Chapter 48

Chapter 48

Ji Feifan opened his eyes to find a gentle, smiling face before him. He stared at it blankly for a long time before his muddled thoughts gradually cleared.

She seemed to be the school counselor from his elementary school days.

“Ji Feifan? Ji Feifan?”

“Huh?”

The boy in the front row looked up in confusion at the teacher calling his name.

Holding a textbook, the woman addressed the classroom in a gentle voice. “Ji Feifan, let me ask you something. If you had a basket of apples and your deskmate, Chen Yan, didn’t have any, would you share yours with him?”

A sentence was written on the blackboard behind her: Sharing is also a virtue.

Under his deskmate’s expectant gaze, the boy answered without hesitation, “No.”

The woman paused, then tried to guide him with a smile. “But your good friend would be hungry. Wouldn’t sharing make everyone happy?”

“Whether he’s happy is his business.” The boy’s small brows furrowed, his tone far calmer than anyone his age should have been. “The apples are mine. Why should I give him any?” After a moment, he added, “Whether he’s hungry has nothing to do with me.”

His deskmate immediately looked aggrieved. “But I share lots of things with you! Why won’t you share with me?”

The boy tilted his head. “I never asked you to. You’re stupid.”

“I hate you!”

The woman hurried to smooth things over by telling the class a short story. The boy merely lowered his head. He made no attempt to comfort his crying deskmate, nor did he care about the look his teacher gave him.

Before Ji Feifan could form a thought, the scene abruptly warped and dissolved.

The light dimmed, then transformed into the bright fluorescent glow of an office. He stood before a desk piled high with exercise books. Across from him sat his high school homeroom teacher, a middle-aged man who was always talking about “the honor of the collective.”

The homeroom teacher’s expression was grim as he tapped a finger against a crumpled written reflection. “Ji Feifan, you’re a class officer. Wang Yusheng fainted in the dorm, and you were in the bed right beside him. Why didn’t you call a teacher for help?”

“Ji Feifan” stood ramrod straight, his face showing just the right amount of confusion and hurt. “Sir, I honestly didn’t see it. I was rushing to finish my application for the math competition. The deadline was five that afternoon, and if I missed it, I wouldn’t get another chance. I must have been too focused to notice that Wang Yusheng had fainted.”

The words came smoothly and naturally. He had indeed noticed Wang Yusheng lying motionless on the bed. He simply hadn’t been interested in wasting two seconds to find out whether the other boy was asleep or unconscious.

Besides, the dorm supervisor would be coming by for inspection soon anyway.

“You…” His homeroom teacher stared at his flawless expression, momentarily at a loss for words. In the end, he waved a weary hand. “All right, go back for now. Just remember, you’re a class officer. You need to have a sense of responsibility.”

Ji Feifan watched the disappointment on his teacher’s face. Only now did he realize that the man had seen through his clumsy lie long ago.

Darkness surged in like a tide, swallowing the office whole.

Countless discordant voices erupted without warning, pouring into his ears from every direction. They overlapped one another, heavy with disappointment, anger, and alienation.

“Ji Feifan, you’re capable, but you’re too impatient and far too driven by personal gain… Sorry, but for this group project, we’d rather work with someone we get along with better.”

“Ji Feifan! We’re through! You never loved me! You only loved the prestige and convenience I brought you! The only person you care about is yourself!”

“Lao Ji, how about a drink?… Tsk, forget it. You seem easy enough to get along with on the surface, but deep down… Tsk, how should I put this? You’re kind of cold-blooded. There’s no point trying to have a heart-to-heart with you.”
“President Ji is no good. The vice president is much nicer…”

“He always does things his own way. Never considers the team…”

“He’s always looking out for number one…”

“You can’t count on him when it matters…”

The voices drifted in and out. Some belonged to classmates, some to exes, and some to friends who had once called him their brother.

Accusations. Disappointment. People cutting ties with him.

Ji Feifan’s brows drew together as his head buzzed. He wanted to argue, to explain himself, but it felt as though someone had a hand around his throat. He couldn’t make a sound.

He wanted to tell them that wasn’t true, but no defense came to mind.

…

After a long while, Ji Feifan tugged at the corner of his mouth, his face devoid of emotion.

No… That was exactly what he was like. Selfish, self-serving, and convinced that he was above everyone else.

He had always known exactly what kind of person he was. Even so, hearing it still irritated him.

What the hell did these people know? So what if he was selfish?

Was he supposed to put these idiots before himself?

He began struggling desperately, trying to escape the clamor of their judgment. But the ground clung to him like glue. The voices didn’t fade. Instead, they warped, gradually taking on a maddened edge.

The whispers became shrill laughter and bloodcurdling screams!

The darkness before him flooded scarlet.

He saw himself standing in a dim room, cold floor beneath his feet and a bloodstained dagger clutched in his hand.

A girl lay before him, her eyes wide and staring fixedly at him. His pale face was reflected in her beautiful, fox-like eyes, which were filled with pain and a trace of disbelief.

Blood gushed from the wound in her neck, staining the floor red. Staining his shoes red.

“No… It wasn’t…” Ji Feifan tried to step back, but his feet might as well have been nailed to the floor.

The girl did not disappear. She simply watched him with an eerie calm. All the discordant accusations ringing in his ears seemed to merge into her silent interrogation.

Why did you kill me? Why why why why why why? Weren’t we companions? Why did you kill me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why didn’t we escape together? Why didn’t we escape together? Why didn’t we escape together…

Why?!!!!!!

His heart hammered wildly, and his scalp felt ready to explode. A surge of terror and violent rage rushed straight to his head!

“I did nothing wrong!” he roared at that lifeless face. “I just wanted to live! In that situation, you would’ve made the same choice! Don’t tell me you didn’t want to kill me too! That crazy woman forced us into it! Only one of us could survive! I just… I just made the most efficient choice! What’s wrong with wanting to live?!”

He panted heavily. Shouting those words seemed to drain every ounce of strength from him, yet it also brought a twisted sense of relief.

Yes. That was how it had been. He had done nothing wrong.

Survival was instinct. Those who hesitated and let their emotions control them had all died. He had survived, and that proved he had been right.

“I. Did. Nothing. Wrong,” Ji Feifan enunciated.

Just then, however, his body suddenly became unbearably heavy, as though something had pinned him down with all its might. He instinctively lowered his head.

Another face filled his vision.

A face staring up at him from below, so close that it was almost touching his own.

Deathly pale and smeared with blood, its mouth stretched in a grin from ear to ear. Its eyes glowed crimson with malice.

“Heh heh… You bastard… I’ll fuck you to death!”

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