Chapter 2
What happened next was neither something I ought to see nor something I was allowed to see.
My nurse scooped me up and dragged me out of the hall.
The moment we were outside, I broke free and ran.
I was ten, not a little child. I wasn’t going to stand there like a fool. Why did she have to drag me?
I was running so fast that I wasn’t looking where I was going. Something caught my foot, and I nearly fell. I had barely recovered my balance and turned around when someone spat at me. “Pah! A whore’s little bastard.”
Only then did I see who it was: Prince Chun, the emperor’s sixteenth brother. Dressed in black, with a cold expression, he stood barely half a head taller than me, yet acted as though he towered over everyone.
I gave him a furious look. “Who are you calling a whore?”
He smiled coldly. “Whoever seduces and deceives the sovereign and befouls his palace.”
I clenched my fists, aching to hit that smug face. After restraining myself again and again, I said only, “His Majesty believes my mother. If you don’t, who do you think you are? Or are you saying His Majesty is a fool and my mother has him wrapped around her finger?”
“You…”
Choking with anger, he glared at me, his straight brows bristling. After a long moment, he lowered his voice and snapped, “If you didn’t want people to know, you shouldn’t have done it. Do you think no one saw Chief Grand Secretary Luo leave your mother’s palace the other day, red-faced and disheveled?”
“He—he only went to discuss important military affairs with her. There was nothing… nothing improper! Stop making things up and spreading rumors.”
He raised his chin and sneered again. “You and your mother may fool my brother for a time. You won’t fool him forever. We’ll see.”
Then he shoved me. I lost my balance and landed on the ground.
“Even the path stinks once you’ve walked on it.”
With disgust written all over his face, he brushed his sleeves, turned, and strode away.
I wandered aimlessly through the imperial gardens for a long time before returning. By then, His Majesty had left.
Mother had kept a meal warm for me on a small stove. Her long hair hung loose, a light sheen of sweat covered her face, and red marks showed clearly on her neck. Yet she simply smiled gently, smoothed my hair with her slender fingers, and told me to eat slowly, not to hurry, and above all not to choke.
How could anyone fail to like her?
His Majesty liked her. Chief Grand Secretary Luo liked her. Commander Cheng liked her too.
The day Chief Grand Secretary Luo came to the palace, she sent someone to invite him into the gardens. He had no idea she was waiting for him in the pool.
The fierce June sun was sinking in molten gold, gilding Mother’s flowerlike face. She swam freely through the water, her radiant smile brighter than the sunset.
Her wet clothes clung to her body. White skin showed through the thin rose-colored gauze, making her look like a flower spirit descended among the lotuses.
Chief Grand Secretary Luo stood on the bank throughout their conversation, far enough away that he could not have touched even the edge of her robe. Yet his face grew redder and redder. Great beads of sweat fell to the ground, where the sun turned them to vapor.
After that, he became a frequent visitor to Mother’s palace, and news from outside came in an unbroken stream.
Commander Cheng was much the same. A little maneuvering on Mother’s part left him utterly besotted. Whenever he saw her, he told her everything he knew and held nothing back.
I had thought her behavior rather risky myself. But Mother told me:
“Both our lives depend on His Majesty.
“If anything happens to him, those ministers can put another man on the throne and claim credit for helping him rise. For us, being thrown out would be the best possible outcome. To preserve what they call the dignity of the imperial house, they might simply dispose of us with a noose of white silk or a cup of poison.
“I cannot sit and wait to die. I have to take risks. Let people gossip. I cannot afford to be deaf and blind. I need people whose help I can call upon.
“Chastity? Reputation?
“We have to stay alive before we can talk about those.
“If we die, how could we stop the people who would gladly devour us from saying whatever they pleased?”
At the time, I thought she was absolutely right. Secretly, I even thought how formidable Mother was, to have so many men at her feet.
But remembering the shove, Prince Chun’s disgusted stare, and the word “whore,” I felt something lodge in my throat that I could neither swallow nor spit out. Even the warm, silky egg porridge lost its savor as it reached my lips.
Seeing that I could barely eat, Mother asked whether I disliked the food. I shook my head and looked up at her, but could not bear to repeat what Prince Chun had said.
Mother was so beautiful.
Just looking at her made it impossible for me to say those vicious words.
Perhaps they were simply jealous.
Yes. Jealous.
Jealous that a woman could be both clever and brave. Jealous that Mother so easily won the emperor’s trust, which they could not obtain no matter how hard they tried.
Seeing me lost in thought, she said no more. She smoothed my hair again and pinched my cheek. “Enough. Stop dwelling on unhappy things. Ah Yan’s birthday is in a few days. Shall I take you to his feast?”
Chi Yan? Mother was taking me to see Chi Yan?
I looked up in delighted surprise, then nodded so eagerly that my head bobbed.
Never could I have imagined how deeply the feast I longed for would humiliate me.