sustain him, but he works all day in the study. When he is busy, he forgets not only his medicine but even his meals…”

Her voice grew lower. My eyes stung. Xie Heng had not come all day; he must be very busy. Yet he had remembered to send me a new dress. I made up my mind.

I would take him dinner and make sure he ate it.

After a few hasty bites, I rolled up my sleeves and went to the little kitchen.

Juxia hurried after me. “What are you doing, My Lady? Let me help!”

“No need. I can manage.”

I deftly cracked an egg into a bowl. After thinking for a moment, I added another, then water and salt, stirred it, and put it on to steam.

Juxia stood frozen. “What… are you making?”

“Steamed egg custard.” I looked at her solemnly. “His Majesty is unwell. He needs good food to build his strength.”

At home, eggs had been precious. Only my brother could eat them. I was not allowed to touch them.

Once, he had hurried out to play and left two bites. Hiding behind the stove, I dipped a dry steamed bun into them and ate them. The taste had stayed on my tongue; even today, I could recall it clearly.

When the custard was ready, I used a cloth to place it in a food box. Turning, I saw Juxia hesitate.

“What is it?”

“Are you only taking the egg custard?” she asked. “Perhaps some pastries or nourishing soup too…”

That seemed sensible. “You’re right. One bowl of egg won’t fill him up. I haven’t touched the fish-broth noodles or stuffed tofu from supper. Let’s take those too.”

Juxia looked as though she wanted to say more, but finally closed her mouth.

It was late when I reached the study, but the lights still burned. Xie Heng was reading memorials at his desk.

Before I entered, Eunuch Fu told me that His Majesty had eaten little at midday and had not yet had supper. Whatever I did, I must persuade him to eat.

Silently encouraging myself, I set the food box before him and spoke in one determined rush. “You have court every morning. You’ll never finish all the memorials. Eat first. Afterward, I’ll sit with you while you read, even until dawn.”

His brush paused on the paper. He looked up with a hint of amusement in his eyes, and all my forced confidence instantly collapsed. “…I steamed some egg custard for you.”

He actually put down his brush, pushed the memorials and writing things aside, and motioned for me to open the box.

“Why egg custard?”

“Because it’s good food. Very nourishing,” I said softly.

Holding the spoon, he lifted his head. Candlelight danced in his eyes, blending with their shimmer, as though stirring some new feeling.

“Since it’s so good, Sangsang should have a little with me.”

“I’m not hungry. I ate before I came.” I quickly shook my head and took out the rest of the food. “Fish-broth noodles and stuffed tofu. Eat them while they’re hot. Then take your medicine.”

Obediently, he finished the custard, but barely touched the noodles or tofu.

As I watched anxiously, he leaned back and smiled helplessly. “A fine delivery. Next time, don’t bring quite so much.”