Chapter 158

Chapter 158

The snow had stopped.

A figure in gray huddled behind a dense thicket, her back pressed against a rock. Wind poured through the cracks in the stone, making her shiver. Not only was she unafraid of the cold, she even relished it.

A bag lay half-open at her feet, its contents nearly devoured in one sitting. She still clutched the last of the dried rations in one hand. It was hard as a rock, but the taste stirred a deep sense of nostalgia.

Regain her strength and stay alive. This was one of only two commands in her mind.

She opened another packet of bread. She had barely swallowed the first bite, her throat not yet fully relaxed, when her cerebral cortex suddenly seemed to be struck by a jolt of electricity.

A figure flashed through her mind.

In that instant, her entire face contorted violently. The corners of her mouth twitched as if she wanted to laugh, yet also wanted to cry. In the end, she merely pressed her lips into a tight line, leaving her face utterly expressionless.

Don’t think about her.

She shoved the bread into her mouth, fighting the thought with all her might. Stop thinking. Stop thinking.

The moment that figure surfaced in her mind, she felt as though her whole being was about to–

Something inside her head was screaming. As long as she could make that figure disappear, she could go back to being normal.

A normal person who could hope, who could fear, who still had warmth inside her.

But the figure came again. She had fought so desperately to reject her, yet there she was.

“Urgh…”

Disgusting.

This involuntary physical reaction filled her with revulsion. She abruptly opened her mouth and sank her teeth into her own knuckle.

Her teeth quickly pierced flesh and skin. The taste of blood spread through her mouth, and scarlet rivulets seeped from the corner of her lips, shockingly vivid.

Pleasure and hatred-two extreme emotions wound tightly around her throat, choking her until she forgot to breathe.

She greedily sucked the blood from the wound. The pain felt incredible.

“Ha… haha… ngh–”

At last, the dizziness from oxygen deprivation crashed over her like a bucket of ice water, dragging her back from the brink of collapse.

The figure in gray had no choice but to unclench her jaw and let go. With unfocused eyes, she stared down at her hand. A ring of bite marks had been gouged so deep into her knuckle that bone was visible, and blood continued to gush merrily from the wound.

She ignored it. Like a monster incapable of feeling pain, she took another bite of bread.

Other images began to surface in her mind, forcibly smothering that figure. A route. It twisted from south to north, avoiding the ruins of cities and the settlements of Madmen.

Someone had plotted it. Who was it?

She… couldn’t seem to remember.

Now she stood at a crossroads, with no idea which way to go. Straight ahead lay the coldest reaches, where even the Madmen would freeze to death. To the right was the nearest shelter, the military, and the possibility of “safety.”

In truth, she didn’t care. Either way was fine, as long as… as long as she could find that figure.

“Which way would she choose?”

The instant the thought arose, the wind suddenly shifted. A cloying sweetness and fishy stench drifted through the air.

She froze. Her right hand shot toward the side of her pack like lightning and closed around the axe hanging there.

She peered through a gap in the thicket with one eye.

Three naked Madmen emerged from the snow. One had lost all the fingers on one hand. Seemingly oblivious to the pain, it had its head lowered and was eagerly gnawing the flesh from its other arm.

Crunch. Crunch.

The sound of chewing rang especially clear in the silent world.

They turned their heads. Six murky eyes met her gaze.

All three Madmen grinned at once. Their mouths split wide, but the smiles came with difficulty. The muscles in their faces had frozen stiff, forcing them to strain just to pull their lips apart.

They shambled toward her, lurching and swaying with every step.

She tilted her head, her empty gaze like a black hole. Naked, yet still alive in this cold. Such tenacious vitality…

Just like her. Disgustingly tenacious.

The first Madman lunged at her with a grin. She made no move until its rotting hand was a hair’s breadth from the tip of her nose.

Only then did she turn her body slightly aside.
The sharp axe traced an afterimage.
“Thwack.”
The sensation of the blade biting into the neck traveled up her arm, as easy as cutting through frozen meat. The head flew off with a swish.

She didn’t stop. Pivoting sideways, she grabbed the second Madman by the hair and slammed its head down.
Knee rising, axe sweeping up.
“Riiip-” That Madman was split right in two.

Using momentum, she kicked the last Madman to the ground. She stood on it, watching it laugh and claw at her calf.
Expressionless, she raised the axe high, then brought it down without mercy!

She stood among the three broken corpses, her white breath fogging her vision. She looked down at the axe. The blade was caked with torn flesh, hair, and black blood clots.

A flick of her wrist.
Blood splattered onto the snow, a glaring crimson streak.

She straightened, slowly lowering her gaze to the flat of the axe. Though it shouldn’t reflect anything, a face now stared back.
Slender brows, downturned eyes, tightly pressed lips, a doll-like visage.

But the face began to change. The corners of the mouth slowly… slowly curled up, twisting into a wrong arc that split her face apart.
The cute face tilted its head, then opened its mouth to reveal teeth smeared with blood. And… those eyes, in her own constricted gaze, turned suddenly blood-red.

Who?
The face in the axe was watching her too, her pallid soul reflected in those crimson pupils.
They stared at each other. Then, in reality, her own lips curled into a smile. A smile more twisted and broken than the one in the axe.

That smile seemed to crawl out of the axe and onto her face.
Who is this?
It’s her.
An Xiaolin.
It’s her.

“Ugh!”
No, no, no–

She ripped off her helmet and stared at the visor. The curved surface stretched her reflection long and thin, like an elongated ghost, features bunched together.
But it wasn’t like what she’d seen in the axe: her eyes weren’t red, and she didn’t have two eyes. Her one good eye was trembling, pupil shrunk to a pinprick, like something had terrified it.
Terrified by herself.

She stared fixedly at the twisted face on the helmet.
That face began to deform, like a snowman melting in the sun, features running like wax. Then they rearranged into another face.
Steadfast eyes, upright posture. No longer that crazed doll face, but a calm, dependable girl.
Not her face.

She reached out, fingertips touching the cold curve. The reflection reached out too, fingers mirroring hers, but separated by an untouchable layer.
“Qingshui…”

As that name escaped her lips, her voice trembled. The mask she’d barely held together threatened to shatter once more.
Her smile froze on her face. Gradually, the trembling stopped. She just looked at the face on the helmet, at the person she couldn’t reach. Her eyes went from hollow to burning obsession.

“Where are you…”
Where are you? Where, where, where, where, where, where… So cold, so miserable, so scared, so happy. I miss you, miss you, miss you… miss you.

She slowly crouched down, burying her face in her arms.
“Once I find you… I’ll never let go again.”

She whispered in the snow, her voice faint as a ghost’s sigh, yet carrying a madness that could set the whole world ablaze.
The snow had stopped, but she felt like she was back in those nights. Those frozen nights that cast her utterly into hell.