Chapter 5

Chapter 5

That day, I was furious.

I suddenly felt that if I didn’t do something, I really might lose everything bit by bit, just like before.

I ran desperately to Kunning Palace and knelt outside the Empress’s gates, sobbing and whimpering.

I knelt for a long time.

I knelt until my knees went numb and I couldn’t stand up.

I thought to myself, so this is what it feels like to be punished with kneeling.

Yet Sui’an was forced to kneel at the drop of a hat.

I suddenly understood why some palace maids and eunuchs would kill their masters; it was because life was too bitter, without a single glimmer of hope for happiness.

I decided I had to be good to those around me. I refused to become a Villainess Supporting Character.

The Empress walked out slowly, looking down at me from her height.

She had learned the full story of what happened.

She told me that she would not punish the Crown Prince for my sake. The Crown Prince was the Heir Apparent; whatever he wanted, he deserved. This was what my Imperial Mother Consort owed her.

However, she would not take Sui’an. It wasn’t worth tarnishing the Crown Prince’s reputation over a mere palace maid.

She would make the Crown Prince and Zhen’an stay away from me, but by the same token, I was no longer allowed to come to Kunning Palace.

That day, Sui’an was very cautious.

She asked me if I was sad.

I answered frankly, “I’m not sad. They don’t like me, and I don’t like them. It’s only fair.”

Malice is contagious.

From the moment I knew the Crown Prince and the others disliked me, I stopped liking them too.

Every subsequent encounter only served to increase our mutual loathing.

Staying apart like this was truly for the best.

In the years that followed, the Crown Prince and I minded our own business and stayed out of each other’s way.

I didn’t feel lonely at all.

I had Sui’an, the Third Imperial Sister, and Auntie An. Their love filled my heart to the brim.

In the spring, when the willow catkins flew through the air, Sui’an was at her most worried.

She sewed masks for me and insisted I wear them whenever I went out.

The Third Imperial Sister teased me, saying I was wrapped up like an assassin.

But after she got a nose full of willow catkins herself, she behaved.

“Sui’an, Sui’an, make a mask for This Palace too.”

Sui’an gave several to the Third Imperial Sister.

But she whispered to me that the masks she made for me were the most beautiful, with words embroidered on the inside.

“Of course I’m biased toward my own child. I will always, always like you best. My love for you is as vast as the stars in the sky, the grains of sand in the desert, and the drops of water in the sea.”

She said it as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

My heart felt warm. She treated me like her own child, like family.

She was also my most beloved family member.

I said playfully, “You shall attend my bed tonight.”

As I grew older, I gradually came to understand:

Love isn’t like cutting a cake to be divided equally among everyone.

Love is giving others a little, while saving the biggest, most beautiful, and sweetest piece for the one you truly love.

She also made a face strap for me to wear at night.

She said I had rhinitis and my nose got blocked easily. If I breathed through my mouth, I might end up with an overbite.

“While looks aren’t the most important thing, most people in the world are superficial and love to look at pretty things. We don’t need to go against the grain and make life harder for ourselves. Living is already hard enough.”

I wanted to say that I wasn’t superficial.

But then I thought about it. I wanted pretty clothes and shoes, beautiful Clay Dolls, exquisite food, and clean, tidy bedding…

I was clearly a superficial person.

In fact, I was the most superficial person in the entire Funing Palace.

Luckily, I didn’t blurt it out.

Wearing the face strap was uncomfortable, of course, but I didn’t complain.

Because I heard Sui’an’s worried sighs.

She fretted that the fabric didn’t provide enough pressure, and that even with the strap, it might not change anything.

I couldn’t bear to see her worried, so I wore it diligently every day.

I wore it for several years.

In the blink of an eye, I grew up.

I grew into a neat, capable girl.

There was no overbite, and no self-deprecating shrinking violet in sight.