Chapter 3

I no longer wished to argue over who was right.

As I headed back to the main courtyard,

I walked ahead of Xiao Ji for the first time, my attention fixed only on the path beneath my feet.

Unlike before, I did not ask whether he was tired or hungry, whether he wanted soup or a bath first.

He rarely answered more than two out of every ten things I said.

Most of the time, a single distracted hum served as his reply to everything.

But I had waited too long for him.

From dawn until dark.

Until the affairs of the outer court were settled and every trivial matter of the inner palace was swept away.

Only then could I have those few short steps at his side.

We might as well have spoken different languages. I was a one-woman show, performing both sides of the conversation.

I had even run out of things to say after telling him how many persimmons had fallen in our courtyard that day.

He still had never truly looked at me.

Only when I had talked myself empty did he seem to remember something and toss me a few words.

“Your sister’s old wound is hurting again.”

“Have you prepared her medicine?”

“Your sister wants the soup you make.”

“She misses you. Go to the palace tomorrow and keep her company. Listen more than you speak, and don’t annoy her.”

There was nothing wrong with wanting to be closer to my husband.

Nor was he wrong to have no strength left for me after attending to the court and the palace.

Yet whenever he brought my sister into the conversation, he became so attentive, so thoughtful, that an inexplicable pressure gathered in my chest.

His voice was never loud when he spoke of her, but every word struck my heart like a hammer.

Only much later did I recognize the feeling as sorrow.

This time,

Xiao Ji was the one following behind me.

He called out,

“Ah Sui!”

I answered blankly.

“What is it?”

His lips trembled. He pointed toward the withered plum blossoms in the courtyard.

“You like crabapple blossoms.”

I was silent for a moment, then nodded.

“I do.”

Yet the Xiao residence was filled with plum trees.

When the residence was first built,

my sister was already empress.

Afraid that I had poor taste and could not make up my mind, she had taken charge herself.

She said crabapples symbolized wealth and splendor and were far too vulgar for Xiao Ji’s elegance.

So without ever asking me,

she had every crabapple I selected replaced with plum trees.

Back then,

I stood beneath the veranda watching palace servants come and go.

The sunset wrapped around me, and loneliness filled my eyes.

I had tentatively asked Xiao Ji if we could keep a few crabapple trees.

He was bent over a list of candidates for the crown prince’s study companions.

“The Jiang family’s daughter is at odds with your sister. Her presence would be an irritant.”

“The Song family once discussed a marriage alliance with your sister. That could invite gossip.”

“The Li family is highly respected, but they are stubborn to the bone. Your sister’s blunt nature could never tolerate them.”

“Lord Zhao, then. He may not be wholly principled, but he knows when to compromise. He won’t teach the boy to defy your sister.”

He exhaled heavily and finally raised his head from the documents.

“What were you saying?”

It felt as though a hand had suddenly closed around my throat.

A small request for two crabapple trees had no place at the table where affairs of state were decided.

I could no longer force the words out.

I merely shook my head.

“Nothing. Carry on.”

I withdrew from the study.

Standing beneath the veranda, I watched the home where I would live for many years fill, piece by piece, with everything my sister liked.

I loved alchemy and medical texts, yet the side courtyard held an armory.

My sister excelled at riding and archery, loved blades and spears, and was Great Yong’s celebrated daughter of a military house.

I loved fishponds and lotus flowers, yet the garden held only ornamental rocks and a pavilion.

My sister feared water and preferred brewing tea beneath a pavilion while discussing military strategy, so one had to be ready whenever she visited.

Even beneath the window in the main bedchamber hung a wolf’s fang to ward off evil for my sister, rather than the wind chimes I loved.

Xiao Ji liked to sit beneath that window and read. Whenever he raised his head, he would smile softly at the wolf’s fang.

Once, when I was drunk, I clung to him and demanded,

“This is our home. Why is it filled with someone else’s preferences?

“You are my husband. Can’t you listen to what I want for once?”

He sighed.

“I have too many affairs of state to handle. Don’t quarrel with me over a tree. It would be a nuisance to change them.”

So he had seen everything. He had heard me after all.

He had merely pretended not to see or hear because even placating me was too much trouble.

“If you like them, I’ll have every plum tree replaced with crabapples tomorrow.”

The Xiao Ji before me reached out again.

He was offering peace. He was yielding to me.

It was unprecedented.

I turned to look at him.

Dressed in black, with ink-dark hair and austere brows, he still wore the distant expression that had first set my heart racing.

Once, I would have been beside myself with joy if he had yielded and offered to plant the flowers I loved.

But the fireworks were gone now.

I replied evenly,

“It’s only a tree. It isn’t worth the trouble.”