Chapter 2
At morning court the next day, I made a point of wearing the traitorous jade pendant.
Sure enough, it was quiet as a mouse.
Occasionally, a few encrypted messages came through: target attending court as usual; no abnormalities.
Below me, the Minister of War stepped forward, righteousness written all over his face. “Your Majesty, the Western Capital Garrison has strong troops and fine horses, ready to relieve Your Majesty’s burdens at any moment.”
The tiger tally at his waist immediately sent a secret message to the pendant: “All preparations complete. Awaiting signal.”
The pendant replied: “Acknowledged. As planned, fire at midnight will be the signal.”
The hand holding my teacup remained steady as a mountain.
In my mind, I had already sentenced the Minister of War to death.
After court, I took a stroll in the imperial gardens.
At the lotus pond, I sighed to the water. “My beloved consort used to love feeding the fish here when she was alive.”
The eunuchs and palace maids behind me bowed their heads.
Only the pendant at my waist was frantically recording: “Target depressed. Mentioned deceased Consort Duan. Vigilance reduced.”
I bent over, making as if to scoop a petal from the water.
“Oh!”
My foot slipped, and I pitched toward the pond.
An instant before I fell in, I tore the pendant from my waist and flung it into the mud at the deepest part of the pond.
“Quick! Save His Majesty!”
Amid utter pandemonium, I was hauled out, soaked through and thoroughly bedraggled.
I listened to the pendant’s last sounds from the mud:
“…Glug…help…can’t send…signal…glug, glug…”
Wrapped in the dry clothes a eunuch handed me, I curled my lips into a cold smile.
Midnight? Fire as the signal?
I would be waiting.
That night, I did not sleep.
I sat in the Hall of Mental Cultivation, monitoring the entire city with the Dragon Throne.
Serving as a base station, the throne could receive communications from every object within a certain range.
The moment midnight arrived, it shuddered:
“Here we go. A fire signal from the direction of the Western Capital Garrison. Huh…why’d the signal stop?”
The water cup before me suddenly spoke. “Your Majesty, I just heard our torch friend swearing. Said he’d barely raised his head when someone doused him with a basin of foot-washing water.”
My sword spoke from the wall. “Reporting in. The Minister of War’s tiger tally just sent a string of gibberish. Seems his wife treated it like a toy and tossed it under a table leg to prop it up.”
A gust swept past the window, bringing excited cries from palace lanterns far away.
“They’re fighting! They’re fighting! The Imperial Guard’s got those Western Capital Garrison rebels surrounded like filling in a dumpling!”
I took a leisurely sip of tea.
Everything was under control.
The Minister of War and several ringleaders were thrown into the imperial prison.
I went to visit them.
The minister remained defiant. “Wretched tyrant. You were merely lucky.”
Before I could speak, the straw beneath him piped up. “Pah! You’re the fool here.”
“Last night, you talked in your sleep and blabbed where you hide your private money. Under the crooked tree in your back courtyard.”
I smiled faintly and instructed the jailer, “Go dig up the minister’s military funds and confiscate them.”
The minister was speechless.
The sight of his ashen face put me in an excellent mood.
After this affair, I gained complete control of the court.
The trouble was, every object in the palace now took pride in tattling to me.
My pillow reported the consorts’ sleep-talk every day.
My chamber pot began analyzing the state of my imperial health.
This morning, even my dragon robe whispered a tip. “Your Majesty, the empress tried a new lip rouge today. She said the color was too bright, but she’s delighted with it. She’s hoping you’ll come see her tonight.”
I had no words.
Being emperor left me no privacy at all.
The Dragon Throne gloated beside me. “Heh-heh. The greater the power, the greater the headaches, Your Majesty!”
I had no words for that either.