Chapter 5

What use were selfish adults like my father and Song Jin’s mother?

They thought only of themselves, never sparing a thought for their children.

Why should they be allowed to live so freely and comfortably? Simply because we were their children, must we always yield and obey?

I would not accept it.

Grandfather stroked my hair and said his Shengsheng was very clever. Wherever I went, I would be able to make a good life for myself.

Who knew about the future? It was so unreal and unfathomable. I only trusted what lay before me.

I was quite content, but Grandfather kept sighing. I asked why.

He was actually worried about Song Jin. The boy would be sitting the metropolitan examination next February. Wouldn’t it be a terrible shame if illness or something else delayed him?

Suddenly I remembered him sitting at his desk, turning the pages of a book. So cold and lonely it hurt to think of him.

I did not want to return. Grandfather said he would go and fetch him.

At dusk, Grandfather came back alone in the carriage. Snow like grains of salt was scattering from the sky.

Supper was ready. I helped him out of his heavy cloak and asked where Song Jin was.

Grandfather shook his head. He said only that the boy was ill.

Ill already.

“Your father sent for a doctor. He must have caught a chill at night. He’s burning with fever and scarcely knows what he’s saying.”

Grandfather sighed as he spoke.

“How have they been getting by? Who’s managing the house?”

“Your father’s a fool. He took Wenxiu as a concubine. She’s managing it now.”

My eyelid twitched. I had said that in anger. I had never expected Father to act on it.

Had Song Jin’s mother actually agreed?

His mother and my father were truly a matched pair of oddities.

“Does Wenxiu know how to run a house? She’s the very picture of someone whose ambitions outrun her abilities. In a few days she’ll spend what’s left of the dowry, and the Wen family will be starving.”

“The Weis may be an old aristocratic family, but they haven’t produced a capable son in years. They’re a lot of idlers living off a dwindling inheritance.”

“And His Majesty has no liking for the great families. There’s no prospect of them rising again.”

“The name sounds impressive, but it’s an empty shell now. Otherwise, even after she was widowed, a daughter of the Wei family’s principal line would have been far beyond your father’s reach.”

“There’s no one left on the Song side, either. If there were, they wouldn’t have let your father’s new wife remarry and take Song Jin with her.”

“There probably isn’t much of her dowry left.”

Grandfather stroked his beard, sighing again and again.

“Grandfather, let’s go home tomorrow.”

Not for anyone else. For that tiny newborn child, and for Song Jin, who had said he would pass his examination.

Once home, I went to see him.

His cheeks were bright red with fever, yet he was still sitting against a pillow on the heated bed, reading.

A bowl of medicine stood on the table, long since cold. There was no fire in the brazier.

We had six servants in all. One attended his mother, another my father.

There was a gardener, a cook, a man who cleaned and did the shopping, and the old servant who accompanied Grandfather.

Song Jin had no one to wait on him. And to think, he was the young master of an official’s family.

“Put that book down for a while. Can’t you take even one day off when you’re ill?”

I took the book out of his hands, found charcoal to light the brazier, and warmed his medicine over the stove before bringing it to him.

He drank it, then stared at me without blinking.

“What are you looking at? Do you think I’m pretty?”

“How do you stay so fair and plump when things are this hard at home?” He tilted his head as he asked, looking almost childlike.

“My face is round, that’s all! Haven’t you heard of baby fat? It’s just my face.”

Even if I was fair and plump, Mother had made me that way while she was alive. I had a good start.

The corners of his mouth curved, and he laughed softly.

“You should smile more. It makes you look a little more human.”

At that, his mouth immediately flattened again. How dull.

“If I dig up all the flowers your mother planted and put in vegetables after spring begins, what do you think she’ll do?”

I asked cautiously. Times were hard, after all. We had to eat.

He lowered his eyes to me. There were points of light in them, and a trace of amusement.

“Probably fight you to the death.”

“I could manage if it were just her. The trouble is she’d have Matron Wei and Wenxiu helping. I couldn’t beat all three.” I propped up my chin and sighed.

“Wen Sheng, do you hate my mother?”

“I don’t like her. At her age, still putting on the airs of a delicate young girl… Even if she is beautiful, I can’t bring myself to like her.”

How many people liked their stepmothers? Especially an old-enough-to-know-better stepmother like his mother?

Selfish and affected. Thoroughly tiresome.

I stole a glance at Song Jin. I had already put that very mildly.

“Can’t you even say something to make me feel better?” he asked quietly.

I nodded in silence. I really could not bring myself to lie to him.

“Lie down. Now you’ve had your medicine, a little sleep will help.” I went over, laid his pillow flat, and touched his forehead. It was still rather hot. Then I helped him lie down.

He closed his eyes. The shadows beneath them were dark. Clearly, he had not been sleeping well, either.