Chapter 4

The palace was vast and beautiful. I learned many things in a very short time.

The emperor ruled the country. The empress was its mother. The emperor’s mother was the empress dowager.

They were the most exalted people in the world.

I also learned that the emperor had a younger sister, Princess Changning. Years ago, she had gone to Mount Jingyun to pray for the country’s blessings and had spent years in Buddhist worship there. Now she had returned, but her health was poor, so she was resting at a detached imperial residence.

And I, at seven years old, finally had a name: Shen Luoyuan.

The Empress Dowager kept me in her own palace and had people teach me to read and write.

The emperor seemed displeased. He came to her palace and quarreled with her.

Hidden behind a screen, I heard the anger he was struggling to contain. “My own sister, an imperial princess, humiliated and tortured like that! Both her legs broken, still lying unconscious! I sent men to kill every one of those vile villagers, and now you keep that vicious peasant’s daughter here in the palace. What becomes of the imperial family’s dignity?”

They parted bitterly that day. After the emperor swept out, the Empress Dowager called to me gently. “Come out.”

I shuffled forward on my knees and bowed my head to the ground. “Luoyuan is grateful for Your Majesty’s kindness in bestowing a name. I will never forget what I owe you. But…”

I had meant to say I ought to leave the palace, that I did not belong there. But she interrupted, watching me with gentle eyes, and asked something entirely unrelated.

“Do you remember the third poem you learned yesterday?”

I was startled for a moment before answering respectfully, “Yes.”

“The mossy stones should bear my steps;
The clustered boughs are kind enough to climb.
By the clear stream, the homeward road runs straight;
I ride the moonlight home, singing through the night.”

When I finished, she stood, gently turning the Buddhist prayer beads in her hand. “Go now. Put other thoughts aside and write out your poems from memory.”

I was seven that year. I lived in the west hall of the Empress Dowager’s palace, with attendants who all called me “little princess.”

For a long time, it terrified me. I knew what I was. I knew I owed everything, even my life, to the Empress Dowager’s mercy.

I kept to my place. Unless she summoned me, I rarely left the west hall.

I stayed quietly in my own rooms. Apart from copying poems from memory, I spent most of my time transcribing Buddhist scriptures and praying for her.

Seven years passed in a rush.

One day, as I copied a scripture at the desk beneath my window, a few petals drifted onto the writing paper. Raised voices came from outside.

“Your Highness, you cannot simply barge in!”

An unmistakably bold voice answered, “This mysterious young lady! I want to see whom Grandmother has been keeping in her palace.”

I looked up at the sound. Apricot blossoms danced beyond the window. A handsome boy in splendid clothes stood beneath the tree. Seeing me through the window, he stopped.

I ducked my head and fumbled to close the window.

He had already leaped forward to stop me.

In seven years at the palace, I had met no one apart from the Empress Dowager and the west hall’s attendants. Now the servants outside hurried in.

“Your Highness, please leave at once. If Her Majesty finds out, there will be trouble.”

The crown prince only grinned, unconcerned. “Grandmother is the kindest person alive. Why would she be angry?”

Then he gave me a searching look. “I’m asking you, little princess. What’s your name?”

I lowered my eyes in silence.

Bracing a hand on the sill, he swung himself up to sit on it. He glanced down at my desk, pulled out a sheet of paper, and shook off a few apricot petals.

“Your handwriting is beautiful. Father is always telling me how ugly mine is. Why don’t you teach me?”

He leaned toward me. I looked up straight into his smiling eyes and could think of nothing to say.

Then Ah Wan, the maid who had always looked after me, rushed over and pulled me down to kneel.

“This is His Highness the Crown Prince. My lady must pay her respects.”

Only once I was kneeling did he hop down from the sill. “Get up. No need for such ceremony.”

When I rose, he smiled. “Until next time, little princess.”

He pulled a few more sheets from my desk and tossed them to the attendant beside him. “I’ll take these as a first-meeting gift. Ah Qi, keep them for me.”

The attendant called Ah Qi stood beside the crown prince. His skin was rather dark, but his eyes were bright and beautiful.

He tucked the sheets inside his robe. Looking at his eyes, I felt I had seen them somewhere before.