Chapter 6

By the time I could manage a few steps with a walking stick, my eldest sister was leaving for her marriage alliance in Boliu.

The wind was so strong on the day of her departure that we could hardly keep our eyes open.

The empress had sent a female official to see her off at the city walls.

For once, all the sisters were gathered together, but none of us could smile. We had heard that the prince of Boliu was over forty. Besides his many wives and concubines, he had certain peculiar tastes…

My eldest sister clung to Mother, her eyes red from crying. The female official reminded her, “On such a joyous day, Your Highness should attend to her appearance.”

With the official there, Mother dared not say much. Tears in her eyes, she could only force a smile. “My child, may your journey be safe and your life go smoothly.”

Horns sounded aboard the ship. The east wind snapped at our skirts, grand and desolate at once.

It was time for my eldest sister to go.

Years, mountains, and waters would lie between us. We would never see one another again.

Only when the ship was far away and the official had taken her leave did Mother break into wretched sobs, as though her soul had been torn out.

Parting in life or death was truly the most painful thing in the world.

Everyone gathered around Mother. Even the concubines who usually got on worst with her came forward to comfort her.

Only Father frowned. “Ignorant woman! Our darling daughter becoming a prince’s consort is a happy occasion. Stop that dreadful howling!”

I had long known how heartless Father was, yet at that moment, a chill still ran through my whole body.

I had seen him take my eldest sister by the hand to fly kites. I had seen the rare, curious trinkets he brought her when he returned from official journeys.

Everyone in the household knew that he doted on his legitimate daughter even more than his eldest son.

Yet this same loving father, once the imperial family hinted at a marriage alliance, had offered up his cherished daughter without a moment’s hesitation.

Leaning on my stick outside the crowd, I watched Mother, always so dignified and composed, cry until her voice grew hoarse. Then Father swept his sleeves and left.

Wave after wave rose on the sea. The ship vanished altogether.

Silently, I prayed.

Eldest Sister, take care of yourself.

Not long after her departure, Father had me formally recorded as Mother’s daughter. I moved from the side room into the chamber my eldest sister had once occupied.

A noble young lady who had saved the heir to the throne could no longer remain an obscure concubine’s daughter.

The empress and crown prince sent me gifts every few days. With each gift, Father’s affection for me grew.

During that time, he also arranged marriages for my second and third sisters, both daughters of concubines.

Mother had been unwell ever since my eldest sister married. Daily medicinal draughts did her no good. Yet she had not forgotten her duty as mistress of the household and had already sought matches for my second and third sisters.

She favored the concubine-born sons of several senior officials in the Censorate. Men who entered that office were mostly upright and principled; surely the sons they raised would have decent characters.

Father, however, said the Censorate was full of hypocrites seeking a reputation for virtue. They spent their days remonstrating with the emperor and defying him. His daughters would not necessarily be happy in such households.

For once, Mother argued. “Not happy? You simply mean these marriages will do nothing for your career!”

She had struck home. Father flung down his teacup and left.

I knew that Mother wanted to make up for her regrets over my eldest sister through the rest of us. But with men holding absolute power, she had no right to decide.

The room fell quiet. Before long, Mother’s broken sobs sounded again.

She had done her best, but nothing had changed.

After my third sister was sent off, I was fourteen. In another year, I would come of age.

Father took a particular interest in my education. He hired renowned masters to teach me the zither, chess, calligraphy, and painting, determined to make up for everything I had lacked.

He ordered me to sleep only four hours a day. The rest of my time was to be spent studying the six arts.

I knew what he was planning.

He wanted me to marry the crown prince. The fact that I had saved his life alone would make it impossible for him to treat me poorly.

Once the crown prince took the throne, I might become an imperial noble consort, second only to the empress in the inner palace. Then the Duke of Su would have connections both at court and among the emperor’s consorts.

In time, he might even be granted a hereditary princely title, despite having no imperial blood.

Now that Father had his own calculations, I obeyed all his arrangements. I already walked with a limp. If I made no effort elsewhere, I would truly be useless.

Whenever I thought of this, I studied harder. Even if my chance was only one in ten thousand, I did not want to leave my fate in the hands of a father so devoid of love or loyalty.

From the moment I saved the crown prince, any debt between Father and me was settled.