Chapter 11
Chapter 11
It seemed… she had always kissed him first.
As she kissed him, his anger faded. As she kissed him, he grew tender.
As she kissed him, Lord Jiuqiansui became Jiang Youze, her childhood sweetheart, again.
Though afterward, he usually tormented her even more outrageously.
At least most of the darkness left his eyes, and he no longer fixed her with that venomous gaze.
Si Yan looked at his tightly pressed lips, caught both sides of his robe, rose on tiptoe, and kissed him.
Not far away, Linghe gaped. Then she spun around and covered her face.
Good heavens!
Miss was far, far too forward!
In broad daylight, outside the side gate of the Marquis of Yongning’s residence, where someone could pass at any moment.
If anyone saw them…
Linghe hurriedly glanced around to make sure there were no bystanders in the lane.
Jiang Youze’s lips were cooler than she remembered, but still soft.
As she rose on tiptoe to press against them, she clearly felt his body stiffen.
Si Yan kept her eyes closed, her lashes trembling fiercely. Her heart seemed ready to leap out of her throat.
She had no idea where this courage came from.
Probably her will to survive.
Three years ago outside the imperial prison, he had kissed her. She had needed only to let him.
Now she was the one to begin. Once her lips touched his, she did not know what to do next.
A few breaths passed. Something felt wrong.
Why wasn’t he responding?
Three years ago, before she could react, he had caught the back of her head and kissed her until her world spun.
This time, she had been pressing her lips to his for so long, and he had not moved at all.
Did he not want this?
Had three years in the palace made him stop liking her?
Si Yan secretly opened one eye and met his gaze from very close up.
Her face was reflected in his pupils.
The darkness there had not entirely cleared. There was not a trace of anything resembling joy.
Si Yan felt hurt at once.
She had taken the initiative so completely, and he was still wearing that stern face?
She pressed her lips against his again and again, but he still did not respond.
An ache rose uncontrollably in her heart. Her grip on his robe loosened.
She was just about to draw back when he suddenly caught the back of her head and pinned her against the stone wall.
Before she could cry out, he held her head steady and brought his lips down hard.
His kiss was deep and urgent, as though he meant to make up for everything those three years had left owing.
Her strength gave out, and her raised heels sank to the ground, only for his hand at her waist to lift her back up.
She could scarcely breathe beneath his kiss. The lack of air made her dizzy as his lips ground against hers.
She raised a hand to push him, but the moment it touched his chest, he caught her wrist and pressed it to the wall.
His fingers slid between hers, lacing their hands tightly together.
She turned her head to catch a breath. He followed, covering her lips again.
She tried to shrink away, and his hand tightened further at the back of her head.
All her strength ebbed away in the kiss. Only the support of his arm kept her from sliding down.
At last, unable to bear any more, she gave a small, tearful whimper.
Jiang Youze finally eased his hold.
He drew back a little, rested his forehead against hers, and looked down at the woman in his arms, his breathing hot and rapid.
Her eyes were watery, her lips reddened and swollen where he had sucked at them. Her breath fell against his face.
The hand he had pressed to the wall was still firmly entwined with his, her fingers trembling slightly.
He brushed the tip of his nose against hers, then tilted his head and greedily kissed her again.
Only in the moment his lips met hers did he feel that Qingqing belonged to him.
To him alone.
Si Yan had not yet caught her breath when he covered her mouth again.
This time he was gentler. At least he no longer seemed intent on devouring her whole.
His hand slipped down from the back of her head, his fingertips brushing the skin behind her ear.
That was Si Yan’s weakness. At his touch, half her body went soft.
Another soft nasal sound escaped her, gentler than before. So soft that even she was embarrassed to hear it.
Linghe crouched behind the moon gate with her back to them, gripping a blade of grass and drawing circles on the ground.
She had reached her three hundred and seventy-second circle. Behind her, there was still no sign of them stopping.
She gritted her teeth and resigned herself to beginning circle three hundred and seventy-three.
Si Yan’s head swam. Her body grew weaker, leaving her helpless against his lingering, teasing attentions.
The instant he paused for breath, she buried her face in his chest and gulped air.
Her forehead rested in the hollow of his collarbone. She could feel the vibrations in his chest beneath it.
His heart was beating as fast as hers.
Her fingers clutched the cloth at his chest, and she stubbornly refused to raise her head again.
Jiang Youze did not force her.
He rested his chin on her head and briefly closed his eyes, his breathing gradually steadying.
His arm remained around her waist. He did not let go. If anything, he wanted to hold her tighter.
He did not want to let go.
He wished he could stand there holding her until the end of time.
Yet however unwilling he was, he had to release her.
On his way over, he had heard the conversation and laughter in the pavilion. All of it mocked her and him.
She had endured such humiliation for three years.
He had been too greedy. Knowing he had no right, he still wanted to keep her, refusing to let her go.
But she was already eighteen. How could he keep holding up her future?
A thousand emotions surged in his eyes, finally resolving into pain and dying in stillness.
Jiang Youze placed his hands on her shoulders, gently pushed her away, and stepped back half a pace.
Si Yan’s legs were still weak. Her back rested against the stone wall, her mind still lost in the kiss.
Before she understood what was happening, he had pushed her away. Her hands were still curled as though clutching his robe.
She looked up at him, bewildered.
His face was expressionless again. He had not even wiped the lip color from his mouth.
“If you truly like that man…”
Jiang Youze paused. His back teeth clenched and loosened, his fists tightening inside his sleeves.
His throat worked hard, as though something had surged from his chest and lodged there.
He forced it down before squeezing out the rest.
“Then accept him.”
He turned and left as soon as he said it, terrified of seeing relief and secret delight on her face.
The last of Si Yan’s tender daze had not yet faded when his words doused her with icy water.
Again.
The first time he kissed her, he told her not to wait.
The second time he kissed her, he told her to marry someone else.
Did he have to cancel out every kiss with something outrageous?
Every time he could not resist coming close, did he have to push her away still more cruelly, just to restore his own balance?
What did he take her for?
A doll he could kiss whenever he wanted and push away whenever he pleased?
Did he think her heart was made of iron, impossible to shatter no matter how often he threw it down?