Chapter 4
When I reached Baohua Hall, I could see from a distance that the Meng clansmen were being kept outside.
Several of my uncles, dressed in mourning white, had been preparing to help escort the coffin.
Yuan Xiujin stood at the top of the steps, frowning. “It is against the rites for the empress’s relatives to escort her coffin.”
“A pack of useless men. Get down from there.”
With one sentence, he ground the entire Meng family’s dignity into the mud.
My uncles’ faces turned livid. In the end, none dared argue.
Yao Mingzhu stood beside him in plain clothes, unable to hide the triumph in her eyes.
She probably already thought
that with my aunt dead, no one could compete with her for the position of principal wife in the Eastern Palace.
I stepped forward, but she stopped me outside.
“Miss Meng. You have no recognized standing here. You should be kneeling outside.”
“Besides, His Highness detests you. Wouldn’t forcing your way in disturb the empress’s spirit?”
I did not argue. Head bowed, I quietly retreated to the very back.
I stood among the palace maids and eunuchs.
The more meekly I behaved, the more pity others showed me.
All Chang’an knew my aunt had raised me herself, and that my place as crown princess had once seemed certain.
Now Yuan Xiujin was publicly humiliating me like this.
And he did not even realize it.
Dressed in hemp mourning clothes, he flung himself before the coffin and wailed until his voice cracked.
“Mother! How could you leave us like this?”
“I haven’t even asked you to make Mingzhu my principal wife yet! Wake up!”
Several elderly ministers stood at the front, their disappointment deepening.
The mother of the realm had just died, yet the heir spoke only of his love affairs.
He thought nothing of the mother who had raised him, nothing of the dignity of the imperial house.
How could such a man ever keep his grip on the empire?
I knelt behind everyone else, gently turning my prayer beads, grief filling my eyes.
The more wronged I seemed now, the more I could move that figure in imperial yellow watching from the shadows.
The coffin left the palace. Only funeral paper remained, scattered across the ground and swirling in the wind.
Back at Fengyi Palace, I sorted my aunt’s belongings.
The scent of ambergris mingled with wine lingered at the door for a long time.
Yuan Zhaoyu stood nearby. “Why haven’t you gone to bed?”
I answered,
“I want to finish sorting these tonight. I’m leaving the palace tomorrow.”
He frowned. “Aren’t you comfortable here?”
I placed a plain robe in a wooden chest and smiled bitterly.
“With my aunt gone, it would be improper for me to remain.”
“And the crown prince already hates me. Staying would only make me a laughingstock.”
The lamplight was dim. The shadow on the floor slowly drew closer.
“Do you resent him?”
I shook my head, then after a moment gave a small nod.
“There isn’t much to resent, really.”
“You can’t demand someone’s love.”
“I only thought I would at least be allowed to see my aunt off.”
“After trying so hard all these years, I wasn’t even fit to enter her mourning hall.”
I gave an embarrassed laugh.
“What exactly is Meng Shanwu?”
“Neither wife nor concubine. Nothing at all.”
“Before, my aunt’s affection gave me a place here. Now she’s gone, and naturally everyone finds me an eyesore.”
The man beside me defended his son quietly. “Xiu is young. Some recklessness is only natural.”
I did not answer him. I merely said,
“When my aunt was ill, she coughed every night until she couldn’t sleep.”
“Your Majesty was busy with affairs of state all day, yet you still came to keep her company at night.”
“She always said her medicine was bitter. But whenever you coaxed her a little, she would drink it.”
A little admiration appeared in my eyes. “Back then, I kept thinking,”
“Even the most exalted man in the world could coax someone so gently.”
“Afterward, whenever I saw the crown prince, I always felt…”
“He was nothing like you.”
His eyes darkened.
“What will you do after leaving the palace? Has your family made arrangements?”
I considered. “My father will probably find an estate for me to live on.”
“No one in Chang’an would dare take a woman the crown prince has rejected.”
“A life of prayer before a quiet lamp would keep me out of everyone’s way.”
I tucked my beads into my sleeve. “It’s late, and the dew is heavy. Your Majesty should rest.”
“Let me see you out.”
He looked at me for a while, then finally stood.
The hem of his black robe swept across the threshold.
The next moment, he spun around and pulled me into his arms.
“You are not leaving. Stay.”
“Stay for me.”
Instinctively, I tried to pull away. “Your Majesty, you’re drunk.”
Before I could finish, he tipped up my chin and kissed me hard.
“No… don’t… Your Majesty.”
My pleas did not stop him.
He lifted me into his arms, and the jade hairpin slipped from my hair.
My long hair tumbled loose.
The room spun, and then I was pressed into the soft brocade bedding.
The corners of his eyes were very red. Still, he would not let me go.
At last, he cared about nothing else.