Chapter 12
Fortunately, he went no further.
Darkness surrounded us. His voice drifted through it. “Tomorrow is your birthday. Is there anything you want?”
His arm wasn’t as heavy as I’d imagined, or as thick. But the question flickered through my mind and passed. “I want to leave the palace.”
Silence fell abruptly. He didn’t answer. The arm around me tightened a little.
I couldn’t move.
After a moment, he chuckled. In the darkness, it sounded hollow and mocking. “My beloved consort is talking in her sleep. Rest now.”
Eyes open, I stared into the night.
“Neither of us can leave this place. Do you find that funny?” I asked.
His hand moved up to caress my cheek. “I don’t want to discuss this anymore. Sleep.”
His voice and touch were gentle, but they weighed heavily on me.
As though an entire dynasty were pressing down, silently threatening and warning me to settle down or be crushed to pieces.
I pulled free of his hand and forced the words out of my throat, determined to speak. “Just because you don’t want to talk doesn’t mean I don’t.”
“I am going to leave.”
Sure enough, he could no longer tolerate my defiance. He covered my mouth and said sternly, “Anqing, you really are mad. I’ve been tolerant enough.”
“Not another word.”
See?
He tolerated me because I was amusing. But tolerance had limits. When I crossed his, I stopped being amusing and became mad.
Tolerance had limits.
Yet they challenged mine every moment of every day.
I wanted to get out. I was almost at the end of what I could bear.
We said nothing more, but I didn’t think either of us slept.
After a very, very long time, he held me tight.
I tried to push him away, only to find that his shoulders and arms were different from what I’d imagined. They felt different too.
Firm. Strong. Defined.
Something was wrong.
I rubbed my eyes.
Perhaps there was something wrong with them.
But in the end, I decided to sleep.
What difference did it make?
No one came to celebrate my birthday.
After our quarrel, Murong Su left early. Glad to be free of him, I went to the little kitchen, made myself a simple cake, and brought it back to celebrate.
It was all right. I was only eighteen. Sooner or later, I’d get out.
At noon, a maid brought Wei Qinghe’s gift.
A pair of green jadeite bracelets.
They looked extremely expensive.
Delighted, I hopped around the courtyard. “Please tell Sister I love them. She’s wonderful. I love her to death!”
Her maid, who knew me well by now, laughed. “I’ll be sure to tell her, my lady.”
When they left, the courtyard grew quiet again.
I wasn’t used to being waited on. Apart from jobs I couldn’t manage alone, like heating and carrying bathwater, I didn’t need their help.
When the emperor came, they had to stay on duty as required. Otherwise, I sent the maids off to rest early.
I was the only resident here. I occupied one room and had converted the others into storerooms and kitchens.
Having few people around had one advantage: when I wanted peace, I could have complete peace.
That evening, I lay in my rocking chair enjoying the quiet.
Naturally, someone tactless came along.
A procession of eunuchs filed in with gold, silver, jewels, agate, and jadeite. While I was still wondering, Murong Su entered and stopped in front of me. “I’ve brought gifts. Is there a birthday feast?”
I looked at him, then at the things behind him. “No feast. And I don’t want your gifts. Please leave, Your Majesty.”
“Are you still angry with me?”
He lowered his eyes and gathered his words. “I know you’re unhappy. It’s your birthday. These are all I can give you.”
I needed no preparation. “I don’t want them. And I’m not angry.”
“…You accepted the empress’s gift today so happily. They’re the same sorts of things. It’s only mine you refuse?”
His voice sounded steady, but the final note trembled, carrying a trace of bewilderment and stubborn fixation.
“She thought of me sincerely and gave me a gift. I accept things given from the heart.” I looked at the gold and jewels behind him. “Without that sincerity, those things are just useless junk in this palace. What use are they to me? When I’m old and dead, they’ll still be sitting in a storeroom.”
“Or, if I’m lucky, they’ll be buried with me. What good is that?”
I’d long since stopped fearing death, so I spoke plainly. “Give me as much as you like. It means nothing.”
Murong Su smiled. He ordered the gifts taken to the storeroom and the servants to leave. No one dared disobey. I couldn’t stop them either, so I let him do as he wished.
Only the two of us remained in the courtyard.
He sat down uninvited, rocking lazily. “It is rather dull here. But apart from leaving, you have everything. Outside, people starve. They die of illness. A single natural disaster can take everything they have. And you complain that it’s too quiet, too boring here.”
His lips curved as he gazed at me. “Better stay inside. I’m doing this for your own good.”
For a moment, I had no words.
“You like excitement. The Mid-Autumn family banquet is in a few days. I’ll have them make it a grand affair. Once you’ve enjoyed yourself, you’ll naturally stop thinking about leaving.”
I glared at him. He came over and stroked my head. “Go inside. I still have memorials to review.”
Die, you damned pig!
I’d never be pleasant to him again!
I kicked out. But he reacted faster and moved more cleanly than I did, catching my leg and pulling me into his arms.
He slipped one arm around my waist, tucked me under his arm, and carried me inside without so much as a change in expression or breath.
By the time he set me down, my face was distorted with rage, my true colors on full display. “Watch yourself at that Mid-Autumn banquet. They might slaughter you for meat.”
He smiled at me. “Thank you for the warning.”
I sneered. “You should thank me. Otherwise, a big-eared, fat-headed pig demon like you would be an all-pork feast by now. Hasn’t your master or your eldest fellow disciple come to fetch you for the scripture pilgrimage? Shall I spread the word for you?”
“Go on, execute my whole clan if you’ve got the nerve. Let’s see if you’re a purebred pig.”
Surely… I’d gone far enough to make him lose his composure.
But his tolerance was extraordinary. He actually laughed aloud and praised my wit, humor, and depth.
I clenched my teeth and said nothing.
Did he think I was telling jokes?
Powerlessness was terrifying. Once you were weak enough, people heard your threats and thought you were merely gnashing your teeth.
I lay down on the bed in a huff and refused to speak to him.
“Someone’s written another memorial urging me to produce an heir. What should I do?”
I didn’t want to engage. “Get lost.”
“Very well. I’ll tell him to get lost.”
“Someone else says I should take more consorts. What do you think?”
Utterly fed up, I threw something at him. “Get lost!”
“Very well. He can get lost too.”
!
How was he even more shameless than I was?
Furious beyond words, I sat up sharply and suddenly felt dizzy, my vision blurring.
I caught the bedframe. When I opened my eyes again, a man of almost unearthly beauty sat opposite me, smiling faintly. His looks were extraordinary, his peach-blossom eyes gazing at me with tenderness.
“What the hell! Who are you?!” I blurted in terror. “Where’s my big fat Pig Demon Emperor?”