Chapter 7
Chapter 7
After nearly an hour of fussing, the carriage finally left the residence and brought them back to the same place.
Morning sunlight fell over the bluestone paving, though the high walls on either side blocked most of it.
Since they did not know when Jiang Youze would come out, Linghe waited outside the carriage.
Si Yan sat inside, one hand resting on the small table. She waved her round fan and rested with her eyes closed.
Beneath her lids, her eyes moved as a tangle of thoughts ran through her head.
What should she say when she saw him? Should she cry or not? How much crying would be right?
Too much would look false. None at all would seem heartless.
If he was still as cold as before, how should she respond?
Before she could work it out, someone slapped the carriage wall.
Linghe kept her voice low, but urgency altered its pitch. “Miss! He’s coming out! He’s coming out!”
Si Yan nearly rolled off the cushion. Still dazed, she lifted the curtain.
“Where? Where?”
The imperial prison’s heavy iron gate creaked open.
Two guards wearing sabers came out first. Jiang Youze followed last.
Si Yan’s hand paused on the curtain.
He had changed his clothes. They were still drab gray coarse cloth, but neater than his prison garb.
His hair was tied up too, revealing the back of his neck. He was so thin she could clearly see the bones.
Si Yan stared at that exposed stretch of neck for two seconds. An untimely thought suddenly entered her mind.
Thin as he was, how had he become that fearsome man in her dream?
She pinched her thigh hard and sucked in a breath at the pain.
Pah, pah, pah!
What on earth was she thinking?
She was here to see him off to the palace! Here to play the devoted, faithful fiancée!
Not to speculate about what her fiancé might become! Stop! Enough! No more of that!
As she sat there, red-faced with self-reproach, a gust of dusty wind blew in from the mouth of the lane.
Carrying the smell of roadside horse dung and earth, it struck her full in the face before she could react.
Her eyes stung fiercely at once, and she cried out.
She hurriedly dropped the curtain and rubbed her eyes.
Hearing her, Linghe rushed over and lifted the curtain.
“What’s wrong, Miss?”
The people in the distance noticed the commotion and all turned to look.
Jiang Youze immediately saw the figure in the carriage shedding tears.
She held a handkerchief over her eyes, but the tears would not stop. She had rubbed the corners of her eyes bright red.
Why was she crying again?
He paused, his brow creasing slightly. The hand at his side tightened of its own accord.
Si Yan’s handkerchief was soon soaked. Her eyes hurt so much she whimpered.
“What’s wrong?”
A cool, low, hoarse voice sounded beside her. A thin figure blocked the carriage window.
Without her noticing, Jiang Youze had come over. He stood outside the carriage, bending slightly to look at her.
Si Yan lowered the handkerchief a little, revealing half a tear-streaked face. Droplets still clung to her lashes.
Meeting those worried eyes, she changed every word she had prepared.
“Brother Youze, I… I can’t bear to part with you…”
She did not know whether it came from her heart or whether her taste for acting had made her mouth outrun her mind.
Either way, the words were out. There was no taking them back, so she might as well keep up the performance.
She lowered the handkerchief. A few more tears fell, and her voice was thick and nasal.
“Once you enter the palace, I’ll never see you again.”
Jiang Youze stood just where he could shield her from the wind blowing down the lane. He looked down at her face.
She looked utterly pitiful.
He watched her for two seconds, then raised a hand and brushed the tears from the corner of her eye with his fingertip.
He leaned through the carriage window. The curtain fell, shutting out every watching eye.
All at once, the carriage became a small space belonging only to the two of them.
A faint scent of agarwood lingered in the air, mingled now with the faint, bitter smell of his long-unwashed body.
He cupped the back of her head, drew it down, and kissed her without hesitation.
Si Yan’s mind exploded.
She went rigid on the cushion. Her eyes widened sharply, reflecting his face so close to hers.
Her tears, her reluctance to part, her appetite for acting: everything burst into a skyful of fireworks.
The handkerchief fell into her lap. Neither hand knew where to go.
Nothing like this had ever happened between them.
Betrothed though they were, they had always kept their feelings within the bounds of propriety.
Never mind kissing. They had only dared steal a brief touch of hands beneath the cover of their sleeves.
She instinctively tried to draw back, but his hand held the back of her head so firmly she could not move.
He would not let her retreat.
For every inch she withdrew, he followed an inch, faster and more determined than she was.
Wait!
How was he so good at this?
Hadn’t he been too shy even to hold her hand? When had he learned such a thing?
Did it come naturally, without being taught?
Si Yan was at a loss, unable to speak for a moment.
Jiang Youze loosened his hold on the back of her head a little and stopped.
At last, her hands found somewhere to go. They caught the front of his robe.
She did not know whether she wanted to push him away or hold him closer. She simply clutched that drab gray cloth.
Her thoughts were a hopeless tangle.
He had not even entered the palace yet. How had he suddenly become so bold?
Ah! Why was her mind wandering again?
This sudden act must have stunned her senseless!
Jiang Youze finally let her go and drew back a little.
Si Yan covered her mouth and shrank away, the tips of her ears so red they seemed ready to smoke.
She glared at him with watery eyes. It was scarcely threatening; she looked more as though she were pouting for his attention.
Jiang Youze’s gaze moved from the fingers covering her mouth to the reddened corners of her eyes.
The emotions surging in his eyes were overwhelming: attachment, reluctance to part, longing, resentment, anger, despair.
So intense he could scarcely bear them himself. In the end, they all sank from sight.
“Don’t wait for me.”
His voice was hoarser than before. With that, he straightened and withdrew from the carriage window.
Si Yan stared, as though she had not understood what she had heard.
Not wait for him?
He kissed her, then told her not to wait?
What kind of outrageous nonsense was that?
What kind of scoundrel kissed someone and then tried to cut all ties?
Had he come over expressly to kiss her before entering the palace, just so he could say that?
He should have said so first! Then she wouldn’t have let him kiss her. No, even then, she would have.
She called him a bastard, yet a part of her felt that the kiss just now had not been such a bad bargain.
No, no. She had lost out terribly!