Chapter 1

Chapter 1

After ten years on the estate, I could no longer remember what my parents looked like.

My wet nurse said I was the Wang Family’s legitimate second daughter, born to live a life of privilege and splendor. It was all that damned fortune-teller’s fault.

Every time she said this, her eyes would redden and she would start cursing him. But she was afraid of teaching me bad habits, so the words never changed: damned, black-hearted, rotten-gutted.

I would nestle against her side, smile up at the sky, and count on my fingers how many days were left until Brother came back.

And wonder what rare little treasures he would bring me this time.

The estate was very, very far from the capital. When I first came here, I rode in a carriage for several days. After I arrived, a few fierce old women guarded the gates, saying they were following Master’s and Madam’s orders: I was not allowed to go outside.

In this house, they shut me away for ten years.

I could not read. I could not compose poems or essays. I certainly could not play the qin or dance. I did not even know how to help in the kitchen.

But my wet nurse still praised me for being obedient, and said I was good at growing flowers.

She said I was the very best girl in the world.

Brother also said I was the very best little sister in the world.

Brother was my wet nurse’s son. Back then, he had come to this estate with me.

Unlike me, who was forbidden this and forbidden that, no one really cared what Brother did.

At first, he followed a hunter from a nearby village into the mountains and learned a whole set of skills. Later, he joined an escort agency. Now he had married and had a child, and had settled down in the village.

My sister-in-law was the daughter of the hunter who had taught him. The two of them loved each other dearly.

“Nanny, Brother will be back in just a few days.”

“He’s been gone for more than a month this time. He should be back soon.”

I looked up at the clear blue sky. It should have been boundless, but because I was trapped in this tiny patch of world, even the sky seemed very, very small.

I thought of the rivers and lakes Brother had told me about when he returned, of dense shade beneath green trees, of streets bustling with people, lively markets and temple fairs, all kinds of delicacies, and rare curiosities…

Ten years had passed.

My parents had never let me go back. They had never come to see me either.

Everything I ate, wore, and used came from the estate. I might not have delicacies from land and sea, nor fine silks and satins to wear, but they had never let me starve or freeze.

When I was little, I did not understand what it meant to bring misfortune to one’s father and mother. When I grew a bit older, I heard the old women gossiping that I was a jinx and that they had to stay away from me, lest they catch my bad luck. Then I understood.

It was only human nature to seek advantage and avoid harm.

My parents and relatives kept their distance from me. I had been hurt by it, but somehow, I was not that hurt.

Because I had my wet nurse. I had Brother.

This time, Brother brought back quite a few rare things. Among them was a pot of half-dead camellia. He said it was called Eighteen Scholars.

How would I know its elegant name? I only thought it pitiful. Carefully, I trimmed its roots, changed its soil, watered it, and set it by the window. Then I used a little cloth to wipe the few leaves it had left.

I waited for it to grow new branches and put out fresh buds.

“Nanny, Nanny, it’s alive!”

I urged my wet nurse to hurry and tell Brother that I had saved the camellia he brought back.

Before she left, my wet nurse stroked my face and said with reddened eyes, “I’ll be back soon. Be good and stay at home.”

“Mm.”

When I was younger, I had once sneaked out. After they found me and brought me back, the old women did not punish me. Instead, they tormented my wet nurse viciously. I could not beat them, and I could do nothing to them.

From then on, I never tried to run away again.

Because I knew that if I made a mistake, my wet nurse would suffer for it.

On the day someone from the Wang Family came to fetch me, the camellia’s leaves were lush and green. I listened as that person said many things, but I did not remember a single sentence.

Because she was lying.

She said my parents missed me and had specially sent someone to bring me home.

I might never have seen the world, but I was not truly stupid.

I could still tell truth from lies.

My wet nurse, however, was very happy. She thought I had finally endured until the clouds parted and the moon shone through.

I could not bear to tell her that this time, when I went back, I feared I was only moving from one cage to another.

So I refused to let her come with me, lest her heart ache for me and she do something that could never be undone.

“Miss, why? I…”

“Brother often has to travel for work, Sister-in-law is pregnant again, and my nephew is still young and needs someone to look after him. I am going home to enjoy a good life. Nanny, you don’t need to worry. Once I am settled, I will send someone to bring you and Brother to the capital so we can be reunited.”

On the day I left, before I climbed into the carriage, I kept smiling, as though I were full of anticipation about going home.

As though I were truly very happy.

Only after I got into the carriage and looked at the camellia in the corner did my tears finally spill down uncontrollably.

In this life, I did not know whether I would ever have the chance to see my wet nurse and Brother again…