Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Those words made my heart tremble. Before I could ask another question, the wind lifted the curtain of the painted carriage, and the Luoyang city walls came into distant view.

Shao Zhi pressed a kiss to my temple.

“My eldest brother has considerable standing in the clan. Once you’ve met him, the elders won’t dare gossip about you anymore.

“Just one meeting. After that, we’ll go back to Jiangdong, start our own family, and never come here again!”

I lowered my head and carefully considered Shao Zhi’s situation.

He had already drawn criticism for defying his clansmen’s objections and insisting on marrying me. I couldn’t bear to make things harder for him.

Besides, when Shao Zheng and I parted back then, it had been so final.

Afraid I would cry and cling to him, afraid I would upset his fiancée, Shao Zheng had held a ladle of water from the Luo River before me and made me swear, word by word:

“From this day on, we each marry whom we will and never trouble each other again. If I go to Luoyang and pester Shao Zheng, then for the rest of my life, may I become a whore ridden by thousands and slept with by tens of thousands; may my bones be crushed, my ashes scattered, and may I die a wretched death.”

Shao Zheng had worried too much. I had always listened to him.

In the past, I drank the bitter contraceptive decoctions when he told me to. Now, a ladle of Luo River water was nothing.

Seeing me do as he said, Shao Zheng breathed a sigh of relief.

He drank a ladle as well, cutting off the last of my hope that he might someday come looking for me. He said that if he ever pestered me again, may he die with ten thousand arrows through his heart.

I clenched the fabric of my skirt over my knees and comforted myself.

The Luo River water had been bitter and astringent, and the oaths had been so vicious. Surely they counted.

Besides, during all those years I spent with Shao Zheng, he had always kept me in a private residence. He had never taken me to meet any guests, much less anyone from the Shao Clan.

Seeing that my head was still lowered, Shao Zhi grew afraid I was anxious. He hurriedly pulled a family letter from his robes and handed it to me.

“I once wrote to my eldest brother and mentioned you. He even told me to treat you well and not leave myself with lifelong regrets.

“Don’t be afraid. We’ll only stay three days. I heard my eldest brother left to fight a war some days ago. We might not even see him at all.”

Shao Zhi had always indulged me.

Several times, I had wanted to tell him about my past, but before I could say a word, my eyes would redden.

He would hold me in distress, looking even more flustered than I was.

“I don’t care about the past. As long as Caisang is safe and sound by my side now, that’s enough.”

Shao Zheng was not here.

I let out a breath of relief.

Shao Zhi smiled as he helped me down from the carriage.

“Sister-in-law, this is my wife, Caisang. I mentioned her to you in my letter.”

The woman before me had an air of noble elegance. Even when she nodded, the gold hairpin in her hair did not tremble.

I had heard Shao Zheng speak of her. Her name was Guan Wan, the wife his family had chosen for him.

Back then, I had known so little of the world. I had only hugged my konghou and asked him, overestimating myself, “Why did you choose her? Because she plays the konghou better than I do?”

Shao Zheng had laughed at that. He said Wanwan came from a great and noble family, unlike a lowly music courtesan like me, kept as a plaything by aristocrats.

She did not need to practice music bitterly in order to please anyone. Others played for her, to please her.

Just like the banquet before me now, where musicians and dancers were doing everything they could to entertain the hosts and guests.

After one round of wine, I hurriedly presented the two bolts of Wu silk damask I had woven.

“Ah Zhi told me that Sister-in-law likes cloud patterns. I wove these by hand. I hope Sister-in-law will accept them.”

Shao Zhi smiled and chimed in for me.

“Caisang was afraid others wouldn’t be careful enough. She even picked the cocoons herself. She wouldn’t let me touch them either.”

But Guan Wan, my elder sister-in-law, merely glanced at the two bolts of silk and said with a lukewarm smile, “How thoughtful. But I am not lacking in fine brocade here.”

My hands, still holding the damask, froze awkwardly in midair.

The corners of her lips lifted. Her smile was impeccably courteous.

“But I hear you are quite skilled at playing the konghou. You were originally a music courtesan, were you not?”

I paused, then nodded.

“Ah, the female musicians I buy are always so stupid. I’ve beaten them and punished them, but they still never learn. Their playing never suits my taste.” Guan Wan’s smile turned subtle. “Why don’t you play a piece and help me give them some pointers?”

A blue jade wine cup smashed hard against the floor. Shards of jade flew up and scattered near Guan Wan’s hand, frightening her so badly that she shuddered.

Shao Zhi lifted his face, his smile innocent yet deliberately so.

“Forgive me, Sister-in-law. My hand slipped.

“Who was Sister-in-law asking to play just now?”

Guan Wan’s smile stiffened. A quick-witted maid beside her hastily changed the subject.

“Madam has the utmost respect for musicians of exceptional skill. She has long heard that Lady Caisang is accomplished in music, and has always hoped to hear a piece from her.”

Guan Wan slipped a jade bracelet from her wrist and had the maid present it to me.

“It was my oversight. Take this jade bracelet as my apology. Sister-in-law, please don’t take it to heart.”

Seeing Shao Zhi protect me in silence, Guan Wan suddenly sighed. She lowered her head, wiped away her tears, and forced a smile.

“Zhi’er, you know that before your brother married me, he once turned the world upside down over a music courtesan.

“Of course, Sister-in-law is different from her. Though Sister-in-law was once a music courtesan, surely you would never sink so low as she did.”

With that, she smiled bleakly, stirring pity almost against one’s will.

“The Shao Clan once said I was jealous, that I couldn’t even tolerate one pitiful music courtesan.

“But I heard that wretch tried to seduce my husband by playing the konghou naked the very first time they met.

“Zhi’er, tell me, how could I endure that?”

Shao Zhi was of the younger generation. Seeing his elder sister-in-law distressed and in tears, he could hardly press her too harshly, so he diverted the topic.

“The world often writes of women with lurid embellishment. Rumors may not be true.”

Guan Wan’s gaze seemed to drift toward me, faintly but unmistakably.

“Zhi’er, you don’t understand. Women of such lowly birth are never content with their place.

“Once they set eyes on a powerful man, they become like blood leeches, refusing to let go even in death.”

Shao Zhi could not respond to that. He only looked at me and smiled.

“Then I am more like the blood leech.

“Sister-in-law, you have no idea how long I begged Caisang before she finally agreed to marry me.”

I dug my nails hard into my palm and forced myself to smile as I looked at Shao Zhi.

His eyes were filled with tenderness and cherishing, as if the woman he loved were the most precious treasure in all the world.

Looking at Ah Zhi, who knew nothing, I suddenly felt such pain in my chest that I could hardly breathe.

Ah Zhi, if-if all those rumors are true, if I really am low and filthy…

How would you look at me?

Would you… still want me?