Chapter 12
Chapter 12
“Jiang Youze!”
Si Yan’s eyes reddened against her will. Her voice caught with tears.
“Stop right there!”
But he kept walking, his black robe stirring in the breeze.
As his retreating figure grew more distant, a rush of hurt shot from the soles of her feet to the crown of her head.
“I hate you!”
Jiang Youze’s back stiffened. His steps faltered.
Yet he walked on without even turning his head.
Si Yan’s tears broke free completely, flowing down her cheeks faster than she could wipe them away.
Three whole years.
She had pawned all her jewelry, worn old clothes for three years, endured three years of scorn.
Whenever people had insulted her to her face, she had never felt wronged.
Yet the moment he spoke, he told her to marry another man.
What right did he have to decide for her?
What right did he have to push her into someone else’s arms without even asking her?
Hearing the tears in her mistress’s voice, Linghe peered out from behind the moon gate.
The sight of her shaking with sobs against the wall frightened Linghe so badly she dropped her blade of grass.
“Miss!”
She ran over to support Si Yan and fumbled out her handkerchief to wipe her face.
When it was soaked, she used her sleeve. When that was soaked too, she could only fret helplessly.
“Please don’t cry, Miss. Young Master Jiang… He must have his reasons…”
“He’s a bastard! Nothing but a bastard!”
Si Yan snatched the handkerchief and covered her eyes, her voice still nasal from crying.
“Kissing me and then telling me to marry someone else. Who does he think he is?”
Faint laughter drifted over from the waterside pavilion. Shen Mingzhu’s laugh was particularly high and clear.
She thought she heard Jiang Youze’s name too.
Just like that, her crying stopped. She gave a small, shuddering breath and lifted her head from the handkerchief.
“Come. We’re going back to the gathering.”
Linghe patted her back awkwardly, thinking she had misheard. “What? B-back now?”
“They invited me to admire the flowers. I haven’t finished admiring them yet.”
Si Yan straightened the pendant at her waist, lifted her chin a little, and walked toward the pavilion.
She wanted to hear exactly what they were saying about him.
When she returned to her seat, everyone was still chatting merrily.
“Back already, Miss Si?” Shen Mingzhu set down her tea, amusement in her eyes as though anticipating a show.
“I thought you’d left.”
“How could I?” Smiling, Si Yan lifted her cup and sipped, suppressing the sob still lodged in her throat.
“I just walked around the pavilion. The flowers were in such splendid bloom that I lingered a little.”
Zhao Huaining pointed across the pond with her round fan. “That man of yours was here just now.”
Another ripple of snickering passed through the gathering.
Shen Mingzhu covered her mouth with her handkerchief. Her eyes overflowed with laughter, her tone carrying a hint of feigned reproach.
“Mind your words, Sister Huaining. He’s newly promoted Secretary Jiang now, a favorite of His Majesty.”
Secretary?
Si Yan’s grip tightened on her cup. She looked at Shen Mingzhu in confusion.
“Oh, of course. You weren’t here just now, Miss Si. You wouldn’t know.”
Zhao Huaining chimed in, envy undisguised in her voice.
“He came to deliver an imperial decree. The Fifth Princess specifically named Sister Mingzhu as her study companion.”
Shen Mingzhu waved her handkerchief, suppressing the upward curl of her mouth.
“Oh, there are still three places left. All of you have a chance.”
The young noblewomen began flattering one another again, their polite words concealing rivalry and simmering undercurrents.
After all, anyone chosen as a princess’s study companion bore the imperial family’s approval.
It was an incomparable honor for her family and an immense advantage in choosing a future husband.
What distinguished old family would not want a daughter-in-law approved by the imperial house?
And if luck brought her to a prince’s notice, it would be a heaven-sent chance to soar onto a lofty branch and become a phoenix.
Si Yan’s hand remained still around her teacup. Her lowered lashes hid the emotions roiling in her eyes.
From a lowly little eunuch at the very bottom of the castration quarters to a Eunuch Secretary in the Directorate of Ceremonial.
Others might struggle for twenty years without reaching that position. He had needed only three.
What had he been through in the palace? How much had he suffered? She dared not imagine it.
No! What did that have to do with her? He was a bastard! However much he suffered, he deserved it!
Why should she ache for him?
She ought to ache for herself!
For her filigree gold hairpin, for all those banknotes she had stuffed into that purse over the years.
Si Yan felt stifled. She no longer wanted to sit in the pavilion listening to these noble young ladies flatter one another.
Princess’s study companions, imperial favorites: none of it had anything to do with her.
“Thank you for your hospitality today, Sister Shen. The peach blossoms are lovely, and so is the tea.”
She smiled at the assembled young ladies and made a perfectly proper bow.
“There are a few peach trees at my residence too. Once they blossom, I shall invite you all over.”
Without waiting for Shen Mingzhu to answer, she took Linghe’s hand and walked out.
Her skirts brushed the pavilion’s bluestone floor. Her back was even straighter than when she arrived.
As the carriage left the lane outside the Marquis of Yongning’s residence, silence lingered inside for a long time.
Beside her, Linghe stole several looks at her mistress.
She weighed her words carefully for a while before venturing,
“Miss, Young Master Jiang’s promotion to Eunuch Secretary is a good thing, isn’t it?”
“A good thing.” Si Yan kept her eyes closed. Her mouth twitched, her voice angry and muffled.
“He gets promoted and doesn’t tell me. Instead, he comes to cut all ties with me. A good thing. A wonderful thing!”
Her voice rose as she spoke. By the end, she had worked herself into such hurt that the nasal tremor returned.
“He came just to upset me! Three years without showing his face, and when he finally does, he upsets me!”
Linghe sat helplessly beside her, wanting to console her but not knowing where to begin.
The carriage reached the back gate of the minister’s residence.
Si Yan took Linghe’s hand to step down. Just inside the inner gate, she met her father’s servant.
“Miss, His Lordship asks you to come to the study.”
Si Yan paused and raised a hand to touch her eyelids. They were still a little swollen, though much better than before.
She looked down, straightened her skirts, drew a deep breath, and went to the study.
When she pushed open the door, her father was standing by the window with his hands behind his back. At the sound, he turned.
“Father, you sent for me?”
Seeing his daughter’s red eyes, he frowned slightly. “Who has been bullying you this time?”
“It’s nothing. The wind blew dust into my eyes.”
Si Yan waved a hand, forced a smile, and sat in the chair before his desk.
Her father watched that strained smile in silence for several breaths.
“Jiang Youze is a Eunuch Secretary now. Did you know?”
“Yes.” Si Yan nodded, her voice subdued. “I only just found out.”
Her father sat behind the desk and tapped its surface with a finger. “Then what do you intend to do? Will you still wait for him?”
“Three years ago, you were young. Your mother and I couldn’t bear to marry you off so soon. If you wanted to wait, we let you.”
“But now…” He sighed. “Your mother has cried over this so often in the last two years.”
Si Yan’s eyes reddened again. She tried to blink back the rising tears.
She bit her lower lip again and again, only letting go when she had almost broken the skin.
“Father, please don’t say any more. I… I don’t know either.”
She truly did not know anymore.