Chapter 2

When I was fourteen, my gaze settled on Shen Yuhe, the younger son of Grand Tutor Shen.

By then, his name was known throughout the capital.

He was incomparably handsome, and his painting and calligraphy were exquisite. People said a single character from his brush could not be bought for a thousand gold pieces.

I first saw him at a gathering where wine cups floated down a winding stream, and knew at once that his bearing was extraordinary.

Only an old aristocratic family could raise a young gentleman so cool and self-possessed.

I might be a princess, but in everyone else’s eyes I was a joke.

Shen Yuhe was not yet betrothed. Rumor said he was to marry a princess.

I was a princess too. Why should he not marry me?

If I won Shen Yuhe, perhaps even Mother would think more highly of me.

She had summoned him to the palace time and again, after all, and never tired of praising him. The Shen boy was handsome and accomplished, a credit to his family, a truly fine young man.

I knew she meant him for Yaohua. Naturally, the consort she had chosen for her would be a paragon of grace and integrity, beyond reproach.

But to Yaohua, Shen Yuhe would be no more than another ornament added to an already splendid life.

If he became my consort, surely Mother would look at me differently.

One day, he was summoned to the palace again. Avoiding Yaohua, he secretly pressed an archer’s thumb ring into my hand.

He turned his face away, his voice cool as snowmelt. “Your Highness, whatever the rumors say, this is where my heart lies.”

Back in my chambers, I tossed and turned. A young maid egged me on. “Everything good has always gone to Princess Luanyi. Now that Your Highness has finally found someone you like, must you surrender him to her too? Nothing has been settled yet. There is still room to change things. Perhaps Your Highness could…”

Once tempted, I could no longer hold back. Following her advice, I secretly sent Shen Yuhe a letter confessing my feelings.

It never reached him. Mother intercepted it.

She followed the trail and interrogated the maid who had advised me.

Under a hail of blows, the girl lost all restraint. Her words came out in blood and tears as she screamed Mother’s personal name. “Xue Rong! How are you better than Noble Consort Wei? You bewitched His Majesty with your filthy tricks, that is all! Heaven must be blind to let you become empress! Your daughter lusts after men and commits these shameful acts because she takes after you! Both of you are shameless, worthless whores!”

Cold sweat drenched me. I stared blankly at Mother.

“Mother, I didn’t know. I…”

Without the slightest change of expression, Mother gave her order.

“Ning Yan has behaved with disgraceful impropriety. Confine her to her chambers to reflect on her conduct. She is not to leave without an edict.”

During my confinement, I copied the classics, histories, philosophical works, and literary collections over and over.

The sun rose and set. Spring blossoms outside my window gave way to snowflakes, and my heart grew colder by degrees until no warmth remained.

Three years later, my gates opened.

Beyond the walls was a sea of mourning white and an unending sound of weeping.

The eunuch who brought the decree told me the emperor had died.

It struck me then that I resented Mother, hated Mother, yet Father was so distant to me that he might have been someone whose presence made no difference at all.

In those years, Yaohua had married. Her consort was not Shen Yuhe, but he was a fine-looking man nonetheless. Mingzhang had begun working at court and was about to ascend the throne. Mingyue had carried out several commissions and matured considerably.

I alone had remained trapped in the same place, copying books a thousand times.

“The new sovereign commands,” the eunuch said, “that Your Highness need neither put on mourning nor keep vigil. You are to depart at once to guard the northern frontier.”

I gave a cold laugh. “If Mother wants me gone, why pretend it is in the late emperor’s name?”

The eunuch hesitated, choosing his words. “Your Highness must be joking. These are the exact words of Her Majesty the Empress Regnant.”

I stood thunderstruck.

Mother had defied the entire realm and taken the throne herself!

And her very first decree had been to send me away.

Of course. I was probably the most embarrassing person in the whole palace to her.

“Such boundless imperial grace,” I murmured.