Chapter 1
That day, the emperor returned from leading his army into battle. He was still wearing his heavy armor and military boots, a long sword gleaming coldly at his waist. His presence was overwhelming.
Terrified, I huddled in a corner, trembling all over.
When rumors had begun flying through the palace, I had imagined countless ways my mother and I might die. Yet when the day finally came, my legs still shook with fear.
The emperor advanced, step by step, each footfall seeming to land upon my heart.
My mother advanced, step by step, as gracefully as ever.
Smiling, she ran toward him with her pale arms open, delight and relief lighting her lovely face. “My lord Xiao, you’ve finally returned victorious!”
The point of his sword stopped her.
Bewilderment and hurt appeared on her face. Inch by inch, she leaned her long, graceful white neck forward until it rested against the gleaming blade. “What’s wrong? Don’t you want to hold me?”
His throat worked. The sword retreated, then retreated again. He paused in an effort to preserve his authority, then stamped his boot furiously. “You know perfectly well what you’ve been doing behind my back!”
Tears gathered in Mother’s naturally tender eyes. Their reddened rims made her all the more pitiful. “Are you blaming me for spending every day trying to secure supplies for the army, terrified that something might happen to you out there?”
“Don’t twist my words! You clearly—you clearly…”
“It’s so cold in Oirat territory.” Mother reached out and gently stroked his cheek. “Did you have warm padded clothes? Did the soldiers? Could we really trust those old men in the Ministries of Works and Revenue? I am a woman of the inner palace. I know I shouldn’t meddle in affairs of state. But… but I worried about Your Majesty. If worrying about Your Majesty is a crime—if worrying about the man I love is a crime—then I deserve a thousand deaths. Why not kill me now?”
The emperor pressed his lips together and closed his eyes in anguish. He turned his face aside, unable to look at her beauty, unable to watch each word spill from her petal-soft lips.
“How easy it is to destroy a woman’s name. Adultery, promiscuity—a few whispers are enough to ruin her forever. And I was already a fallen woman, a widow who should have remained faithful to her dead husband. Instead of mourning him, I admired Your Majesty. I admired your youthful valor, your achievements in government and war… In the eyes of the world, that was already the greatest sin of all.”
“Stop!”
He gripped her shoulders so tightly that his knuckles whitened.
Mother lifted her tearful eyes to him. He looked down at her.
A moment later, he pulled her tightly into his arms and sighed. “Ah Ruan. My Ah Ruan…”