Chapter 12
When the marriage decree arrived, I accepted it obediently. Prince Chun, I heard, flew into a tremendous rage.
Considering how he usually treated me, I was not surprised.
Mother’s expression turned cold. “Ungrateful.”
I tried to soothe her. “He’s spoiled and immature. Don’t be angry with him. It isn’t worth it.”
Mother rolled her eyes at me. “Defending him already?”
I sighed helplessly. “It was never a heavenly match between two willing hearts.”
“That doesn’t mean you should let him bully you,” she said coldly. “Your dignity is mine. By behaving like this, he’s trying to distance himself from us and please the imperial clan and hereditary nobles.”
I laughed. “So what? His Majesty arranged the marriage. Would he dare refuse? Once he marries me, he’s in our boat. It won’t be so easy to distance himself. Once I’ve borne an heir, who will bother with him?”
Mother watched me for a long time, then sighed. “I don’t know whether it’s good or bad that you see so clearly. I don’t want love to hurt you. But how could I not wish you might marry a man who truly loves you?”
After thinking for a while, I asked, “Mother, does His Majesty… truly love you? Do you love him?”
She paused, apparently finding the question interesting. She frowned in thought, then smiled. “At my age, and in my second marriage, it would be a lie to claim the pure longing of young lovers. If your father had ever dared take a concubine or frequent brothels, I would have been beside myself. Yet the emperor has a vast harem, and I don’t much mind.”
I nodded.
“But to say there is no affection between us… Without affection, do you think he would do this much for me? Do you know how much opposition he faces at court for elevating me and letting me annotate memorials? Certainly, those civil and military officials, bound together by marriages, have always been a threat to him. He has no one else to trust. But… even without anyone else, choosing to trust me is still an act of affection.”
“Who knows? Perhaps he’ll become rebellious in middle age or muddled in old age. Perhaps he’ll suddenly fall for some fresh young beauty, lose his reason over her, and hate me, resent me, even kill me for her… But at least now, at this moment, I am confident that I come first in his eyes.”
Remembering how Grandmother had murmured Grandfather’s name as she died, I asked wistfully, “Is it only the person you still long for when you’re dying who can be called the love of your life?”
Mother blinked, smiled in understanding, and nodded. “Perhaps so.”
…
The next day, Prince Chun came to see me and planted a hand on his hip. “So you’re the one who wants to marry me?”
I rolled my eyes. “What of it?”
“What of it?” Folding his arms, he circled me twice. “I’m the emperor’s own brother, a prince of the highest rank! If I marry, it should be a quiet, virtuous daughter of a distinguished family. Someone like you wants to be my princess consort? I’ll allow you to be a secondary consort. Take it or leave it.”
A secondary consort?
My smile was cold. “Very well. Tell His Majesty yourself. If he agrees, so do I.”
“You don’t want to? Then… Wait. What did you say? You agreed?”
I nodded. “Yes. I agreed. Whatever His Majesty decides. If you can persuade him, I don’t mind whether I’m the principal or secondary consort.”
Prince Chun frowned and stared as though the world had stopped making sense. His mouth opened and closed, but he still could not believe it. He looked around, saw that the servants were some distance away, and leaned toward my ear. “Tell me honestly. You’re only fourteen, yet you’re so desperate to marry me that you don’t even care about your status. Is it because…”
Because I’m hopelessly in love with you? A little self-awareness, please…
“Are you pregnant?”
What?